Movie Review: Alien Abduction

Someone or something abducted a great movie, and left us with:

Despite the movie being mediocre at best, it has gained itself a 4 star rating on Netflix. I even gave it that. I had to. I wanted to be extremely generous and give it a 3, but my wife loved it, so I averaged it out and gave it a 4. I can only assume everyone who voted on the movie on Netflix had the same issue.

My only problem with it and movies like it is how they start the movie by saying something to the effect of “This is real stuff.” And then within a minute of terrible “acting,” anything just slightly smarter than a rock can tell that it’s NOT real footage.

You can hate me all you want for this statement, but The Blair Witch Project did a better job at being authentic and portraying real people in a real situation than any found footage movie since. We can also thank those fuckers for starting this found footage epidemic.

Some of them I like. The V/H/S movies were pretty fucking awesome. I actually don’t mind The Blair Witch Project too much. Hell, The Last Broadcast is great, until the end. But now, movies like Alien Abduction are starting to really piss me off.

On IMDB it says about the movie, “…in this thriller based on the real-life Brown Mountain Lights phenomenon in North Carolina.” Okay, I can get behind that. I actually liked the movie to a degree, and if it didn’t try to play me as a fool from the beginning, I would be writing a better review. But at the beginning of the movie it says, “The following is actual leaked footage from the US AIRFORCE…”
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Websites That Suck

Here’s looking at you, Western Union.

A buddy of mine just sent me a message on Facebook asking for help. He said he needed money sent to a place in Illinois via Western Union and he was having issues with his phone. As it turned out he was also very tired and didn’t realize he could just call Western Union, and eventually that’s what he did. Which is good, because otherwise the money wasn’t going to be sent. At least not from Western Union’s website.

I’ve never had to deal with that company, and after this experience I hope I never have to again. You see, their website is optimized to allow you to use their service on it. Businesses love having their website do work, because then they don’t have to pay an employee to do that work. The website does it for free. And usually businesses spend lots of money on those websites so that their customers will use them over their competition’s websites.

It’s all about money. You want to stay ahead of the competition, or at the very least, stay up to speed with them. In this world of technology, with everything and everyone online, if you want to have a successful business, you have to have a successful website. ESPECIALLY if you’re a customer service oriented business.

For instance, the pizza place I work for has a website, and customers can use that website to place orders. When the company first implemented that, they pushed it hard to their customers. Hell yeah, if they can have all of their customers ordering online, that frees up the employees in the store to do other shit instead of answering phones. Get more done for the same amount of labor cost.

If a business is going to pump money into an online system that makes their business run better and more cost efficient, they want it to make its money back by working properly. The pizza place I work for, apparently, doesn’t give one atom of a fuck if their online ordering works or not. For the last few months it has been acting up and impossible to use, yet for some reason they haven’t bothered fixing it. It tells all of our customers that we’re out of cheese, and when orders come through it tells us the customers want no cheese on their pizzas. It also tells certain customers they live outside of our delivery range when they’re right down the street from our store.

The point here is, if you’re going to offer your customers your service on your website, make sure that shit works. Western Union, one of the largest businesses in the country who specialize in getting money from one place to another quickly for a nominal fee, also don’t give a shit about their website working.
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Movie Review: Turbo

Last night my wife wanted to watch the Dreamworks movie, Turbo, so I thought I’d review it. Sure, it came out last year, but I recently wrote a review of Pretty Woman, so at least I’m getting closer to NOW with this review.

turbo-movie-poster

The movie is about a snail who wishes he could drive a race car. He’s in love with the best race car guy alive at the time, who happens to be French and named “Guy.”

I get that this movie is a cartoon and fiction. But let’s take a look at some things that don’t make much sense.

First of all, he’s a snail. But he operates a TV AND drinks out of a can of soda with a straw. How did he do all that? The straw was two straws stuck together so that they’d reach into the can of soda and down to his mouth. How did he do any of that? He’s a fucking snail.

Second, after he gets juiced, literally, he then takes on all the characteristics of a car. He has lights, an alarm, a stereo. None of that makes sense and it’s unnecessary. It’s only for laughs, of which they got none from me cause I was too busy trying to figure out how the hell any of that would have happened.
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Daily Prompt: Work? Optional!

If money were out of the equation, would you still work? If yes, why, and how much? If not, what would you do with your free time?

I’ve wondered for most of my life why this is even a question. If I won the lottery would I continue to work. Are you out of your fucking mind? Hell no I wouldn’t continue to work.

Many years ago before bills were a big thing, people had to work to eat. Whether they had a farm or whatever, every day was spent working so that they could live and eat and exist. Maybe they were feeding animals or cleaning up their property or fixing their house cause it was made out of sticks.

But today we work because society says we have to. Otherwise you don’t live. You could go live in the woods like Mick Dodge, or you can have internet and Fritos. What’s it going to be? If you decided you don’t want to live in the woods and not under a bridge, you have to have money, and in order to do that you have to work.

Well, if I HAD MONEY, I wouldn’t need to fucking work, would I? No. And I wouldn’t either. I’d work at never fucking working again.
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Captain Obvious Strikes Again

I don’t know if it pisses me off or if it’s entertainment, but one thing is for sure. People who feel the desire to explain things when they don’t need explained, get a rise out of me. Whether they’re doing it absentmindedly, or because they feel they have to explain, or more importantly, because THEY just figured it out and have to explain it because something almost got by them, I always seem to find it as an amusing annoyance.

Now, let me go over what I just said. I think the absentminded people and those who just figured it out and explain it because they’re kind of talking their own way through it, are the ones who make up the majority of those who do this. And that scares me. These people’s brains are working it all out just slightly slower than real time. And sometimes they have to talk to themselves while it’s going on or they’re going to lose their train of thought and it’s all going to go zipping by them and they’ll miss it all.

That thing they’re figuring out? Nothing complicated. That’s what makes it terribly sad, depressing, and unfortunate. It’s not a big math problem or some labyrinth of words and riddles woven together like a ball of mismatched yarn that needs to be organized by color before the next page can be turned. It’s every day simple shit that they have to explain, absentmindedly, unbeknownst to them that they’re actually doing it. Baby steps. It’s something they have to do to stay on track. They’re probably talking to themselves in the morning while they’re dressing themselves, just so a short while later they’re not leaving the house without pants on.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I’m going to give you this tiny phrase made by one person who caused this entire post. Because I know people like her who do this very thing, and it drives me insane. Some of you will get it right away and sadly, some of you will have no idea why this is a problem to me.

My mom sent me a link to a video on Youtube. It seems to me like it’s probably a school project for CGI. While it’s well done, it’s kind of pointless. A bunch of giraffes are high diving into a pool. The animation looks great, but what’s the fucking point to any of it? So yeah, that’s why I think it’s maybe a college project or something. Here, check it out.
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