I’m not a bird watcher by any means, or even a big fan of birds, although I do find them to be a pretty cool animal. The one in particular that I like the most is the Killdeer.
For those of you who have never heard of the Killdeer, which is understandable, I’ll get into more detail about them. Chances are you’ve probably seen them and had no idea what they were. I didn’t actually know what a Killdeer was until I was 25 or so, even though I had seen them many times before.
A Killdeer is an awesome bird that actually hangs out on the ground more than in the sky. They even lay their eggs on the ground, because quite frankly, they just don’t give a fuck.
And that, my friends, is why I like them enough to write a freakin’ blog piece about them. They just don’t give a fuck.
You see, a Killdeer is a good looking bird, looking almost like a small road runner, but even more so, their eggs are pretty cool looking, and the attitudes of these birds rocks.
Speaking of rocks, that’s how their eggs look. You see, if you’re going to lay your eggs on the ground, they have to look either like rocks or grass, so the birds opted for rocks because that’s how they roll.
The most impressive thing about these birds is how they protect their eggs. If they see a predator coming a long, the Killdeer will act like it’s hurt with a broken wing, falling all over on the ground like a drunkard, flopping around and squawking as if it is injured. It will do this to lead the predator away from its nest. Once the predator is no longer a threat or is getting too close for comfort, the Killdeer then straightens itself out and flies away.
Now, the one thing you might be asking yourself, which I asked myself up until today, just why in the hell is it called a “Killdeer”? Some say it’s because of the call these birds make. However, after doing a bit of research I have discovered exactly why.
It’s because these birds can single-handedly take down a fully grown deer all on its own. Yes, the Killdeer is a psychopath.
Don’t believe me? How many times have you seen a deer anywhere near a Killdeer? Exactly, you haven’t. That’s because deer are terrified of this small, innocent looking bird. And they should be. The Killdeer is the wolverine of the bird world. Never mind hawks and buzzards, the Killdeer’s are psycho.
Nobody knows where the Killdeer gets its homicidal rage from, or even why they hate deer so much. They leave most all other animals alone, but they really hate deer. My best guess is, one day many eons ago a deer was walking by a Killdeer’s home, saw a batch of freshly made cookies, and promptly stole one.
So remember, the next time you’re out and about and you see a Killdeer on the side of the road, do yourself a favor and do your best to not look like a deer, or the Killdeer will ruin your shit.
As far as the legitimacy of this info is concerned, don’t worry, you’re reading it on the internet, so of course it’s true.