We’re currently in a time when there is almost nothing coming out of Hollywood that hasn’t come out in recent years, regurgitated as someone else’s vision as a “remake”, threatening us with a lack of ideas and a horrible outlook on the future of Hollywood movies.
I say “Hollywood movies” because there are a ton of indy films coming out, for better or worse, that show us that the idea of a unique movie isn’t necessarily dead. But Hollywood is Hollywood, for better or worse, yet sadly in recent years it lays more on the “worse” side of things.
Proof can be found everywhere, from the fact that there are a huge amount of remakes in the works for the coming future such as what this list points out (Dirty Dancing remake? Cause that needs to happen.) and that list only scratches the surface. There’s also the recent Amazing Spider-Man which came out just a couple of years after another Spider-Man franchise ended.
Another way we can tell that Hollywood is running out of ideas is by taking a look at certain movie franchises. This is where someone buys the rights to a movie’s name, and then low-budgets their way through countless sequels that tend to completely ruin the vision started by the original creators.
I found a great website that lists a bunch (not all, for some reason) of movie franchises and what they’ve done as far as box-office totals.
Children Of The Corn
Stephen King has created a monster, only this time it was unknowingly. He wrote the book that inspired the first movie, a tale of kids in a corn field who kill for the God they follow.
This is the first time I’ve seen the trailer and now I’m wondering why I ever watched the movie in the first place. The movie is actually better than the trailer would suggest. Plus there’s a totally awesome sex scene in it where two kids (as far as the movie goes they’re supposed to be under the age of 18) bone sexily… in front of all of the rest of the kids as part of a ritual.
The franchise spun out of control and spawned eight sequels. At some point you’d think that people would just stop going to that fucking corn field. The good news is, there hasn’t been one to come out since 2011. The bad news is, that probably doesn’t mean shit. After all, there was an eight year span between parts seven and eight, with eight apparently being a reboot to the franchise, as if it were needed. Sadly, this franchise shows us that even after a ton of sequels, a remake to the original can still happen. Even Hollywood can’t let a remake go.
Other franchises with sequels that spawned remakes of the original when it wasn’t really needed… Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Evil Dead. Sure there are others, I just refuse to go looking for them. Although I will say this… the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was a pretty damn good movie and I’m going to give Evil Dead a chance. If Bruce Campbell can give it his blessing (which was probably just good PR on his part) then I can give it a chance.
Remember the Police Academy movies? Back in the 80s they were the shit. I, for one, am a fan of the first… oh, FIVE of them. But they didn’t stop there. They went on to put out two more movies, the last which was a direct to video movie and did very poorly, as one might imagine. After all, just how long are these cadets in the academy anyway?
The first movie did an amazing $81 million, while each sequel slowly did worse with the last one only making a whopping $126,247. The good news is, the last one came out in 1994, ten years after the first. It’s been almost 10 years since then, but the bad news is it will most likely be a remake in the near future, after Hollywood has completely remade every movie made up to that point and has no other options other than a Police Academy reboot (or put out a completely unique movie, HA!).
Friday The 13th/Nightmare On Elm Street
Now, I’m a huge fan of both franchises, even though I’m a much bigger fan of Freddy Krueger. For those not in the know (you should be beaten), Freddy comes to us from the Elm Street franchise.
Freddy has been the main protagonist/antagonist depending on how you look at him (he’s totally the good guy in my book) for an awesome nine movies while Jason has slashed his way through twelve. The best part about horror movies for me is the inevitable sequel titled something to show it’s the absolute end of the franchise, before having a ton of sequels follow it. Such as Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice (7 movies followed), Friday the 13th part 4: The Final Chapter (8 movies followed), Nightmare On Elm Street 6 titled “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare” (3 movies followed).
I should also point out that it’s not “Nightmare On Elm Street”, it’s actually “A Nightmare On Elm Street”. Just wanted to throw that out there before someone inevitably corrects me. Moving on…
These two giants are such huge characters that fans had been screaming for a mash up of the two for years. I had just turned a teen when me and my friends were talking about it back in 1993 and there were probably talks about it before then. We finally got our wish, Freddy vs. Jason came out in 2003 and lived up to the hype. It was an amazing movie. So amazing, in fact, that it was the highest grossing movie of either series.
Both have been rebooted (and I refuse to watch either) which goes to show that both will live on. The problem is, while Jason can really be played by anybody since he wears a mask and doesn’t speak, Freddy on the other hand has personality. Robert Englund, who IS Freddy Krueger, wasn’t in the reboot as Freddy. I don’t give a flying fuck if the new guy did a good job or not. Rob IS Fred, period.
Planet Of The Apes
Sure you’ve heard of the Planet of the Apes movies, right? They’ve been around since the 60s. They are classic Hollywood. What you might not know, which I didn’t either so don’t feel bad, is that they’ve put out seven movies. And this is proof that it doesn’t matter how new or old a movie is, Hollywood will remake it.
Planet of the Apes came out in 1968 and spawned four sequels. They must have really had nothing to make back then, because the four sequels came out in 1970, 71, 72 and 73. By 1973 the fans didn’t give much of a shit, because each of those sequels also declined in box office totals with each movie, but still for 1973 pulling in almost $9 million wasn’t too shabby.
Everyone forgot about them (except when Mel Brooks made fun of them in Spaceballs) until 2001 when a reboot happened. Everyone rejoiced, but only enough that the franchise was left alone after that. UNTIL 2011 when another movie was put out. So you see, Hollywood has ways to make you think a franchise is finally resting in piece before ruining that dream. It’s never over when Hollywood is in control.
I saved the best for last. And by “best” I mean “Bond, James Bond”. I’m not really into James Bond, and I’ll tell you why. I watched “Live And Let Die” once. Once. Typically in a movie the soundtrack is filled with different sounds and songs. Not in this movie. Apparently they had worked out an agreement with Paul McCartney and Wings that the only sound you heard in the movie other than the actors talking would be that song or pieces of it. By the time the movie was over I was so fucking sick of hearing it that I swore I’d never watch James Bond movies again, and I haven’t. Guns N Roses helped to ruin the song as well.
I also have a theory that people continue to put out James Bond movies because of the name alone. Otherwise a spy movie would still be an excellent spy movie because spies do awesome shit with awesome toys. The movie I-Spy was an awesome movie, yet it could have very easily been labeled another Bond film if they wanted to, just because it had spies in it. And it probably would have made more money than it did just by having the Bond name on it.
The fact of the matter is, James Bond is the reigning champ when it comes to a franchise. James Bond has put out an incredible 24 (twenty fucking four) movies since 1963. No other franchise comes close. Friday the 13th is in second place with 12 movies.
Does that sound ridiculous to you? It does to me. To me it sounds like Hollywood has no ideas. This whole list helps to prove that. Sure it’s nice to see your favorite characters having new adventures, but when your favorite character can be played by anyfuckingbody, what’s the point? In those 24 movies, there have been NINE different James Bond’s. If the Batman franchise continues (and it will) they’ll probably come close to that themselves, if not surpass it. Currently there have been five different actors to play Batman in movies, never mind the TV versions.
Despite what Hollywood tells us, more and more of us fans are starting to speak up at the ridiculousness of all of these reboots and sequels. When is enough going to be enough? I’d love to see a movie trailer on TV and think “That looks like a good, original movie!” But I know that won’t happen anytime soon, so I’m not holding my breath.
The fact of the matter is, as long as people keep going to the theater and watching these atrocities, the more Hollywood is going to keep doing this shit. If these reboots stop making them money, they might get the picture.
Get it? “Get the picture”? Never mind.
So people, stop going to see this shit. If you want something unique and original, stand up to Hollywood. Don’t give them the pleasure of ruining the classics for your money. They don’t care about the classics, nor do they care about the not-so-classics. They just want to make money, period. It’s not art to them, it’s money.
So take a stand and do what’s right. Or at the very least wait until it’s out on video before watching it.