Most of you know I’m a regular at Cracked.com in their Photoplasty contests. You can view the entries I’ve done for them here. Recently they posted a contest called 33 Shocking Facts That Will Change How You Picture History. It was such a good article, apparently, that another website called Bro My God has taken a bunch of the winning entries and posted them on their website in another article called Facts So Ridiculous They Sound Fake.
The problem is, instead of taking the pictures off of the article from Cracked that I linked to above, where all of the pictures have the Cracked.com watermark on them, Bro My God went the extra mile and took the pictures directly from the forum thread where they were originally posted as entries into the contest so that they would show up on Bro My God’s website WITHOUT ANY REFERENCE TO WHERE THEY STOLE THEM FROM, Cracked.com. They also didn’t give any props to those who made those particular entries, like Cracked does. So not only is Cracked not getting the proper credit as the source of the images, neither are the creators of the images.
When I found out via a bunch of other image manipulation people I hang out with on another site, all of them also Cracked Photoplasty entrants and some of them whose work was stolen by Bro My God, we all decided to take action against this thieving shit-stain of a website that steals other people’s work and thinks they can get away with it. We began posting comments on their article about how they’re thieves and we left links back to the original article posted on Cracked’s website. The same link I posted above.
Bro My God went, yet one extra mile, and not only deleted most of the comments and began taking away our posting privileges, but the last two comments (as of now) that were posted by myself and another user were actually changed by Bro My God to what they say now, which of course doesn’t say anything about them being the thieving pieces of shit they are, instead, saying “Wow this is ridiculous my life is totally changed, love this site” and “I love bro my god and this is awesome!” I can assure you those are NOT the comments we left them.
The best part is, the head of Cracked has been informed and they can, and probably will, take legal action, which I’m REALLY hoping for. Until then folks, here’s my call out to you.
If you could, please drop by Bro My God to this article and tell them that they are exactly what they want to be… a bunch of pussy ass thieving fucks who can’t run a website cleanly with their own content and have to resort to stealing other people’s work. They know what they’re doing and they obviously think they can get away with it. I’d love to see a ton of messages letting them know how shitty they are. And if they want to delete or change them all, then that’s awesome too. Make them actually do some work for their website that doesn’t involve stealing other people’s stuff.
And if, eventually, it gets their site shut down, this particular battle in a much bigger war will be won. So please, if you don’t mind loyal readers, drop them a line and tell them how much they suck. And if you click the link and the article has been taken down, awesome. That’s all we want anyway, yet they’re sticking to their guns. So let’s stick to ours. And for future reference, if you know anybody who happens to visit this site, let them know what kind of shit hole of a site it actually is, and let them know what kind of shitty human beings run it.
Despite the fact that Facebook runs as well as a non-oiled machine, I just heard on the radio a commercial for something where they mentioned a bunch of statistics in it. One of them, and the only one I remembered, was that 60% of the U.S. population is on Facebook. I decided to look that up when I got home so that I could make an uninteresting blog piece about it. Here it is.
I looked up the info and found here that apparently 71% of the U.S. population is on Facebook. That’s a big difference, so I’m wondering who was wrong. Considering the site I got that info from is “AllFacebook.com,” I’m guessing they should know better than a fucking commercial on the radio.
With those numbers in place, that would mean that Facebook has a whopping 224,218,000 people on it just from the U.S. If you consider that number as residents, then Facebook would be the fifth largest country in the world.
I also sort of found that 71% of our population makes up basically everyone age 15 and older. Since I’m sure there aren’t 78 year olds on Facebook, then that means there are probably quite a few kids younger than 15 on Facebook.
So what does all this mean? It means that you just wasted your time reading this shit for no good reason. What’s worse is, I just wasted MY time finding it all out and writing this. And now WordPress has to give up the web space to host this post. HA! Joke’s on them.
I, like most of the modern world, have an account with Facebook and I use it daily. As much as I hate the site, and truly I do, I’m addicted to it and can’t get away from it even if I tried. Hell, I even created my own social networking site to prove that 1) any asshole can create one and 2) it would work better than Facebook, which it did. You may remember it, I talked about it briefly. And then I deleted it because even the people who joined it didn’t use it. I didn’t expect anybody to, really, I just set out to accomplish something, and I did.
Facebook is full of issues that they refuse to fix. Instead, they create new shit for the site that isn’t needed, bypassing those problems that make the site work like shit. They do this all the time. Recently they added a new thing where you can post how you’re feeling alongside your post. I will not use it and I’m surprised anybody does. Yet like sheep flocking together, people will continue to use the bullshit Facebook puts out instead of getting together to get them to fix the shit that needs fixing.
Facebook won’t fix those things that need fixing because they have no need to. They don’t care if the site works properly or not, because they know the sheep who use it will continue to. Just like the WWE, they have no competition to push them to do anything better.
Aside from that, there are some things I’ve noticed over the years that I see all the time, from users, who just don’t get it. Here is a list of things you will see on Facebook at any given time.
Internet Meme’s
These are out of control. There are some people who post nothing but meme’s, leading me to ask the question, why do they have an account at all? These meme’s, while funny sometimes, can be absolutely horrible and lacking in any amount of thought. They can also be extremely redundant, and chances are good that if you see someone post one, you’ll eventually see a dozen other people post it shortly thereafter. So you’ll get a good fill of one particular meme way before it stops showing up. Some that I’ve not only seen many times but am absolutely sick of seeing are…
Gun Meme’s – The one that I’ve seen recently a dozen or more times is the one that points out “if guns kill people then spoons make people fat.” HAHAHA, HYSTERICAL! I got the joke the first time I saw it. Now if you can’t think of something original to say about guns, then don’t say anything at all. Talk about beating a dead horse…
Pat On The Back – People are constantly posting meme’s that talk about how great they are as a dad or as a mom or whatever. Get over yourselves. If you need to be reassured at just how great you are playing a role that billions have played before you, then you probably shouldn’t be that in the first place. One such meme says “Real dads support their kids without the law telling them they have to!” The worst part about these meme’s is, the people who post them can’t be bothered to have that thought on their own and then type it out, they go to a website where someone already made it into a picture or a meme and then they share it to their wall. That’s how much stock they place in that thought or feeling. One click and they’re done with it.
You’ll Go To Hell – Some sick fucker decided to put something bad on a picture, like a starving child or an abused animal, and then they say if you don’t share it you’ll go to hell. I bet God works that way. God has a Facebook account and he’s keeping tabs on everyone who does or doesn’t share a fucking internet meme so that he can make his final decision on where you spend eternity based off of that alone. By that meme’s standards, you can rape four children, murder them, mail their cut up pieces to the parents and then burn their parents houses down, on a daily basis, but if you share one of those meme’s you’re saved and can go to heaven. Jackasses, fuck you.
Share If You Like It – This is by far the one that pisses me off the most. Someone will post a picture or a meme that has something said on it. Regardless of what it says, someone goes out of their way to put on the picture or as a quote underneath it that tells you if you like it you should either “Like” it or “Share” it. OH REALLY?! I had NO IDEA how liking and sharing things worked! Thank you for pointing that out, asshole.
I’ve made it a point to not share or like anything that fucking tells me to. The best ones are those that tell you to like it if you choose one option, share it if you choose another option, or comment if you choose the third option. Wow… genius… fucking die.
Westboro Baptist Church
Another thing that has recently made its rounds on Facebook are the people who constantly post things about what outlandish thing the Westboro Baptist Church is doing. The Westboro Baptist Church is much like Freddy Krueger. The more you talk about them, the stronger they get. They do these ridiculous things to get their name in the news, because “bad publicity is still publicity.” More people know who they are now than ever before and do you know why that is? Because people keep talking about them and sharing their horrendous antics with everyone. If you let them be and nobody talked about them, eventually they’d go the fuck away. You’re all a bunch of fucking sheep and you’re helping them do their dirty work, even if you’re bashing them for it. Congrats, you’re a douche.
Donations
Yet another thing pissing me off constantly on Facebook, and it previously made its way around Myspace, are those things that tell you if you share the picture and story that goes along with it, someone will donate money for each share. It’s been covered before by other people, but let’s get one thing straight. NO THEY FUCKING WON’T. Get it through your god damn heads now. And the biggest reason is, there’s no way possible to track how many times something gets shared.
If you really want something to have money donated to it, donate to it yourself. That’s the only way to be sure money is being donated to something. Sharing a picture on Facebook… just think about it for a minute. Does it make sense to you? Do you honestly think Facebook is going to donate a dollar every time someone shares a certain picture? Of course they’re not. Because they’re a big company and if they wanted to donate money to something, they’d just fucking donate money to it. They wouldn’t make it a game.
All of those things that say someone is going to donate money to something isn’t just playing on your gullible tendencies and your human emotions, but they’re also blatantly making fun of those things they’re talking about that might actually need donations, but aren’t going to get them. “Each time someone shares this picture of a starving kid in Africa, Microsoft is going to donate $1 to help them eat.” Just the fact that Microsoft isn’t actually going to donate anything to them is a huge slap on the face to those starving kids in Africa, thus making that post a giant joke. If you think animals being mistreated is horrible, don’t share any story saying someone will donate money to them for a share. You’re doing absolutely nothing to help the cause and instead are actually making fun of it. Way to go, loser.
One Word Status Updates
This one really pisses me off and it’s something that probably shouldn’t. I see all the time on Facebook a select number of people will post just one word as a status update. Sometimes they go as far as two or three words. I guess it just seems to me that if you’re going to be bothered to sit down at your computer, or get your cell phone out, and go to Facebook and make a post, why would you do all of that for just one word?
“Tired.”
Yeah, we’re all fucking tired, but we’re not all telling everyone about it. Why stop there? Why not post shit that nobody knows, like “Breathing.” or “Living.”? The best part about those pointless posts is, someone will almost always “like” the status or comment on it. What’s to like or say? The person who posted it didn’t tell us shit.
Pointless Comments
I see this one all the time too and it pisses me off. Someone will make a post, let’s say it’s about playing a video game. Just for shits and giggles…
“I was playing Minecraft earlier and built this awesome thing and now I’m the shit!”
Following that will be a bunch of posts by their friends talking about that post. It’s a conversation about that one particular subject, and that’s basically what a social networking site is all about. But then, inevitably, there will be that one person who responds to it with something like this…
“hey i havent seen u in forevr i miss you i love you!!!”
That has nothing to do with the conversation at all. And it almost always comes from someone who won’t bother to spell anything correctly or punctuate what needs it. What this really says is, “I’m not thinking about you at all, I just happened to notice you posted so I thought I’d tell you I miss you and love you, even though I couldn’t be bothered to go to your wall and post it as a stand-alone topic or send you a private message to tell you. Nor will I call you, send you a letter, an email, or stop by your house to say hi. That’s how much I actually miss and love you.”
Think about it. How would that person sound or look if they were at a party around a bunch of real living people and there was a group of people talking about something specific, and then that person nudged themselves into that conversation, interrupted the conversation to say something that had nothing to do with that subject, and then said nothing else? They’d look like a fucking idiot, that’s what they’d look like. So why is it any different on Facebook? It’s not, yet they’ll never get the hint.
Recently this happened to me. I made a post about something involving my wife and I. After a dozen or so comments about that topic, my wife’s brother posts something very similar to what I posted above, about missing her and loving her. Not to mention he didn’t say anything to me, his brother in-law, and it was on my fucking post he was commenting on. Not only could he not be bothered to go to his sister’s profile and tell her directly that he missed and loved her, but he completely ignored me on MY POST.
Other Stuff
I’m sure I missed a bunch of other stuff that’s always on Facebook, but I had enough of the stuff I listed that I didn’t want to notice anything else. Why do I bother wasting my time on a site that does little else than piss me off? I’m glutton for punishment, apparently. Either way, I like to bitch about stuff and Facebook gives me plenty of fodder for it, so maybe that’s why I torture myself.
Regardless, if anybody finds a better social networking site, let me know about it. I’ll try anything once. Just don’t mention Google Plus, because it sucks. And I’m not going back to Myspace. Maybe one day social networking sites will be a thing of the past and we’ll all have something else to keep us occupied while online. I doubt it, but I can dream can’t I?
A little while ago my wife and I were at the grocery store picking up some things when we happened to come across the donuts. Deciding that we should get a couple for breakfast (since we’re trying to live a healthy lifestyle) we walked over to them.
This old lady (I use “old” in the context that dinosaurs roamed the earth a few days ago) cut us off before we could get to them, without acknowledging us. I mean, why acknowledge someone if you’re going to cut them off?
And then we watched as she began getting donuts, the kind we wanted, with her bare hands. After she took the last of the kind we wanted she then noticed us there and decided that she must make conversation.
She told us that yadda yadda nobodygivesafuck blah blah she’s gotta get a bunch for a car show. Now I’m thinking that at a car show there’s going to be more than a few people there. Old people fucking love car shows. Yet she didn’t grab all of the donuts they had, she only took about six or so. The last six of the type we wanted.
“Want me to finger your donut holes?”
She then had the gall to tell us that the man behind the counter was making more. And then she left. I guess she assumed that WE didn’t have any fucking thing to do that day and waiting around for a half hour for fresh donuts was something we just couldn’t fucking wait to do.
We eyed the rest of the donuts, the shit that nobody else wanted either, and decided we’d go without. I wonder if the people who are going to be eating those donuts know she had her crusty hands all over them.
I hope it rains on her fucking car show. I’m sure it will, it looks as if it’s ready to storm outside. And I hope all of the cars are convertibles and all of their tops are down when it starts to rain. And I hope it’s a flash flood of a rain, and it doesn’t start sprinkling lightly at first.
And I hope she gets wet and catches pneumonia. I don’t want her to die from it, I just want her to know that what she did today was rude, and I want her to be bed ridden for a while so that she can think about what she did.
“Perhaps I should have been nicer to that young couple at the store. I think I have pneumonia.”
Her actions are the reason I don’t have respect for old people just because they’re old. You gotta earn respect, grandma. Stop finger fucking all the donuts.
Have you ever been to the theater to watch a movie and it was either so good or so bad that the audience reacted together in unison? I realize saying “together in unison” is sort of repeating myself, just play along.
I’m not talking about gasping or laughing. I’m talking about the movie was so good the audience gave it a round of applause or even a standing ovation at the end. Or it was so bad the audience got up and left at the same time before it was over.
Following my last post I had to watch Freddy vs. Jason because it’s been awhile since I last saw it and it reminded me of when I saw it in the theater, which brings up this post. There will probably be spoilers, but if you haven’t seen these movies yet it’s your own fault.
I’ve been to a lot of movies at the theater, none recently, and of all those times I can only remember two where the movies were so good the audience couldn’t help but applaud at the end.
The first was Batman back in 1989. Before Hollywood decided to put out a new superhero movie every other week for the last few years, we actually had to wait between superhero movies. Our wait was finally over when Michael Keaton slapped on a black rubber suit and showed us all just what a good fucking movie Batman could put out.
Those were the good ol’ days. Keaton as Batman worked, because he was a good Batman. Unlike that Bale fellow who sounded like he had laryngitis as Batman, Keaton dominated the role and made that movie his bitch. Let’s also not forget the stellar performance of the Joker by the legendary Jack mother fucking Nicholson. At least he didn’t kill himself after making the movie. All I’m saying is, if I had to be in a movie with Christian Bale ruining Batman that much, I would’ve killed myself too.
The movie was moving along awesomely, because it was an awesome fucking movie. I don’t recall blinking for 90 minutes because I didn’t want to miss even a nanosecond of it. And then it happened. One of the coolest things ever happens at 1:25 in the video.
When Batman soars up to the moon and uses the Batwing as a make-shift logo, the audience erupted in applause and cheer as if we were all on the street watching Batman take on the Joker first hand and we were giving Batman our approval. The air was electric. I had goosebumps running all over my body. It was awesome.
That electricity continued through the rest of the movie and when it was over, everyone jumped to their feet and applauded the movie. That was one of the coolest moments I’ve ever been apart of, at least as far as watching movies in a theater goes.
The second time it happened was back in 2003 on the first day of showing Freddy vs. Jason. I left work early and caught the very first show. I wasn’t alone, the audience was packed. To this day it was the most people I’ve ever seen at that particular theater for any movie. I’ve been to that place, a Showcase Cinemas, many times and even on Friday and Saturday nights for opening weekend blockbusters the place was always dead. But not on this day at 1 PM in the afternoon on a Friday.
Everyone and their mom showed up. Because like I said in the last piece, everyone had been wanting a Freddy vs. Jason since the dawning of time. And then it happened.
The two titans clashed and everyone was on the edge of their seats, watching with the utmost interest in what was going to happen. Who was going to win? More importantly, who was going to lose?
I’m a Freddy man. I have nothing but respect for Jason, I mean, he’s a total badass. But Freddy is the shit.
We watched and watched until finally the two juggernauts brought each other down blow by blow. And finally there had to be an end to the movie and this is what we got… the answer to our question. Who survived?
As soon as Jason emerged from the water carrying Freddy’s head, half of the place erupted with applause, obviously fans of Jason, while the other half, myself included, booed. That was total bullshit! Say it isn’t so! Freddy slain at the hands of the massive Jason?!
And then it happened, Freddy winks and laughs. The booing half of the audience erupted with cheers and the entire theater jumped up for a standing O. I get chills just thinking about it. Hell, I just rewatched the movie and then, while watching this clip I got chills again.
That’s what a good movie will do for you. Have there been any recently that have caused that sort of emotion from the audience? Have you experienced this in a theater?
We’re currently in a time when there is almost nothing coming out of Hollywood that hasn’t come out in recent years, regurgitated as someone else’s vision as a “remake”, threatening us with a lack of ideas and a horrible outlook on the future of Hollywood movies.
I say “Hollywood movies” because there are a ton of indy films coming out, for better or worse, that show us that the idea of a unique movie isn’t necessarily dead. But Hollywood is Hollywood, for better or worse, yet sadly in recent years it lays more on the “worse” side of things.
Proof can be found everywhere, from the fact that there are a huge amount of remakes in the works for the coming future such as what this list points out (Dirty Dancing remake? Cause that needs to happen.) and that list only scratches the surface. There’s also the recent Amazing Spider-Man which came out just a couple of years after another Spider-Man franchise ended.
Another way we can tell that Hollywood is running out of ideas is by taking a look at certain movie franchises. This is where someone buys the rights to a movie’s name, and then low-budgets their way through countless sequels that tend to completely ruin the vision started by the original creators.
I found a great website that lists a bunch (not all, for some reason) of movie franchises and what they’ve done as far as box-office totals.
Children Of The Corn
Stephen King has created a monster, only this time it was unknowingly. He wrote the book that inspired the first movie, a tale of kids in a corn field who kill for the God they follow.
This is the first time I’ve seen the trailer and now I’m wondering why I ever watched the movie in the first place. The movie is actually better than the trailer would suggest. Plus there’s a totally awesome sex scene in it where two kids (as far as the movie goes they’re supposed to be under the age of 18) bone sexily… in front of all of the rest of the kids as part of a ritual.
The franchise spun out of control and spawned eight sequels. At some point you’d think that people would just stop going to that fucking corn field. The good news is, there hasn’t been one to come out since 2011. The bad news is, that probably doesn’t mean shit. After all, there was an eight year span between parts seven and eight, with eight apparently being a reboot to the franchise, as if it were needed. Sadly, this franchise shows us that even after a ton of sequels, a remake to the original can still happen. Even Hollywood can’t let a remake go.
Other franchises with sequels that spawned remakes of the original when it wasn’t really needed… Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Evil Dead. Sure there are others, I just refuse to go looking for them. Although I will say this… the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was a pretty damn good movie and I’m going to give Evil Dead a chance. If Bruce Campbell can give it his blessing (which was probably just good PR on his part) then I can give it a chance.
Police Academy
Remember the Police Academy movies? Back in the 80s they were the shit. I, for one, am a fan of the first… oh, FIVE of them. But they didn’t stop there. They went on to put out two more movies, the last which was a direct to video movie and did very poorly, as one might imagine. After all, just how long are these cadets in the academy anyway?
The first movie did an amazing $81 million, while each sequel slowly did worse with the last one only making a whopping $126,247. The good news is, the last one came out in 1994, ten years after the first. It’s been almost 10 years since then, but the bad news is it will most likely be a remake in the near future, after Hollywood has completely remade every movie made up to that point and has no other options other than a Police Academy reboot (or put out a completely unique movie, HA!).
Friday The 13th/Nightmare On Elm Street
Now, I’m a huge fan of both franchises, even though I’m a much bigger fan of Freddy Krueger. For those not in the know (you should be beaten), Freddy comes to us from the Elm Street franchise.
Freddy has been the main protagonist/antagonist depending on how you look at him (he’s totally the good guy in my book) for an awesome nine movies while Jason has slashed his way through twelve. The best part about horror movies for me is the inevitable sequel titled something to show it’s the absolute end of the franchise, before having a ton of sequels follow it. Such as Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice (7 movies followed), Friday the 13th part 4: The Final Chapter (8 movies followed), Nightmare On Elm Street 6 titled “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare” (3 movies followed).
I should also point out that it’s not “Nightmare On Elm Street”, it’s actually “A Nightmare On Elm Street”. Just wanted to throw that out there before someone inevitably corrects me. Moving on…
These two giants are such huge characters that fans had been screaming for a mash up of the two for years. I had just turned a teen when me and my friends were talking about it back in 1993 and there were probably talks about it before then. We finally got our wish, Freddy vs. Jason came out in 2003 and lived up to the hype. It was an amazing movie. So amazing, in fact, that it was the highest grossing movie of either series.
Both have been rebooted (and I refuse to watch either) which goes to show that both will live on. The problem is, while Jason can really be played by anybody since he wears a mask and doesn’t speak, Freddy on the other hand has personality. Robert Englund, who IS Freddy Krueger, wasn’t in the reboot as Freddy. I don’t give a flying fuck if the new guy did a good job or not. Rob IS Fred, period.
Planet Of The Apes
Sure you’ve heard of the Planet of the Apes movies, right? They’ve been around since the 60s. They are classic Hollywood. What you might not know, which I didn’t either so don’t feel bad, is that they’ve put out seven movies. And this is proof that it doesn’t matter how new or old a movie is, Hollywood will remake it.
Planet of the Apes came out in 1968 and spawned four sequels. They must have really had nothing to make back then, because the four sequels came out in 1970, 71, 72 and 73. By 1973 the fans didn’t give much of a shit, because each of those sequels also declined in box office totals with each movie, but still for 1973 pulling in almost $9 million wasn’t too shabby.
Everyone forgot about them (except when Mel Brooks made fun of them in Spaceballs) until 2001 when a reboot happened. Everyone rejoiced, but only enough that the franchise was left alone after that. UNTIL 2011 when another movie was put out. So you see, Hollywood has ways to make you think a franchise is finally resting in piece before ruining that dream. It’s never over when Hollywood is in control.
James Bond
I saved the best for last. And by “best” I mean “Bond, James Bond”. I’m not really into James Bond, and I’ll tell you why. I watched “Live And Let Die” once. Once. Typically in a movie the soundtrack is filled with different sounds and songs. Not in this movie. Apparently they had worked out an agreement with Paul McCartney and Wings that the only sound you heard in the movie other than the actors talking would be that song or pieces of it. By the time the movie was over I was so fucking sick of hearing it that I swore I’d never watch James Bond movies again, and I haven’t. Guns N Roses helped to ruin the song as well.
I also have a theory that people continue to put out James Bond movies because of the name alone. Otherwise a spy movie would still be an excellent spy movie because spies do awesome shit with awesome toys. The movie I-Spy was an awesome movie, yet it could have very easily been labeled another Bond film if they wanted to, just because it had spies in it. And it probably would have made more money than it did just by having the Bond name on it.
The fact of the matter is, James Bond is the reigning champ when it comes to a franchise. James Bond has put out an incredible 24 (twenty fucking four) movies since 1963. No other franchise comes close. Friday the 13th is in second place with 12 movies.
Does that sound ridiculous to you? It does to me. To me it sounds like Hollywood has no ideas. This whole list helps to prove that. Sure it’s nice to see your favorite characters having new adventures, but when your favorite character can be played by anyfuckingbody, what’s the point? In those 24 movies, there have been NINE different James Bond’s. If the Batman franchise continues (and it will) they’ll probably come close to that themselves, if not surpass it. Currently there have been five different actors to play Batman in movies, never mind the TV versions.
Despite what Hollywood tells us, more and more of us fans are starting to speak up at the ridiculousness of all of these reboots and sequels. When is enough going to be enough? I’d love to see a movie trailer on TV and think “That looks like a good, original movie!” But I know that won’t happen anytime soon, so I’m not holding my breath.
The fact of the matter is, as long as people keep going to the theater and watching these atrocities, the more Hollywood is going to keep doing this shit. If these reboots stop making them money, they might get the picture.
Get it? “Get the picture”? Never mind.
So people, stop going to see this shit. If you want something unique and original, stand up to Hollywood. Don’t give them the pleasure of ruining the classics for your money. They don’t care about the classics, nor do they care about the not-so-classics. They just want to make money, period. It’s not art to them, it’s money.
So take a stand and do what’s right. Or at the very least wait until it’s out on video before watching it.
Everyone has an opinion and naturally this is just my opinion on a couple of bad instances in classic rock.
For starters, I don’t do well with lip syncing, and I’m a huge fan of live music. If a performer does a live performance and is lip syncing, they are useless to me. If I wanted to listen to the album version of their song, I wouldn’t be seeing them live. That’s one reason I don’t get into the “boy bands” and music of the like.
Back in the day bands used to lip sync all the time when they’d perform live on certain TV shows. My favorite band of all time, AC/DC, lip synced on TV shows when they were getting started. It depressed me to find this out, but I have to accept it because hey, they all did it apparently. And I can sort of understand it too. They were young, trying to get their name and sound out there and they did what they had to do to get that done. Fine. At least I can rest easy knowing they’ve been selling out venues by the thousands since then, and they don’t lip sync at those shows.
One instance of this that really ruined a band for me was the Super Bowl 31 halftime show, featuring the Blues Brothers, James Brown and ZZ Top. I tried to find a video of it on Youtube, but there is none, at least of ZZ Top’s performance. Apparently someone tried to post it and it was flagged by ZZ Top’s people. Most likely because THEY WERE LIP SYNCING.
I was only 17 when that Super Bowl happened back in 1997, but even then I could see a lip syncing performance when it was right in front of me. Now, I’m not sure if every band has to lip sync when playing the Super Bowl halftime show (I doubt it, the Rolling Stones weren’t when they played and they probably should have, it was horrible). But this particular halftime show was bad all the way around. It even made the cut on VH1′s 10 Most Awesomely Terrible Super Bowl Halftime Shows Of All Time, and ironically not for this reason.
It started with a fake news report of one of the Blues Brothers breaking out of jail and making his way to the Super Bowl to perform, and then they came out to perform. It was probably the best part of the show. I don’t remember the James Brown part of it because well, I don’t. But it was James Brown, so it was probably decent. But the fact that ZZ Top were lip syncing ruined the whole damn show, despite that some think it was the best show in the last 20 years. If a classic rock band lip syncing helps to make it the best in the last 20 years, that says a whole lot about the other shows.
The easiest way to tell if a band is lip syncing is to watch the drummer. When you hear a cymbal crash in the music and the drummer didn’t hit one, that’s a good indication. And that’s what I noticed during their performance of “Tush”. I was watching the drummer because I had a feeling they were lip syncing, and sure enough, cymbals crashed and he wasn’t hitting any. Instead he was busy watching the half naked dancing girls all around him instead of paying attention to his own music.
I lost all respect for them then, and still haven’t gotten it back. I wasn’t ever a huge fan of theirs to begin with, so it wasn’t a big loss for me.
The rest of my list includes classic rock bands who not only deserve respect, but have earned it countless times over. Yet even for them they put out some questionably bad music. The first is “Going Mobile” by The Who.
I actually just heard this song for the first time tonight and while it was playing I was thinking “What the fuck is this garbage?” and then I found out it was by The Who and I almost cried. Really? Of all of the great songs this band put out, the radio chose to play THIS song instead? It just does nothing for me. It sounds like a filler song and that’s probably what it was. That’s also probably why I just now heard it for the very first time, and I’ve been listening to them for years. What a horrible song.
The Who are awesome, rather, WERE awesome. Some bands grow old with grace. The Who hasn’t done that. As much as I love and respect them, it would benefit everybody if they just stopped now.
The next on the list is by Queen, one of the greatest bands of all time. Their music was great, their singing all the way around was great (nobody could harmonize like them, ever) and they’ve put out anthems. Not just one, but multiple songs that not only define them but their entire generation of music. Except for this one.
That’s great. You want to ride your bicycle? Who the fuck cares? The biggest problem with this song that I have is it’s played ALL THE TIME on the radio. Never mind that, but it gets stuck in my head and I wind up singing it to myself until something else comes along and replaces it. And I hate that. There’s nothing worse than having a bad song stuck in your head. But I have to give it to Queen. Even their bad songs were catchy as hell.
Lastly, and this one almost didn’t make it to the list because I had justifiably forgot about it, is a song by, again, one of the greatest bands of all time, Jethro Tull.
Now I’m sure that every band has a song or two that sucks, and I don’t hold it against any of the last three mentioned for having a bad song. Even AC/DC has songs I don’t really care for, and I’m one of their biggest fans. But this song by Jethro Tull is absolutely horrible. I seriously think they made it as a joke and some asshole put it on one of their albums as another joke. You know, to get back at them for making it in the first place.
For a band that put out such great songs as “Aqualung”, “Locomotive Breath” and “Thick As A Brick”, it disgusts me to know they recorded this.
First of all, I have a problem with artists making songs with titles or hooks that rhyme, simply because they rhyme. “Bungle in the Jungle”… I can imagine the conversation behind the making of it.
“Hey guys, it rhymes!”
“So?”
“So, that means it’ll be a good song!”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE IT RHYMES!”
Bullshit. You can do your own research to come up with other songs that follow this premise. I’ve had enough of the bad stuff. Now I’m going to go listen to some great music to “rinse my mouth” of this garbage I just subjected all of us to. I suggest you do the same.
Gun Meme’s – The one that I’ve seen recently a dozen or more times is the one that points out “if guns kill people then spoons make people fat.” HAHAHA, HYSTERICAL! I got the joke the first time I saw it. Now if you can’t think of something original to say about guns, then don’t say anything at all. Talk about beating a dead horse…
Now, I’m a huge fan of both franchises, even though I’m a much bigger fan of Freddy Krueger. For those not in the know (you should be beaten), Freddy comes to us from the Elm Street franchise.
Sure you’ve heard of the Planet of the Apes movies, right? They’ve been around since the 60s. They are classic Hollywood. What you might not know, which I didn’t either so don’t feel bad, is that they’ve put out seven movies. And this is proof that it doesn’t matter how new or old a movie is, Hollywood will remake it.
