Movie Review: Turbo

Last night my wife wanted to watch the Dreamworks movie, Turbo, so I thought I’d review it. Sure, it came out last year, but I recently wrote a review of Pretty Woman, so at least I’m getting closer to NOW with this review.

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The movie is about a snail who wishes he could drive a race car. He’s in love with the best race car guy alive at the time, who happens to be French and named “Guy.”

I get that this movie is a cartoon and fiction. But let’s take a look at some things that don’t make much sense.

First of all, he’s a snail. But he operates a TV AND drinks out of a can of soda with a straw. How did he do all that? The straw was two straws stuck together so that they’d reach into the can of soda and down to his mouth. How did he do any of that? He’s a fucking snail.

Second, after he gets juiced, literally, he then takes on all the characteristics of a car. He has lights, an alarm, a stereo. None of that makes sense and it’s unnecessary. It’s only for laughs, of which they got none from me cause I was too busy trying to figure out how the hell any of that would have happened.
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Daily Prompt: Work? Optional!

If money were out of the equation, would you still work? If yes, why, and how much? If not, what would you do with your free time?

I’ve wondered for most of my life why this is even a question. If I won the lottery would I continue to work. Are you out of your fucking mind? Hell no I wouldn’t continue to work.

Many years ago before bills were a big thing, people had to work to eat. Whether they had a farm or whatever, every day was spent working so that they could live and eat and exist. Maybe they were feeding animals or cleaning up their property or fixing their house cause it was made out of sticks.

But today we work because society says we have to. Otherwise you don’t live. You could go live in the woods like Mick Dodge, or you can have internet and Fritos. What’s it going to be? If you decided you don’t want to live in the woods and not under a bridge, you have to have money, and in order to do that you have to work.

Well, if I HAD MONEY, I wouldn’t need to fucking work, would I? No. And I wouldn’t either. I’d work at never fucking working again.
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Captain Obvious Strikes Again

I don’t know if it pisses me off or if it’s entertainment, but one thing is for sure. People who feel the desire to explain things when they don’t need explained, get a rise out of me. Whether they’re doing it absentmindedly, or because they feel they have to explain, or more importantly, because THEY just figured it out and have to explain it because something almost got by them, I always seem to find it as an amusing annoyance.

Now, let me go over what I just said. I think the absentminded people and those who just figured it out and explain it because they’re kind of talking their own way through it, are the ones who make up the majority of those who do this. And that scares me. These people’s brains are working it all out just slightly slower than real time. And sometimes they have to talk to themselves while it’s going on or they’re going to lose their train of thought and it’s all going to go zipping by them and they’ll miss it all.

That thing they’re figuring out? Nothing complicated. That’s what makes it terribly sad, depressing, and unfortunate. It’s not a big math problem or some labyrinth of words and riddles woven together like a ball of mismatched yarn that needs to be organized by color before the next page can be turned. It’s every day simple shit that they have to explain, absentmindedly, unbeknownst to them that they’re actually doing it. Baby steps. It’s something they have to do to stay on track. They’re probably talking to themselves in the morning while they’re dressing themselves, just so a short while later they’re not leaving the house without pants on.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I’m going to give you this tiny phrase made by one person who caused this entire post. Because I know people like her who do this very thing, and it drives me insane. Some of you will get it right away and sadly, some of you will have no idea why this is a problem to me.

My mom sent me a link to a video on Youtube. It seems to me like it’s probably a school project for CGI. While it’s well done, it’s kind of pointless. A bunch of giraffes are high diving into a pool. The animation looks great, but what’s the fucking point to any of it? So yeah, that’s why I think it’s maybe a college project or something. Here, check it out.
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Blatant Rip Offs

I’m kind of sick of rip offs. Or followers. It wasn’t that long ago that following got you nowhere. Now you’re expected to do it to get anywhere.

As a musician you have to sound like everyone else in order to sell albums, or digital downloads, whatever. In movies, there’s a theme now that you have to not act your way to success. I enjoy their movies, but Seth Rogen and company, everybody who are typically in his movies, are all the same person in every movie they do. And that person? Themselves. Acting in movies now means you get in front of a camera and say your lines. They’re not the only ones.

The point here is, I’m sick of it. There’s not a lot of originality going on anymore. Why is that? Have we run out of originality? Hollywood has, as they reboot and sequel every movie that has come out in the last 30 years instead of putting out very many new ideas.

To give you a quick example of something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately, first I want you to take a look at the source material.

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You don’t have to be a fan to know who AC/DC is. They’ve been around for 40 years this year and they’re one of the highest selling bands of all time. Never mind that almost everybody around the world has heard at least one of their songs. So sure, why not rip them off?
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Safeway, Man

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