Delivery Tales: Terrible Customers

There’s always going to be the assholes who don’t tip. There’s always going to be those assholes who not only don’t tip, but make finding them, and dealing with them, HELL, before not tipping. But then there are those customers on a whole other level, that makes the regular stiffer not so bad.

Back when I first started delivering, I didn’t know then what I know now and I would have dealt with these customers differently. But, it’s all a part of the learning curve.

The first one I remember, and will always remember, was to a barber school. They had placed a big order for lunch and I got to take it. They were already known as stiffers, so I didn’t expect to get a tip. But unfortunately for me, the company I worked for at the time had itemized order slips that showed the price for everything ordered, and everyone who ordered paid exactly what they owed. Not only did I not get a tip, but I didn’t get the tax or the delivery fee, and I also didn’t get the money, somehow, for one of the things ordered.

Not that it matters, but the school was made up entirely of black students and teachers. I only bring that up because it seemed to me, at the time and even now, that me being white was a major cause of some of the things they said.
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Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

As always, I’m on the breaking edge of movie reviews, but like, a year behind.

I finally got around to watching this movie, and the quick review is, I loved it. But that’s not why you’re here, is it? You want the long, drawn out, bull shit, filler review. I know, I know. Here it is.

90% of the ooze is steroids.

90% of the ooze is steroids.

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Product Review: Vivitar DJ Mixers

Recently on a trip to Walmart I saw a pair of headphones in the checkout line. I was interested, because I’m always up for a decent pair of headphones that aren’t ear buds, but I didn’t get them. I kept thinking about them and finally decided on my next visit to get a pair. They were under $5, so what the hell, right?

By the way, to whoever popularized ear buds:


Despite there being many different colors, I picked black and quickly went to my destination to try them out. They plugged right into my phone, had a decent range on the cord (4 feet), and they were comfortable on my head, as well as around my ears. When not in use, they fold up perfectly and fit just about anywhere.


I’ve had many sets of headphones over the years, I did work in radio after all, and I’ve had some that hurt my ears after wearing them for too long. The ear pads either weren’t big enough or they just fit weird.

I didn’t get that with these, and I paid a whole lot less for them than any other pair I’ve ever owned. Not only were they comfortable, but they also helped to silence outside sound as well.
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The 2014 Bengals

The last game of the season has ended and the Bengals have lost to the Steelers for the second time this year. At least it wasn’t as disgusting a loss as the last one was. I don’t want to say “I told you so,” but holy shit. I spoke to a man this morning who asked if I was going to watch the game, and I said I was but I had my doubts. He said if I’m a Bengals fan I should back them.

That’s not the point here. I am a Bengals fan, sadly. I’m also a Dolphins fan, so as you can imagine, my life as a football fan is not a good one. But, I’m also realistic, and I’ve been saying it not just this entire season, but for quite a few now. If they don’t look like a good team, they don’t look like a good team. Numbers really don’t mean shit.

To prove that point, when the Bengals scored their second touchdown of the game tonight, cutting the Steelers lead to 20-17, Dalton’s passer rating was better than Roethlisberger’s. Say what? Dalton looked terrible for most of the game and Big Ben looked good. Not great, but better than Dalton. Better than the numbers showed.

To further prove it, the Bengals have been in first place of the division almost the entire season. Their division, by the way, is one that was the most competitive and tightly placed in all of football. Each of the four teams were contenders until the end, and only the Browns fell out of contention, while the other three teams are going to the playoffs.

What I find amazing, is not just that the Bengals were lucky enough to have a winning record this year or be in first place most of the season, because they really didn’t earn it. Only a couple of their victories were true victories. The rest were all fueled by cheap, dumb luck. No, what I really find amazing is that the rest of the division were all winning and were all fighting for the top spot, and they couldn’t get past the Bengals for much of the season.
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Editorial Archives: I’m With The Environmentalists


Not only is Bill Burr one of the funniest people on earth right now, he also knows the way to my heart. By killing almost everybody. I’ve been saying it for years and now he’s taking his celebrity status to broadcast the message to the masses more than I can. Thanks Bill, you’re a true stand-up guy. And I’m not just saying that because you’re a stand-up who happens to be a guy.


Don’t mind the bad grammar and what not. This was a long time ago, before I realized how terrible I am at writing. Now I know, but I still do it. And don’t forget to check out Bill’s new stand-up special on Netflix, I’m Sorry You Feel That Way. It will dominate your life.

Originally posted on Beefy's House o' Fun:

I’m With The Environmentalists
July 16, 2006

That’s right, I said it. I’m with them. We need to save the earth. However, I have a different opinion on how to do it than they do. So technically I’m with them, but they’re not with me. Bastard environmentalists.

What got me thinking about it was when I got a free issue of E/The Environmental Magazine. It was then that I first realized how ironically stupid it is for an environmental magazine to be published. Aren’t magazines made out of trees?

What I keep reading about is how the ice caps are going to melt and the coast lines will be in danger in something like 100 years, or some such time frame when the current population on earth will not be around. I then read about all of these ways we can help stop it, or at least slow down…

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