Buying Art or Buying Crap?

I just half-read an article on Newsweek’s website that talks about people buying art. I half-read it because for one, I hate art and two, I got to the part of the article that pissed me off. Granted, people who have tons of money to just to buy art are probably going to buy something stupid, but what I didn’t consider were those people who buy nothing, for a lot of money.

Here’s the quote from the article that pisses me off.

But when you buy a Weiner you don’t acquire the lettering itself, let alone the 3-D work it implies. You buy Weiner’s immaterial idea, as a certificate that lets you write his phrase in a room, or come up with the sculpture you think it describes. “When you take ownership, you can realize it any way you want,” says Victor Gisler, the Zurich dealer showing Weiner’s balls-y piece, priced at $160,000.

I’d love to have a joke for “But when you buy a Weiner” but I think it says it all for me. Now I ask you, what kind of fucking idiot pays $160,000 for an idea? You can envision it any way you want. Here’s how I envision it.

poop

A big steaming pile of art.

I give artists full credit for being smart enough to get rich dumbasses to pay them hundreds of thousands of dollars (sometimes millions) to buy nothing. Damn I wish I could figure out how to do that. Except no matter how good I might be at it or how much money I could make doing it, even I would never feel good enough to sell nothing for that much money. I recently had a yard sale and felt bad charging more than $2 for a brand  new Pittsburgh Steelers ball cap. Granted, it was a Steelers hat.

Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if the artists really are that smart, to get rich idiots to buy nothing at such a high price, considering these idiots, rather, art collectors seem to be gullible enough to pay outrageous amounts of money for the dumbest of things anyway. For the win…

Crap Art

The Amazing Technicolor Cheese Wedge

This was purchased for $1 million. You read that right cause I typed it right. My fingers actually hurt for typing that. Even they aren’t as dumb as the asshole who paid that much for so little.

I get art and I get why people enjoy having it, doing it, or whatever. I just don’t get what people pawn off as art. The above picture isn’t art, it’s a giant chunk of red crap. It looks like the Statue Of Liberty’s used tampon.

You want art? Go get yourself a picture of dogs playing cards. I have one hanging up in my kitchen right now. Seriously. Why? Because dogs can’t play cards, but the picture says they can. That’s funny to me. And one dog has a card hidden, like he’s going to cheat. Awesome.

I have a piece of art I’m putting up for sale right now. It’s not tangible like the giant red piece of shit above. It’s an idea, like the one Weiner sold to wieners. For the low price of $200,000 you can have the rights to envision my middle finger, shoved right in your face.

Yup

Buy it.

One response to “Buying Art or Buying Crap?

  1. HAhahahaha. Fucking awesome. I laughed my ass off at the tampon line.

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