September 24, 2008 - 2:05am
The new site is almost ready to go. I just have a few more things to get done and it'll be up and running. It just so happens that those few things are the hardest things I have to get through, so it might be another week or so before I'm done, but the site is coming along. Thanks for holding out.
September 11, 2008 - 2:25am
Believe it or not, I'm actually working on getting the new site up and running. I know, it seems like it's taking forever, and it really is. And it's going to continue to take forever as long as I feel like it. So quit your bitching.
In the meanwhile I put up another Classic Download. It's something that you may or may not enjoy, so just check it out to see. Who knows, you might want to listen to it bad enough to wait for the 68 MB's to download.
Oh shit, I almost forgot. It's the anniversary of the planes flying into the World Trade Center. To remember this horrible tragedy, I suggest we all go out and rent those little airplanes that can barely hold the pilot, take them over once we're in the air and crash them into little buildings. Aim for a school.
June 4, 2008 - 9:38am
To put everything together as one, here is the final update for this site. This will be updated accordingly, should anything be updated, but as of right now, this is the update.
The site maintenance is still going on and it's coming along nicely. Expect a brand new looking site sometime in the near future. I promise it'll happen before the end of the Mayan calendar.
The forum is up and running and it's still Proboards. It's worked for me this long, so why not eh? Just because we can't post porn and threats of terrorism on it doesn't mean it's not a bad forum.
I have a new system coming into play here that will go along with the new site. It'll be a one piece blog/editorial system which will take over the current system. It will house both the blog and the editorials and it will rock ass. You'll not only be able to read everything as before, but you'll also be able to make comments on everything, if you wish to do so. Hopefully this will keep the emails to me down to a minimum, since you'll be able to leave your comments on the site.
Finally, Beefy Radio IS done with. Too much bullshit went on with servers and the people that ran those servers, so I finally had enough and decided it was time to end it all. There's no telling if Beefy Radio will ever come back in the distant future, but as of right now there are absolutely no plans to bring it back.
That's it for now... for now.
June 3, 2008 - 1:35pm
The forum is back up and running. I'm actually sort of pissed about that. In a way, I wanted to build my own forum so I could do and say anything I wanted instead of abiding by the pussy rules Proboards has set. But, my members have said they'd rather keep all of the discussions and stuff that we've had over the years in one place instead of moving, so that's the way it'll stay.
June 2, 2008 - 11:50pm
You may have noticed the forum is down. Proboards has always sort of sucked, but the service is actually quite nice. I should say that Proboards itself doesn't really suck, but this asshole named Ryan that works for them somehow is basically the only thing that sucks. In any case, I'm off point.
There was a fire and the forum is down and there's no telling how fast it'll be back up, even though Proboards said it should be somewhere around a day or two and it's been 3 or 4 since it happened. In any case, it should be up soon. And if not, then I leave Proboards happily.
Oh yeah, the redesign of the site is going well. It'll be a LONG process though. If you happen to see different pages (such as this one) looking a little odd, it's because of the redesign, obviously. So get used to it. Until the redesign is done, this place will undergo some odd changes along the way.
May 20, 2008 - 9:22am
You might be coming to this site and thinking "man, this place is going to hell" and you would be right. I've let it go. Things need to be put away, other things need to be dusted, and someone needs to do the dishes something horrible. So, spring cleaning around here is in order. Over the next couple of weeks I'll be giving this place an overhaul. You'll either love it, or hate it, or not give a shit. But it has to be done.
April 30, 2008 - 8:43am
In my last blog entry about the "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie" DVD coming out next tuesday, I said "you shouldn't haste in getting your copy". I was informed that my use of the word "haste" was wrong, and it was. So without further ado, please make haste in getting your copy. Do not be unhasteful in purchasing the movie, as haste is what you need to be in getting it, and not being hasteful would be stupid.
I used haste in updating this to inform you of my improper use of the word haste, and now you should also be hasteful in getting your copy... when the DVD is released in a hasteful fashion next tuesday.
Haste.
April 29, 2008 - 12:35am
Since I'm on a movie kick for this year, here's another you should check out if you haven't already.
On May 6th, Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie will FINALLY come to DVD, and you shouldn't haste in getting your copy. Whether you're a fan of the old show or not, this movie is absolutely hysterical. Up until now the only way you could possibly see this movie is if you had seen it in the theaters when it was originally released, catch it on TV when they play it, which is almost never, or own it on VHS. Or, you could've purchased a burnt DVD copy from some assholes on Amazon.com or Ebay for near $100, which they did themselves from their VHS copy. In any case, hit up your favorite video retailer and pay the introductory price of $15. You won't regret it. It's funny. VERY funny.
March 20, 2008 - 7:57am
It seems that this year might be a good year for movies. Indiana Jones 4 comes out in a couple of months and to be honest, that dominates. We also got to see a new Rambo which quite frankly, also dominates.
I just found out that there's a sequel coming out soon, straight to DVD, called "Lost Boys: The Tribe". The original, if you haven't seen it, is quite possibly the best vampire movie ever. Yes, even better than "Interview..." you assholes. "Interview With A Vampire" is the best vampire movie to those who don't normally like vampire movies. "The Lost Boys" is a cult classic. You can't really go wrong with the two Coreys AND Kiefer Sutherland. Seriously.
In any case, I'll be watching the sequel as soon as possible and I will also give you another awesome movie review after viewing said movie. I will say this though... it's already a winner in my book. It has the two Corey's in it, and an up and coming actor that keeps it in the family with Angus Sutherland. Sweet. Donald man, just keep 'em comin'.
There is ONE downside that I can tell so far, and that is there is a remake of the theme song from the original in the sequel, "Cry Little Sister". Instead of using a recent remake by the band Zug Izland which kicks massive amounts of asshole, they use a new version by some emo sounding shitcan band. That pisses me off, and enough to give the movie a shitty review already. It's a good thing they got the two Coreys. And Jamison Newlander.
Now if only we could get another "'Burbs" flick...
March 9, 2008 - 4:57pm
So I finally got my income tax return. It came in a couple of days before they told me it would. I guess they got their shit together.
And then I was wrong again. They didn't get their shit together. They closed down their shop... before giving me my state return.
I called their main number and talked to a guy at another local branch. He told me that he had received a lot of calls on that place and that he was taking down a list of names and numbers to call back when or if he finds anything out. Apparently a lot of others got fucked over and didn't get anything back from them when they were supposed to.
Unfortunately I can't blame Instant Tax Service. The guy on the phone told me that the company I went through wasn't one of their affiliates. They were just a company that was ok'd to use the name Instant Tax Service.
Fucking bastards at the fake ITS.
February 8, 2008 - 11:42am
Did you know that you can be denied your tax refund? I didn't, until today. Apparently I'm a "high risk" and the bank that pays out the refunds for the tax company I went to didn't want to pay me my refund until the IRS gave them the money to give to me. So basically, I was going to get a loan from that bank for my refund, and I was denied that loan.
In this world, typically, if you were to apply for a loan and you didn't get it, it would be because you suck and they don't think YOU can pay the loan back. In this situation, the bank didn't want to give me the money because they didn't think the IRS would pay them back. That doesn't make sense, does it? Of course not. Not to mention that I'm a "high risk". Of what, I don't know. They wouldn't tell me, even though it's my money they're fucking with.
Then again, we are talking about the IRS and a bank working hand in hand. You know nothing's going to go right with that. Especially since the bank is apparently based out of Santa Barbara.
Instant Tax Service my ass.
January 3, 2008 - 7:59am
I'm not sure how or when it happened, but the font size on my site has been corrupted. I tried fixing it and it takes so much more to fix it than it should, so I'm really puzzled. In any case, I think it's my site telling me it's that time...
I've been wanting to redo the site for a while even though I basically just redid it only a year or so ago, but it needs a better look and now it might just be that time. So if you see a bunch of goofy looking shit on here in the next few months, that's why.
December 8, 2007 - 10:38pm
I constantly get messages from people wanting advice with things. "Who should I vote for?" and "Why does it hurt when I pee?" So instead of ignoring them all, I've decided that I'm going to start a new column here in The House. Ask Beefy will be a weekly ask column (more if I'm flooded with emails) where you can send me emails or even messages on myspace and I'll give you advice based on what you ask. So, think of something you need the almighty help of me, Beefy Booyawn, with and I'll tell you what it is you need to hear. Go ahead, make your day.
Write to Ask Beefy!
November 4, 2007 - 1:08am
I just realized that this past October was the 3 year anniversary of the Editorials. Where's my fucking cake?
October 10, 2007 - 11:15pm
I know I've been slacking hardcore, but I've been really busy. So you'll just have to wait on some updates. However, there should be some coming soon.
August 27, 2007 - 11:53pm
I got fans. I mean, I've always known this because of the simple fact that I rule, but here's a nice picture I got from a fan. Jen, YOU rock.
August 16, 2007 - 12:05am
Ok so, I just recently wrote an Editorial about how shitty the iPhone is and now iTunes is considering Beefy Radio to be one of their elite internet radio stations.
Does this make me feel sort of shitty for writing the Editorial? No, but I know it should and that's all that matters.
In any case, iTunes contacted me saying they will be considering Beefy Radio to put in their line up. There's going to be some time before I hear back from them about it, but iTunes could be in my future. As if I wasn't great enough, now I'll be put out there to the masses via an organization that I hate. The corporate world.
But I'm not a bitch. Sure I hate Corporate America, but I love money, and they got it. So if the chance arises, VIVA CORPORATE AMERICA!
July 30, 2007 - 4:26am
I figured since I was up I should probably tell you something that I've known for a few days already. Amp'd Mobile is going bankrupt.
I called a few days ago to find out if anything was going to happen with the money that they say I owe them and the lady on the phone said she shouldn't really be talking about it, but they're going bankrupt, and apparently it's going to happen on the 31st of this month... tomorrow.
Then I received a letter in the mail about it and basically what's going to happen is, other companies are going to bid on Amp'd Mobile and the winning bidder will basically be the new owner of the company. So a new cell phone service provider (more than likely) is going to take over. Right now it's up in the air as to whether or not that buyout will also include my bill (which it probably will), but I'm still going to fight this.
However, I seen this shit coming since I originally signed with them. Their service sucked all around.
July 18, 2007 - 6:42am
One of my astute readers tipped me off on yet another rip off of my shit. And once again it's by the king of the internet, Maddox. Of course I love his shit, and always have and probably always will. And with his millions of visitors, it's hard to argue against his validity. Except that this happened.
You'll notice on my Editorials page that I recently posted iDon't Give A Fuck talking about the Apple iPhone, and I did so on July 11th.
Take a trip over to Maddox's site and you'll see his newest piece posted on July 16th called The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face. Awesome.
I guess his is better since it has a ton of pictures for you illiterate bastards to look at.
July 13, 2007 - 4:15am
You may have noticed a while ago that my official email address is that of the gmail variety. For the longest time it used to be that you could only get a gmail account if someone that had it sent you an invite to it. That's how I got my first email with them.
Lately though, it seems that they've released it finally (although I never heard or read anything about it) and you can now sign up for an account without being given an invite. So for those of you that have thought of trying it out (which you really should) and you could never get an invite or you never bothered looking around for someone to send you one, here's the link to the page that will get you signed up. The link to do so is to the bottom right of the page.
Click here. Enjoy.
Once signed up, you can just go to mail.google.com to log in.
You're welcome.
EDIT: Just as I posted this blog I clicked both links to try them out and make sure they work, and even now the second link is redirecting to the first, so just going to the main site will give you the option to sign up.
May 27, 2007 - 2:34pm
Some of you know that I've been dealing with Amp'd Mobile's pile of horse shit for a few months now. If you haven't, here's a quick recap.
A few months ago I decided to change cell phone companies. I took a look at what Amp'd Mobile had to offer, and though they were a high price cell phone company, I decided to go with them. I say high price because you can get what they offer from other companies for a lot less per month.
When I was signing up for the service the Amp'd Mobile agent for that particular store had the same phone I was getting and was telling me that sometimes it acts up. The agent said this. She also said I would have to turn it off and back on and it would be fine. The day after I signed the 18 month contract, my phone decided to act up.
Turning it off and on didn't do anything. The phone is a piece of shit. To see the details of this, you can read a review of the phone that I posted on CNET.com.
I decided that I wanted to get rid of the phone and the service and that I would pay the $175 to get out of the contract. I contacted Amp'd many times over the next few months and got nothing. They don't respond to emails and they don't answer their phones. Customer Service with them is N/A. So needless to say, my bill was piling up and I wasn't going to pay it because I didn't want the fucking thing... since the day after I had it.
One time I called the number they gave me for Customer Service and I was on hold for a half an hour. The machine voice told me I would be, so I waited. After that half an hour, the voice came back on and said I'd be waiting another half hour. I hung up. That was the "closest" I came to talking with someone.
Finally today I decided to call back, and amazingly enough I got through to someone. I told her my problem and she sent my problem to their billing department. However, she said until I pay off my bill, even with the $175 cancellation fee put onto it, they were still going to bill me and probably send it to a collection agency. After all, they want all the money they can squeeze out of their customers.
And now I wait to hear from the billing department to see what it is they're going to do for me... or for them. I'll keep the updates coming as they happen.
May 22, 2007 - 3:49pm
You may notice the newest Editorial is only up on my Myspace page. It will be posted here eventually, I just didn't feel like doing it last night.
Also, more changes will be taking place in the next few months. Don't expect them to happen fast. Hell, they may not even happen at all. I'm on a new schedule with my new job and all, and it's hard right now to delegate the time I have to different things. It should all get better soon, but for now, just deal with the lack of updates.
And for those of you that ever wonder about my next book, I am planning on releasing it, but right now I'm not sure when. It's still being worked on.
May 10, 2007 - 9:00pm
There is a big announcement about Beefy Radio on the main page for it, so go check it out. Beefy Radio
May 3, 2007 - 3:04pm
Ok so, the transition didn't go as expected and everything's fucked up. This site SHOULD be back in order, although I didn't check everything. An Editorial was missing, but I hunted that bastard down and put it back where it belonged. I still think I'm missing one though.
Part of this blog was missing as well, and I don't know what happened to that fucker, but I think it's gone. In any case, everything should be back to normal. Should be. If you notice anything wrong, send me a message and let me know.
April 17, 2007 - 3:27pm
I am currently in the works of moving my site to a different host... me. Yeah, I've decided to start hosting websites and I figured I might as well host my own. I haven't had a falling out with Deru at all and still highly recommend them for service. The change just makes sense, and it will save me money. So, starting within the next couple of days, there may be some lag in my site, or even problems with my site opening up. That's because of the transition.
And since I brought it up, if you need some hosting for a site, a domain for a site, or even if you want to host sites yourself as a reseller, you can go through me. I won't mind. Beefy Hosting.
April 14, 2007 - 9:50am
In case you're not the type of person to check this sort of stuff out, there's all kinds of new things going on with the Beefy Radio. So, why don't you head to the Beefy Radio page and check it all out?! Click this shit.
March 15, 2007 - 5:06pm
The other day at work I quit. I walked out. I told them to kiss my ass. And why did I do this?
Because Radio One Cincinnati has a piece of shit for a General Manager. A woman by the name of Lisa Thal. She wanted me to do as much as I could for her without paying me back for it in any way.
I was paid bare minimum to update THREE websites. There was 1230TheBuzz.com, WMOJ.com, and WIZFM.com. I was paid only 40% of what I would've charged anyone else to update their websites. And these weren't just basic websites. As you can see, they were three websites for three major radio stations in the Cincinnati area.
Miss Lisa Thal doesn't know shit about websites. Hell, most of the people in those offices don't know shit about web sites. And that's ok, because not everyone has to know that stuff. But of those I dealt with, Miss Thal included, they expected miracles.
The specifics? Miss Thal wanted me to put a banner for a client on a web page at the top of the page. At the time, the people that set that page up for us to update didn't put the top of the page as an option to place a banner. I tried explaining that to Lisa Thal, but she just quite couldn't understand it.
After asking me several times, one day she decided to call me while I was at home and ask me again. So I told her what the problem was. I even logged back in to the page to make sure it still wasn't an option, and it wasn't. Several minutes went by and I received another call from our General Sales Manager. She asked me the same question and had me explain it to her... WHILE the General Mananger, Miss Lisa Thal, was sitting in the office with her. Didn't I just explain it to Miss Thal? Couldn't she have just explained it to the General Sales Manager?
It's obvious to me that Lisa Thal isn't as smart as she lets off, and she shouldn't be in charge of three major radio stations. But who am I besides someone that doesn't have his head up his ass?
Since it didn't get done, apparently someone contacted the company that originally designed the page and had the option to put a banner at the top of the page put in, and someone else at my former station put the logo on the top of the page, thus making me look like I have no idea what I was doing.
I was fired from the position.
I told the General Manager to open her ears and listen the next time someone is talking to her. I then went to my boss's office and told her I quit. And I did.
Everyone thought it was a joke. Everyone thought I was coming back. And now, I'm getting all of the emails and phone calls from people that are just now realizing that I am gone, and that all of the shit I used to do for the three stations is now on their hands and they can't deal with it.
Joke's on you, assholes. You fucked with the wrong guy.
February 16, 2007 - 2:15pm
What's been going on that I haven't blogged all year so far? Everything.
Just so you know, there are a few Myspace only Editorials that I've posted, so if you're not in tune with my Myspace page, then you should be.
Click here damnit.
January 24, 2007 - 10:30pm
For those of you that are pro wrestling fans, you may know of a guy named Konnan. Well, it would seem that Konnan isn't doing so good. You see, he needs to have a kidney transplant or he'll die. This isn't some made up wrestling story line, this is real life.
The problem is, he has no medical insurance, and the surgery costs somewhere around $35,000. They already have a matching kidney, but without the cash, they ain't doing shit.
So, if you'd like to help out with some donations, which I will be doing as well, we can save the life of an entertainer who's entertained millions for many years. If you can part with a dollar, it would be appreciated. Sure you won't be able to hit up McDonald's value menu one day, but oh well.
Here's the deal though. If you've been thinking to yourself, "I sure would like to get a copy of Beefy's book Grandma-isms, but I'd really like to save a life in the process," today is the greatest day of your life.
From now until the end of January, if you buy a copy of Grandma-isms, all cash made from the transaction will be donated to Konnan's recovery. So help out if you can. Please.
If you don't want to buy the book but still want to donate, that's perfectly fine too. Head to my Myspace blog for more details on Konnan's condition as well as the details of where to send money. Any help at all would be greatly appreciated by all involved, including me.
Thanks for your consideration. Help someone out. Even if you're not a wrestling fan, buy a book. You get something and you get to help out someone in need.
January 21, 2007 - 10:24pm
The Indianapolis Colts just beat the New England Patriots to go to the Super Bowl. Fuck yeah. As everyone should know, I hate the Patriots, and especially that fucking Corey Dillon. In any case, I hope the Colts win the Super Bowl, for as much as I'd like to see the Bears win. Hell, I might actually jump on the Colts bandwagon.
December 21, 2006 - 1:36pm
First of all, those changes I was going to do to the site I'm no longer going to do. So everything's back to the way it was. In other words, everything's back to awesomeness.
Since this is the holiday season, I just thought I'd wish you all a very horrible X-Mas and an even shittier New Year! Make sure to check out the new X-Mas Editorial. It rocks hardcore.
December 17, 2006 - 2:54pm
If you couldn't tell, I'm making some minor adjustments to the site. And to get the most out of this site now, it would be best to view it in 1280 x 1024 resolution. Don't worry about it, the updates will be done soon enough. It would be nice to have them done before the new year, but that isn't going to happen. Just know that it will get done soon. It won't bother your viewing of the site though.
December 12, 2006 - 6:27pm
I bet you thought you'd never have to sign up to the mailing list, didn't you? Well now the tables have turned and you're a bigger jackass than everyone previously thought.
There's a hidden Editorial here on the site, and there's only a select group of people that knows where it's at. And THEY are the members of the Editorials mailing list.
It's ok though. You don't have to sign up now, because the email with the link has already been sent, and it's not going to be resent.
However, there is still hope. Pick up my next book when it comes out, "If You Want To Be Right About Everything, Read This Book" will have this "hidden" Editorial in it, because I just now decided to include it.
Loser.
November 19, 2006 - 8:29pm
I was hoping to have it out by Christmas, but it looks like it won't be. But I now have a title for it, as well as a book cover. And without further ado, here it is.
November 11, 2006 - 3:36pm
The new toon idea I had has been pushed aside. WHO KNEW?!
I have decided to write another book, which actually I had decided a while ago, but my attempts have picked up and I'm finally writing it, and it's coming along very nicely. I was hoping to have it out by X-mas, but I don't think that's going to happen.
In any case, the new book is titled "If You Want To Be Right About Everything, Read This Book" and it's basically going to be a giant Editorial. So that means the Editorials may not be updated for a while. However, I may have a cool X-mas story for you by the time that rolls around, and I'll definitely have a Year In Review as always.
With that said, keep a look out for the book.
November 4, 2006 - 9:35pm
For those of you waiting on a new toon from me, your wait is finally over. However, it's not a new Janus toon. I may get back to those eventually, but we'll see.
Until then, I've decided to do another toon. Last night while drunk, I figured out what I really wanted to do. And it came to me.
I'm going to start doing toons for The Red Green Show.
That's right. For those of you that know The Red Green Show, you'll know how awesome it is. For those of you that have never seen it, look it up on your local PBS station.
I'm going to do a toon with my drawings, and my voices. Currently I'm working on a preview for the toon, and when it's ready I'll have it posted here on the site. Until then, you'll just have to wait.
October 16, 2006 - 6:21pm
If you haven't noticed, the site looks different. Well, I told you awhile back that I would be changing things around here. And it would seem that I have.
What you'll notice though, is the main page is the only one I changed. And the forum, but that doesn't count.
Everything else will follow suit soon enough. I have about 500 pages I have to change over to the new look. So until then, you're just going to have to deal with my site having multiple personality disorder.
October 9, 2006 - 4:13am
I was just watching tv at 3:49am on a monday morning, because I don't have to work tomorrow. I'm sick with allergies and I need to get myself better.
While watching tv, I'm also drinking a nice 6 pack of Beam and Coke and hitting on a little green, because I'm trying to make myself better. I don't care who you are, I've healed myself several times with this method, and I know others that have as well. The next time you're sick, try it, and let me know the results.
Anyway, a commercial came on for a new reality show starring Mr. T called "I Pity The Fool". Pork originally told me about it and I was sort of disgusted. After seeing the preview, I can't wait to see it.
Maybe it's because I'm high, or drunk, or sick, or all three, but that show looks like it's going to be fantastic, with a little bit of hysterical thrown in. I can't wait to see it.
Beefy's Illness Remedy
The first thing you need to realize is, this doesn't cure all illness. If you have a general cold or allergies and you just can't seem to take the right medicine, here's what you have to do. Trust me, this works.
Get a bowl: I know some of you that will totally hate the idea of smoking weed and/or totally hate the idea of me smoking weed. Eh, life sucks. But would you rather take something made by man in a laboratory, or something God put on earth for you?
Anyway, get a bowl and sit it next to you.
Get alcohol: This is the important part. Make sure to NOT GET BEER. Beer is not good in this situation. What I prefer is a nice Captain Morgan's in coke. I love rum, and it's because of that love that I found this very remedy. Later I've found that basically any sort of harder liquor mixed in something is uasually the way you want to go. So just pick your favorite.
Things that work well... Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, rum, vodka... just find your favorite. Mix it in something of your choice, and voila ("walla" for those of you that are idiots).
Also, you may not want to use orange juice. You can, but it'll help keep you flemmed up, which I'm sure you don't want.
As far as how much to use, I generally our about 3 quarters of a can of coke into a glass over three ice cubes, and then fill the rest of the glass with whichever alcohol I pick. Stir, sip. Drink about 3 of these. More, of course, if you can handle it. But at least 3 should be consumed. This also helps to get you some sleep which you'll need. And you should get a great night's sleep.
Drink your first, and make a second. Now it's time to light up. Smoke your bowl. If you have a joint, that's fine as well. But you only need enough to where you can feel it. If you are an actual weed smoker, then you can smoke as much as you want. But for those of you that normally wouldn't do this, just take a hit or two... however long it takes before you feel any change in your head.
That's all you need, and you'll 99% of the time feel a lot better in the morning.
This has worked for me several times, including now, and I know at least 4 other people that do this when they're sick and it always helps them.
September 30, 2006 - 7:15pm
How fitting that my last update was on the first of September, and this one is on the last day of September? Damn, I really should update more, eh?
Well, with that in mind, here's the biggest update I could make. I've been working on redesigning my site for a while now and it's really coming along. So, sorry for the lack of updates, but it'll be worth it soon. I can't say right now when the final changes will take place, but it'll probably be before the end of the year.
The end of WHAT year, I don't know.
September 1, 2006 - 11:02pm
There's yet another new Classic Download, so go check it out. NOW. Click it or ticket.
August 24, 2006 - 2:18pm
This post is to tell you about my dog, Angus. As it turns out, he's a magic dog. I had no idea originally, since dogs aren't typically magical by nature.
I came home today and hear a bunch of whining. I find Angus in the middle of the living room floor, rolling around and frantically pawing at his mouth with both paws. Naturally I sat down and watched him, because he was putting on a show for me.
He did some really funny things, so I was laughing and pointing. And then I seen what happened. He wasn't putting on a show, or so I thought at the time, rather, he had around his bottom jaw a center bone I had given him as a treat. This isn't exactly what he had, but it's close...
I held him down and looked at it and there was absolutely no way he could've gotten that on by himself... unless he used the powers of magic... or Satan.
I tried turning the bone so maybe I could slide it over his front fangs, but that did nothing. It was on permanently. Again I wondered how the hell he did this.
I finally broke down and decided to take him to the vet. I got him on his leash and headed out to the car. I let him in and walked around to the drivers side and opened the door and there on the floor board was the bone. He got it off.
I don't know how he did it, but I'm not going to question it. At least I didn't have to pay outrageous prices at the vet for them to get it off.
Next week Angus will be doing some shows in Vegas alongside Criss Angel. Make sure to check it out.
August 21, 2006 - 4:12pm
Can you believe it? There's a new Classic Download ready for you to enjoy. What is it? You'll see. And it's been in the news for a week or two now, so you may have already heard the censored version of it... I got the real version, of course. Check it out.
Also, there will be some new Editorials coming your way VERY soon...
August 17, 2006 - 10:30pm
It seems to be a running thing here on the blog. So I figured I'd update. This will probably be the last of this update.
A long time ago on the blog (if you search far enough you'll find it) I posted about a lady that works in the same building I do, and I said if I was to EVER rape someone, it'd be her. Not that I would ever do that, but if I was to do that, it would be her. She's just that fucking hot.
I then made another post (if you search not quite as far you'll find it) where I said she was pregnant. It was good news to me that I had proof she puts out, but she wasn't so hot pregnant, so the rape idea was gone.
She's since had the baby, and now she's back to her old self, with just a tad bit more weight, which made her even hotter. So that means the rape thoughts are back. Again, I would never, but if I was to actually want to rape someone and go to prison for life, she'd be the one I'd do it to. Fucking hot.
August 9, 2006 - 9:27pm
If you don't like shit jokes, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? Anyway, this is a discussion on shit. So if you don't like it, don't continue to read.
You know how every morning there's a traditional morning piss? Well, this morning I had to do a morning shit. Unfortunately I didn't wake up with enough time to take a shit before I left for work, so I just held it.
I got to work and the pain was growing worse. I knew I had to drop a log, but I had no time to at work. My schedule there is pretty tight. And I knew I had to work my second job as a bartender today as well, so I had NO time to do the deed. This was going to suck.
As the day went on, the pain grew. After about 11 hours of working with no chance of shitting, my body sort of went into shock and I no longer felt the pain. I could still feel the pressure though, and I knew something bad was going to happen later.
I got off of work at 8pm, which was the end of my 15 hour work day. I rushed home and sat on the toilet and thought about squeezing, but as soon as I sat down, the shit started rushing thru my rectum and into the bowl like the audience at the Who concert back in 1979. There were tragedies.
After a half hour of releasing the soft serve, I cleaned myself up and looked into the toilet to see the aftermath, and to my surprise there was three tiny turds at the bottom of the bowl looking back up at me. That was it.
I don't understand it, but I feel better, and that's all that matters.
July 27, 2006 - 11:37pm
On my last blog entry I mentioned the Laffunstock Festival. I know it isn't much of a warning, but if anyone is in or around the Bellefontaine, OH area tomorrow or saturday, look for the Laffunstock Festival and come hang out. I'll be there, if that means anything. But if you're a fan of the site, this would be a good time to see how I party, and you might even be in the Editorial and/or blog entry I write for this weekend. In any case, come on out, it'll be a great time. And if any of you are fans of the Bob And Tom Morning Show, then you've probably heard of a guy named Duke Tumatoe. He's headlining friday night.
July 22, 2006 - 8:30am
Last night was a fun night, surprisingly. I went with Jim Funk from 2 Days Away, and Bob and Nick from Sandwal Shultzy to the historic Southgate House in Newport, KY to see two indy legends perform. One was Ekoostik Hookah and the other was TriFectaFunk.
We showed up around 9pm and the place was already starting to get full. The guys got their tickets and I stepped up to the counter.
Man: That'll be $15, and I need to see your ID.
I knew there was something I forgot to do. I lost my license 2 weeks ago and have yet to get another one. Southgate's rules are simple. You don't have an ID, you have to leave. The other guys were upset that I couldn't party with them, but shit happens.
I told them to go have a good time and I'd be around when they were done. After all, my car was at Jim's house.
I went to the music room on the first floor, which is free to get into, and sat at the bar. Another band was about to play, Taylor Farley and Blue Rock, an awesome local banjo picking jam band. I was honestly shocked at how good these guys were, and I can't wait to see them again.
However, all I could drink was Coke, and I was kind of pissed off at not being able to see the two bands I had gone to see. I had seen TriFectaFunk before and they rock. Hookah however, is a band I've yet to see and I'd love to. I was really looking forward to this night.
After a few songs from Taylor Farley and company, I felt I should try to buy my way into the show I came to see. I headed back to the ticket guy.
Me: Dude, I know I need an ID, but I'm 26. You can write on my hand with a marker that I can't buy beer or whatever, but I'm the designated driver and I swear I won't be drinking.
Man: *points to the sign* "ID Needed To Get In: No ID, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE"
Me: I'll pay you. I'll give you all the money in my wallet. If I have no money, I can't buy beer.
Man: Sorry, you can't come in without an ID.
What a prick.
From there I went outside where a nice crowd had gathered. This is a hang out spot at the Southgate House. From there I decided that I was going to walk off my frustration.
Where I was, I could've easily walked across the Ohio River into Cincinnati and been at my work, which is just right up the road from the river. At my work there are computers, and I could hang out there, in an uncrowded place, and play online. It was something to do.
I started across the street and a taxi pulled up next to me. As the riders got out of the cab I asked the driver if he could take me over the river and he said he could. This was my first taxi ride of the night.
I hung out at my work for about an hour before Jim called me.
Jim: Where are you?
Me: I'm at my work. You can pick me up when you leave.
Jim: Ok, I'll give you a call.
Sick of playing online I sat down in a chair we have in our lounge. It just happens to be a very comfortable chair. I fell asleep. It was roughly midnight.
I wake up in the chair and look at my cell phone. It's 5:30am. FUCK. Jim had tried calling me, but for some reason the ringing cell didn't wake me up. This wouldn't have been too much of a problem if I didn't have to be somewhere at 7, and my car was still at Jim's house.
I call Jim, and got nothing. He's done partying for the night and passed out. So, I get online and find a cab company and call one up.
The cab gets me from downtown Cincinnati at around 5:50am and I got to Jim's at around 6:15am. I made my 7am appointment, went out for breakfast, and made it home. It's now 8:30am and I'm done with the night. Home at last, with my car. And broke. Damn taxi's.
By the way, here's a cheap plug. The second annual Laffunstock Festival is taking place in Bellefontaine, OH July 28th and 29th. 2 Days Away and Sandwal Shultzy will be performing, among many others. Meet us there... I'll be there partying my ass off... and I'll have my own car this time.
July 17, 2006 - 4:30pm
The newest order of books came in today for autographed copies. If you want one fast, order it now. There are only a few left. If you did order an autographed copy, it'll be sent tomorrow.
July 16, 2006 - 2:10am
I don't do this much, if ever, but I'm going to say a few words about the Editorial I just wrote. It's a masterpiece. It's the rough draft to what was going to be the Bible, before it was rewritten. This is the greatest thing ever, and I'm fucking pumped that I posted it for others to read. After all, something this good should be shared.
I now give to you, the article that I will no doubtedly win a Pulitzer, Nobel Peace Prize, and probably even a Tony for. I'm With The Environmentalists.
I'm posting this blog and the Editorial at 2am because you'll probably see this first thing in the morning and after reading it you'll have a better day than you've had in a long time, guaranteed.
July 9, 2006 - 2:53pm
Man, you guys are like rabid dogs. As soon as I posted the last blog entry I got several more requests for signed copies. SO, I just placed another order for signed copies, and they'll be coming in to my place in about a week and a half. You'll get yours shortly after, if you ordered one.
And I got a few extra copies in case I got more orders, so if you'd like to get one, know that there will be some extra copies. I'll post here when they're gone.
The reason for telling you I'll have extra copies available is so you won't have to wait as long. When they're gone, you'll have to wait a little longer so I can order them and have them to sign. So if you want one soon, get the order in now, or wait later. Click here.
July 8, 2006 - 1:07pm
There are no more books left for autographed copies. I sold the last one last night. However, if you ask nice enough, you might get me to sign one...
The next book is coming along nicely. It should be out within the next couple of months.
June 30, 2006 - 5:37pm
For those of you that ordered an autographed copy of my new book Grandma-isms, it'll officially be on it's way to you this coming monday. So, depending on how long the USPS breaks for the 4th of July, it should be arriving at your place within a week, maybe just a little longer.
June 22, 2006 - 6:38pm
I have a book, and it's FOR SALE! Go buy a copy. Now.
Check it out.
June 16, 2006 - 1:23pm
Lately this site has doubled it's traffic. That's awesome! I'm glad everyone's enjoying this site.
I decided to look up stats, and I found the NUMBER 1 part of the site everyone goes to when they come here is the Body Paint section. SO, I added another page of body paint pics for your enjoyment.
Ain't I a nice guy?
June 13, 2006 - 3:18pm
Yeah, I'm writing a book. What is it about? You'll just have to wait... unless you're a member of the forum. I posted an excerpt there.
The news on this though, is that I'll be making my book updates via the "Ass" mailing list, which happens to be the mailing list meant for random emails that mean nothing. If you haven't signed up for it, do so now. You can sign up on the main page. Of course, updates will be slow to none until publishing begins. But you should join anyway, so that you can have something to look forward to.
6-6-06 - 8:18pm
Oh my god, we're all going to die! It's the sign of the devil! HOLY SHIT, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Dumbasses.
May 31, 2006 - 4:35pm
I didn't think he stopped by my site, but then again, who doesn't? Well, besides everyone?
I just got my copy of Maddox's book, "The Alphabet Of Manliness" and I will have a review for it as soon as I'm done. However, I got to the "D" section and found something rather interesting... it was like deja vu. Check out my first Editorial for the update.
May 23, 2006 - 4:00pm
There's going to be a huge announcement regarding this website by the end of this month in the form of an Editorial. Just an FYI. But major changes are about to happen.
May 14, 2006 - 12:04am
I just updated the Classic Downloads with a video of a Fox interview with Tucker Max. You can get it on his site, but why, when you can get it here? So go check it out.
Also, I appreciate the emails about updating, but stop please. I can't respond to all of you with the same message. I mean, I could, but what's the point? Read this and know that I am very busy and working on several things. If you want more of me (I don't know why), then befriend me on MySpace and you'll get more of me.
April 19, 2006 - 2:30pm
I know updates have been slow and I'm sorry. I've been really busy lately and I don't know when it's going to slow down because I plan on taking an online course very soon and that'll eat up a lot of my time. Plus I got a new baseball game for my PS2 and I've been playing the hell out of that when I got any amount of free time.
I do want to mention here that I have several MySpace pages that you might want to check out, and I will of course accept friend requests. For starters, there's my personal page, myspace.com/beefybooyawn that I'm on every day.
Bare, Jr. -I run the official myspace.com fan page for the now defunct band Bare, Jr.
Beefy Radio -The official myspace page for my internet radio station.
Janus -The brand new page for my Janus toons. Those will come more frequently, and better looking, after I complete this online Flash course. But the page is there, so check it out.
So just to let you know, updates will continue being slow for a few months, more than likely. Your best bet is to sign up to the mailing lists to be informed of when things are updated here, instead of coming every day and looking and being pissed off that nothing has been updated. I know the feeling. Obviously the Editorials mailing list is sent updates when a new Editorial is written, but the Ass mailing list is now getting updates on the site in general as well as other random crap by me when I feel like sending something.
That's it for now.
April 14, 2006 - 8:51pm
If you read the last blog entry (which you can see below), or if you've been browsing the forum lately, you'll know my dog, Angus, broke his leg and had to get surgery. Well, I got him back yesterday and he's fixed. Literally. After he got his knee reconstructive surgeried on, he got his balls snipped. Yes, he was de-guy'd.
So he'll be back to normal in 2 months, and I should have a new picture of him up here for you to see. Hopefully he'll be either burying a dead body or playing lead guitar, like I've been teaching him. In any case, here's a pic for you to gaze at. This is Angus with his satellite around his head. He gets 137 channels.
April 11, 2006 - 2:21pm
So my dog and I were playing around a few nights ago and he jumped up to bite my hand and when he landed there was a loud POP followed by a bunch of yelping by Angus. So I took him to the vet and it seemed as if he had broke his leg. I took these pictures of him sitting against my legs at the vets office.
UPDATE - 8:45pm: He's currently staying the night at the doc's office, and he'll be getting surgery on his leg tomorrow. He's also getting snipped and getting this tiny hernia fixed. The whole ordeal is costing me a healthy $1700. Of course I don't have that kind of cash. Anyway, I get him back in two days and he has to wear a cone for a possible 2 months with no running or jumping for that long, too. He's a puppy, he'll never survive.
April 7, 2006 - 4:32pm
Yahoo fucked with me and didn't realize they fucked with the wrong person. This shit is going to stop NOW. Check out the newest page on Beefy's House o' Fun, which is soon to be a new site. Maybe you've been fucked by them too and need somewhere to turn. You've found the right place.
April 3, 2006 - 2:08pm
Damn I was drunk on that last blog entry.
Anyway, I thought I'd share this. I was on my way home and I seen the gas station at the end of my street with this price, so I thought this was the perfect time to try out my new camera phone. The price on the left is unleaded.
I'm sure it was a fuck up. But they didn't seem to be hurrying in any way to change it.
Oh yeah, I know I said camera phones were stupid, and while they are, I got mine because of shit like this that I see on a regular basis and never have a camera around to show people. Things are a changin'.
March 30, 2006 - 10:48pm
Pardon my drunkeness.
As most of you know, I play darts on a dart league with the Pub where I work. Well, amazingly to everyone involved, my team is in second place, and we were just 13 games behind first. The only problem is, the first place team is a bunch of shooters that shouldn't be on this league. Granted, we're all good for the most part, but it's a league for fun more than kicking ass, since there's only a handful of us that can kick ass. But this team, they kick ass.
Tonight we had to play them, and play them we did. We started off a little slow but picked it up with multiple wins in a row. You see, we play 11 games in a night. Had we won all of them, we would've been down by 2 games. That didn't happen, but we had a hell of a good time... which is proven by my drinking limit...
So we won the night, actually I won the night by winning the last game. We were tied at 5 a piece, but I pulled it thru in the end for our team. So we won, but we're still down by 12 games. Luckily, they're the only team that's really put up a fight, so we should catch up to them by the end of the league.
And why am I telling you all this? Because I'm drunk. But more importantly, very proud of my team.
March 28, 2006 - 8:55pm
If you haven't heard yet, Maddox wrote a book. It's now available for pre-order on Amazon.com and you can get the link to it, and a whole hell of a lot more, on the book's official website, www.AlphabetOfManliness.com.
My schedule's opening up nicely, so the updates might actually get done soon. And I do have a few updates to make...
That's it for now. BEOTCH.
March 26, 2006 - 3:15pm
I just posted a new Editorial that will most definately be the most sincere Editorial I've ever written, and will probably ever write.
It's about our freedom of speech, and how it is currently under jeopardy. Please take a look at it, and do what you can to help, if anything. Thanks. Don't Let Them Take Our Freedom.
March 24, 2006 - 1:26pm
This is my official announcement that I have started a new religion. It is the Church of Contemnology.
Basically, we're allowing you to think for yourself. The best part of this religion is that even if you don't agree with us and you don't like us, you're still a part of it because you're thinking for yourself. So technically, this is the biggest relgion in the world, because almost everyone thinks for themselves. Actually...
The term "Contemnology" comes from the Latin word contemno meaning "hate" and the Greek word logos meaning "study of." So our religion is the study of hate. And what do people hate more than being lied to? We're sick of being lied to, and we're making a stand by telling everyone that we think for ourselves now. No more organized religion bullshit.
I'm the head of the Church, since I created it, and my official title is Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality, and my followers, all of you (whether you want to be or not unless you don't like thinking for yourself) are Free Thinkers.
I am an ordained minister, which most of you didn't know, but it's true. And this is what I've decided is my path. This is where I'm supposed to take my mission. And my mission is to rule the world, and with your help, I can accomplish that.
More to come on this in a few. I just wanted to make the official announcement first. The whole thing will be posted here soon enough, in the form of an Editorial.
March 21, 2006 - 10:31pm
Noticed there have been no updates lately? Yeah well, I've been busy. As in FUCKING busy.
For starters, I gave up two websites that I used to lay claim to. TM Ghost Hunters... yeah, that was mine. So was Cartelz.com. I gave both up. It was getting to be too much. However, both sites are still run by friends of mine, so if you stop by, say hi. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
Next, I'm thinking of starting two things. One would be online classes to learn all I can about Flash animation. I know, the works I created previously are kind of crap... though they are awesome. But I'd like to do some really nice shit, including websites. I'd like for that to be my main source of income one day.
The next class I'd like to do is to learn how to be a good drummer. I've always wanted to be one, and since I've played just about every other type of instrument, I figured this was the next stop. So, I might be getting into that.
There have been several other things keeping me busy on top of the websites, but those aren't really anything special. Just special enough to keep me busy.
So now I'm settling down a bit, and hopefully I'll be getting everything back in order soon, and more updates will follow. Currently there are something like 5 pages that need to be put up here that are done or close to done, and have been for quite some time now. I've just been slacking.
That's it for now. More to come later.
March 3, 2006 - 4:38pm
The Beefy Radio has been fixed for sure this time, so go check it out! New shows of Beefy and Pork's Butcher Shop are coming soon as well!
March 2, 2006 - 1:38pm
I have something new that some people seen on my forum. I've got it posted several other places where I know my friends will see it. This is no different. If you happen to be one of my friends or even a member of my family, then you definately need to read this. Otherwise, it doesn't concern you, but you're all more than welcome to read it, that's why I posted it.
If that isn't your thing, then take a look at my new puppy. He's awesome. This was taken right after I got him. He's just a little bigger than that now, but not by much. He's actually more of a hellian than when I took this.
March 1, 2006 - 5:22am
Last night I had an odd dream. I don't know why I'd have a dream like this since I'm so against war, unless it's for a good reason, which means I'm against the current war...
But I did see a commercial for a new game on PS2 which was yet another war game and I thought to myself, "This is getting a little rediculous." Because we have enough fucking war games. Yet each one that comes out is more real than the last. Before long your TV is going to actually shoot at you.
Anyway, I had a dream last night, which also helps to prove that you can read in your dreams. There's this thing that says you shouldn't be able to read in your dreams. Well, last night while I was dreaming, I had a Mt. Dew and I opened it and looked at the bottom of the cap and instead of saying I won something or I must play again, it said simply, "Draft".
I sighed and realized this is what I must do. The next memory is of me on a cliff. I was wearing a uniform, and I had a sniper rifle and I was trying to shoot someone that was wearing a different color uniform. And I thought I was hidden, until I looked away from the scope and realized there were something like a hundred of my guys in front of me on this cliff and they were shooting off canons and stuff. But for some reason the people on the ground weren't shooting back.
The next thing that happened was me in a living quarters. I was being given a tour by someone and I was shown my bed. It was at this point that I realized I had no idea what I was doing there.
Then I met this woman that was my age and she started answering questions. I remember saying to her that I felt like I was dreaming. Ah, funny.
In the dream I liked her. She was nice to me and kind of a familiar face, even though we'd never met. Then these other guys showed up and we had to meet them. I thought they were from the other army, which was odd.
I also remember thinking about what would happen if a bomb just happened to show up, and what would I do?
Then there was an explosion and I woke up for work.
I thought about this dream all the way to work and now that I'm typing it up, and I must say, I almost enjoyed it. I know that was much different than say, a real war, but I want to find this chick now that I talked to.
You see, I have this thing where when I dream of something it usually comes true... especially if it's that real. Kind of weird, and it freaked me out the first couple of times it happened, but now I'm cool with it.
I'm just hoping the woman part was real and the me being drafted part wasn't. The woman was just cool, and I need to find her for some strange reason. I don't know why, I just do.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated on it. And if there's no updates to the site for a few months, I was drafted and I'm probably dead in Iraq somewhere.
Febuary 21, 2006 - 6:34pm
I have a new and twisted toon available for your enjoyment! It's from my sick little head...
EDIT: 6:56pm - Already there are comments on Newgrounds about it, which I posted here... and already it's been kicked off of Newgrounds. That's how "bad" it is. I guess not everyone finds things funny like I do. Bastards.
Febuary 14, 2006 - 5:36pm
I'll have a few new Editorials coming soon, so keep a look out for those.
One of them is going to be about the night Pork and I had when we went to Bloomington, IN to see a punk band we both like called The Queers. What a fun night. Especially when Danny Vapid from The Methadones tried to beat the piss out of some asshole that was spitting on him while he was playing... right in front of us.
Also, the problems I've been having with Beefy Radio should hopefully be resolved soon. If not, then we'll just have to do something else to get it up and running full speed.
And I'm getting closer to getting back into the Flash. I'm going to be taking some courses on doing Flash, and when I get done, you can expect to see some new cartoons... and hopefully a ton of them. I've got so many ideas for them it's rediculous.
Anyway, that's it for now.
UPDATE 6:42pm - Beefy Radio is now online again! Head over to the Beefy Radio page to listen to it right on your browser! Just like old times!
Febuary 09, 2006 - 2:35pm
Back on May 5th, 2005 I posted a blog entry here titled "Blonde" about a woman I see in my building at work all the time. Here's part of that entry. If you scroll down to the date I mentioned, you can read the whole thing.
For some reason I thought about rape. And then I thought that if there was any possible way ever that I could ever bring myself to rape a woman, which would absolutely never EVER happen, it'd be this blonde chick that I see all the time that works on one of those two floors above mine.I hadn't seen her in a while and I was starting to think I'd never see her again. After all, she's hot.
Well, today I seen her and it looked as if she'd put on some weight. I got on the elevator with her and one of her co-workers, and her co-worker asked her when she was due. So, she's pregnant. She finally got knocked up, and it wasn't by me. Damn.
Febuary 04, 2006 - 6:02pm
There's a new Classic Download and it's pretty funny. Go check it out. Also, there's a new shirt for one of the recent Editorials. You can check it out on the Editorials page or go to my online shop to check it out.
January 24, 2006 - 2:04pm
There's a new announcement about the Beefy Radio on the Beefy Radio page. Head over there to check it out. It's good news to me, and it better be good news to you... Beefy Radio.
January 19, 2006 - 4:50pm
Today is a sad day. Some of you know I was trying to get a band started. My part in that is I play guitar. I've been playing guitar for about 13 years now.
Well, the band didn't work out, as per usual. So today, I sold my guitar and amp. Why? Because I needed the money. And looking at the guitar made me mad because it was a damn good guitar and deserved to be played, and I couldn't offer that to it.
The only thing I can hope for now is that it'll wind up in a good home. But damn am I depressed. I loved that guitar. Of all the guitars I've ever owned, that was my favorite. And now it's gone. And nevermind me not having it now, but I got fucked when I sold it. I know what I wanted, but deep down I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted. It still sucks though, getting what I got.
And I'm not telling anyone what I got, because it's disgusting. But it had to be done.
January 10, 2006 - 8:31pm
Like I needed to offer dating tips. I should be taking notes from my cousin.
I went to Hooter's tonight with some buddies, GBrandt, Rhino, and a couple others. My cousin calls, we'll call him Beefy Cousin. He's not beefy though like I am, but he's my cousin see... anyway...
While he's there, he notices a table with several very attractive girls. I think they're all 16. Beefy Cousin's about 7 years my junior, but still of age. Yet he keeps looking over at them.
Finally as he's leaving he says, "I'm out of here. But I have to stop at this table and talk to some girls." I cheer him on. I didn't think he'd actually do it. Sure enough, he walked right up to them and started talking to them, and then he followed them out.
Not a minute later he calls me on my cell. "They all go to Miami University (OH). I left them at the curb." Classic. He knows better than me about Miami University women. I told him, "They're only good enough for a one night stand." He laughed and we hung up.
I'm so proud of my cousin. Seriously. I had a smile on my face the entire way home. He made me proud. Not because he passed up on the hoochie poontang, but because he showed initiative. He said he was going to do something, and he did it. I'm proud. My cousin is becoming a man. And a damn fine one at that.
January 07, 2006 - 10:10pm
As if you needed me to give you dating tips, here's one anyway. Guys, if you happen to go out on a first date, or maybe even a second, make sure it's not during something that the woman likes.
I know that may sound odd, but hear me out. I took a lady out that I met at work, and we had a great time. But I realized while on this date that it could've turned out bad for me very early on. And this is the info I pass on to you.
We went out to a sports bar to watch the Redskins/Buccaneers playoff game. Late in the game the Bucs acted like they were going to win, and my date started to get upset, because she's from DC and a big Redskins fan. That's when I figured it out. If the Redskins would've lost, she would've been pissed and that would've been bad for me. But since they won, she wasn't pissed, and the date went well. But I knew what could've happened, and I'm glad it was diverted. Don't let that happen to you.
I know for guys it's cool to find a woman that's into sports that you're into, let alone into sports at all, but watch yourself on this. And women, if you happen to go on a date with a man, just make sure if you're going to a sports bar, that one of his favorite teams isn't playing. Otherwise, you might not be able to deny sex to him later, because if his team loses, he might not try to get any from you.
January 05, 2006 - 2:04pm
I was told last week by my boss that I could have tomorrow, a Friday, off because I worked X-mas and New Years Eve. Well, I worked the monday's following the holidays, but those were days the company took off. And again, I had to work. You see, everyone in my company gets holidays off with pay, except for me. I'm literally the only full time employee that has to work on holidays, and I mean EVERY holiday. The only people that work besides me are part time people. And back when I was part time, yeah, I worked every holiday. So basically, of all my time in this company, I've never gotten a holiday off.
So last week my boss comes up to me and says she's giving me a day off this week because of it. One day hardly equals all of the holidays I've worked, but it's still better than nothing. I picked tomorrow, and she said that was fine.
Today, the guy that replaces me comes in and says he won't be able to cover my shift tomorrow. I didn't even know he was the one that was going to cover it. I say that's fine. My boss calls me and tells me the same thing. Apparently, she called him and asked him to do it TODAY, instead of last week when the whole thing went down originally. So, in typical fashion, my boss totally fucks me. She says I can have monday off, and that's fine too, but I was hoping to have tomorrow off.
In any case, I guess bitching about it is pointless since I am still getting a day off, but if she actually did something when she was supposed to do it, none of this or any of the other shit she causes would've happened.
January 03, 2006 - 2:35pm
The first blog entry of 2006, and it's nothing spectacular. Yes, I'm still sick, although I am getting better. Thanks for all the emails. I'm not dying though, so don't bother me. Unless I need a liver, I'll be fine.
Anyway, there's a new Editorial up, and there's a new Classic Download up. Check out both.
December 31, 2005 - 6:26pm
Well well well... the biggest party night of the year for many people, and I'm fucking sick. That's right, sick. No partying for me tonight. No drinking, no smoking, no hitting on drunk women at some bad party and getting rejected so much that it becomes a hobby... nothing. I get to sit at home in my misery, watch bad tv until I fall asleep, and wake up with dried up drool and snot all over my face feeling worse than I did today. Amazing.
What's even more amazing, I went out last night with my dad to go drinking and have a good time, and we had a great time. I felt like my throat might've been getting sore, but nothing too bad. I was fine yesterday. Now I'm feeling like I walked the Arctic tundra with nothing but shorts and a t-shirt on, fucking sick.
In any case, happy new year to all you people out there that will actually get to celebrate it, and an even bigger happy new year to all of you that can't celebrate it because of some bullshit reason. Getting sick, have to work, watching the kids, whatever. I hope you enjoy it a little more than I will.
Here's to next year.
December 16, 2005 - 10:46pm
Did Beefy just get served? Hell no, he did the servin'. Check out this page I made of my dispute with a "major" corporation over my website stats. Beefy Stands Up For The Little Man
December 13, 2005 - 1:15pm
You know what really sucks? Being sick. Sometimes being sick is good for something, and the only thing that I got from being sick this time is getting off of work for a day. However, that doesn't compare to what I lost. Last night was my company's xmas party, and there was an open bar. I've NEVER passed up on an open bar. I had to last night though, because I was ready to hurl at any moment and my #2's were looking like #1's. There was even this guy I work with that was calling me a pussy because I wasn't drinking. I had enough. I told my boss I wasn't coming in today and I left the party. So now I sit at home, feeling like shit and making much needed website updates.
The one thing I can say is, "thank you" to Comedy Central for entertaining me while I'm sick. Without them I wouldn't have seen the countless hours of Mad TV that they constantly run. There must be a shortage of funny shows.
Anyway, I'd rather be in bed nursing myself back to health, but I'll be damned if I have to watch another episode of Mad TV. So, website updating it is.
December 6, 2005 - 8:18am
I have a great new holiday story coming up in the Editorials called "A Beefy Carol" and it'll be coming very soon. I'm just putting the finishing touches on it now. It's soon to be a new holiday tradition.
Also, for the new year I plan on redoing the site. Nothing too major, it'll still look like it does, but there'll be some tiny changes that'll take place site-wide.
December 2, 2005 - 10:21am
It would seem that my forum is being retarded now. Proboards, whom I got my forum thru, is a little goofy at times. You'd think that with millions of forums, they'd have their shit together by now. So, my forum isn't available. At least as of this post it hasn't been all morning. It may change and be available again, or it could be that Proboards isn't happy with the content on my forum and they're deleting it totally. If that's the case, then I'll have my very own forum up and running in no time and there'll be no rules on it but my own. I'd almost prefer to have it go that way anyway.
QUICK UPDATE: I just checked Proboards' site and it shows that all of their 80 servers are online and fine, except for the one that my forum is on. That's the problem. As soon as their server is back up and running, so will my forum.
ANOTHER QUICK UPDATE: The forum is back up and running.
November 29, 2005 - 2:06pm
The Beefy Radio has been down for quite some time and I think it's about time I said something about it.
The radio crashed because my computer is a piece of shit. However, there's a plan that is going to get my new computer up and running very soon and the radio will live on. Which of course means there will be all new Beefy And Pork's Butcher Shop's.
We've recieved, surprisingly, a lot of email from people wondering where it went and when it was coming back on. So I figured I'm not going to respond to all of these because I have better things to do in my life like watch Girls Gone Wild. I'll just post something on the blog.
The radio should be back up and running full blast in the near future. But right now there's no telling how long it'll be, just know that it will be.
Or something.
November 24, 2005 - 12:30pm
If you're the type of person that likes the fact that on this day every year in the United States millions of people eat turkey's that were horribly and wrongly killed so that we may feast on their meat, then I have to say this. I'm that type of person. Happy Thanksgiving.
And for your Thanksgiving treat, I have an all new Classic Download that you will enjoy. Go check it out.
November 16, 2005 - 1:35pm
I've just added this great news story that I found. The story itself sucked because of what happened, but it's ironic... just check it out, you'll see why.
Also coming soon, maybe, will be a pictures section containing all of the pictures that can be found on this site.
November 7, 2005 - 8:05pm
Maddox isn't updating his site anymore, so he decided to put up submitted drawings. You can see his current drawings by going to his site.
However, I drew one and I'll put it here since he more than likely won't put it on his site. Why? Well, we've never really gotten along. I mean, he's this HUGE celebrity and I'm a nobody, "end sarcasm". So anyway, here's the picture I drew for his site. It's horrible on purpose, but then again you should know me, so you'd already expect that.
This opens up in a new window. So click on it to see the whole thing.
October 28, 2005 - 6:33pm
I just had the pleasure of taking a friend of mine, one that I've mentioned many times in the blog entries and in some Editorials, to get his balls snipped.
We went out for lunch, didn't drink at all because he didn't want his balls to continue bleeding... and I can't say I blame him.
He was in the office for about a half hour and when he was done he had gotten his balls snipped. Good for him, he won't be producing any more offspring. This world is now rid of a possible couple other kids.
But the best part is when we left. The drugs they gave him started to kick in and he started talking loopiness. We pulled up to a red light and there's a fish restaurant right up the road and he asked me if I had ever been there. This is almost exactly how the conversation went.
Me: Yeah, I was there several years ago. They got those huge fuckin fish lo...
Him: The Fish Logs! I love 'em! I always get those with chicken livers. That's all I have there, it's great.
Me: That's fucking sick. Chicken livers make me nautious. Just smelling them cooking can make me hurl.
Him: What would you do if there was a nuclear holocaust and you were the only person left alive and all you had to eat was chicken livers?
Me: How would that even work?
Him: They could make a movie about it. You as the only survivor and eating chicken livers.
Me: That's the most retarded shit I've ever heard in my life.
That's where I was corrected. Because then he said this in his drugged up loopiness.
Him: You'll be walking around from town to town looking for other survivors. And in each town the only thing you'll find is a bag of KFC chicken livers. And that's all you'll have to eat. And then you'll find out later that when you shit, you'll shit chickens. And those chickens will walk around shitting. And everywhere they shit, plants and trees will grow. So by that happening, it'll be up to you to restart the world's population. You'll be like, fuckin.... Adam.
I couldn't help but laugh. I'm supposed to shit out chickens because I ate chicken livers, and the chickens will shit out plants. This man needs help. So I asked him if I could have some of his pills, because they were obviously good.
Denied.
October 23, 2005 - 11:06pm
I went out this past Friday with Tamara and my band's new drummer for his 21st birthday and got totally trashed. We listened to his dad's band, Dakota, and they kicked assholes. They play old school country up to current country, and classic rock. They were the shit.
So all night I'm drinking heavily because I had to drive and I was a good half hour from my place. And it was raining all night, so the road's were slick as hell. Anyway...
Have you ever heard of a "beer volcano"? It may be called something else somewhere else, and I'm actually making that up now, so who knows. But that's where you're drinking a bottle of beer and someone else, or even yourself, slams something on top of your bottle and if you have at least a half a bottle of beer left it'll foam up and out of the bottle all over the place if you don't suck it down fast. It's a good way to get drunk fast.
I had no idea what this was, as I'm usually just drinking and not trying neat tricks with my beer other than trying to make it disappear as fast as possible. So after the first time, I got it down and my drummer's mom was making me do this constantly. Eventually she breaks off part of the tip of my bottle and the beer started coming up and out. I had no choice but to drink. So I held the tip a little away from my mouth and sucked it down. The only problem was, there were still pieces of glass in the beer, and honest to a powerful being in the sky, I was picking glass out of my teeth and mouth for the rest of the fucking night. I even felt a sharp pain in my stomach at one point, but of course I did nothing but drink more to kill the pain.
So that's my story. If you're ever in the Cincinnati area and want to hear a good live band, check out Dakota, no matter if you're a country fan or not. They're a fun bunch of guys to be around. Tamara hates country but she loved these guys.
And while they're on a break, see if you can get them to tell you some stories. All I did that night was drink and laugh. The stories are fucking nuts.
That's my "eventful" weekend. I didn't die, yet. But passing the glass was a "pain in the ass".
October 21, 2005 - 6:27am
Yeah, there's two "Update"'s there. My computer crashed like a mofo. So, the updates may be few and far between now. At least until I can get a new computer, which may be in a week or a year. In any case, the updates will come, just not as much as they were.
Which leads me to my next point. Check out the new mailing lists. That will be the best way for you to know when an update happens. If you join the list that's on the main page, you'll get random emails that mean nothing. If I feel like sending out just a blurt of nothingness, that's what you'll get. You might even get a site update email too on that one, you never know...
The other one you can join is on the Editorial main page, and that's the one you want to sign up to if you want to know when a new Editorial is written. So go sign up for both now, before everyone else does and once again you're lagging behind everyone.
October 16, 2005 - 12:53am
So I won the lottery. I can't believe it. I bought my tickets like I normally do, but I had this great feeling about these tickets. I had a feeling like my ship has come in. Ladies and gents, I'm here to tell you that it has. I am the current $300 Million Lottery winner.
So I started thinking... what am I going to do with my money? First, I'm going to quit both jobs. I've talked to so many people that say they would still work. Fuck that, I quit. I'm never working again, ever.
Second, I'm buying a mansion in the Bahamas. I seen one for $4.3 Million. Cool.
Third, I'm traveling the world... to try all the exotic beer I can.
Fourth, I'm going to fly on Hooter's Airlines just to say I did. I mean, c'mon. Hooter's stewardesses... and Hooter's food... the plane could crash and I'd be the happiest man alive. Bring it on.
Fifth, I'd go on a month long drinking binge just to get it out of my system... or to prolong my alcoholism, I haven't figured out which.
The only problem is, I'm just a lousy $3 winner. It's nice to dream though.
October 7, 2005 - 8:30am
New shirts have been designed, so go order them now. The Beefy Store hasn't been updated yet with the info, but it will be shortly. Anyway, go check the new shirts out, click here.
October 5, 2005 - 10:20am
So I went to give blood yesterday and it was interesting. The guy that I thought was the Tourettes Guy, was not him. But I freaked him out anyway. Not on purpose of course.
He stuck my arm with the needle and turned to get some tape to keep it in and the needle shot out of my arm and blood started squirting everywhere. It was awesome. I was laughing the enitre time. He had blood all over him.
And then he took my blood, which I gave two pints, and I was very lightheaded when it was over. I think I lost a half a pint when it was squirting everywhere.
The amazing thing is, Pork went with me and was sitting right next to us, and he didn't see any of it because he was hitting on this one chick that works there. He had no idea what had happened. Amazing.
October 4, 2005 - 1:07pm
No more updates about the radio unless it's absolutely necessary. At least here. If you want to get updates on the radio or just to listen, head to the Radio Page.
New Editorial is up. It's awesome. I don't know if it's worth waiting all this time for it though. Of course it is, what am I thinking?
And I'm about to leave and give blood. Yeah, I'm doing it again. Hopefully this time I'll pass out and I'll have those awesome trippy dreams. I haven't eaten in two days just so I can increase my chances. Plus before I leave I'm downing a beer. I'm really hoping the Tourettes Guy still works there so I can get a picture with him. That would be awesome.
I'll post the update here if anything goes wrong, which I'm sure it will. I've planned too hard for nothing to go wrong.
September 27, 2005 - 8:04am
Week 3's Beefy And Pork's Butcher Shop is now on Beefy Radio. Also, a big addition to the Radio page is coming very soon!
The USAToday.com headlines are gone. They are changing their service and quite frankly I don't think I want to do the work to keep something on here that almost nobody used. So, it's gone. If you need the news, go to CNN.com.
And soon there will be another Editorial! Keep checking back!
September 18, 2005 - 8:45pm
The new edition of Beefy And Pork's Butcher Shop is on the air. Tune in now. And also, the new shows of Beefy And Pork's Butcher Shop should be on every sunday night unless otherwise noted, not monday.
And the Beefy Radio site will have a lot of shit added to it soon, so keep checking back for that.
September 13, 2005 - 1:49am
Beefy Radio is up and running and the first ever Beefy And Pork's Butcher Shop is on the air. If you haven't heard it, tune in and have a listen. If the show isn't on, then listen for a few and you'll hear it. There's about a half hour of time between each show. And of course you can hear an all new show next monday. Tune in. Your computer must be Java enabled to listen right off of the site. From the radio page you can download the players to listen whenever without being on the site.
Also, there's only TWO copies of Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter left in the Beefy Shop, so go get yours now! Beefy Store.
New Editorials are coming very soon.
September 9, 2005 - 11:15pm
The Beefy Radio Station is now up and running. There isn't much being played because I just got it up to test it out and I only put a couple of things on there so you can listen to something. This weekend there will be a lot more stuff on it when I have time to work on it, and the first ever Beefy and Pork's Butcher Shop Show will be coming monday hopefully. So go tune in and enjoy! Feedback would be appreciated.
September 5, 2005 - 6:18am
I was informed on the forum about a cool ass village in Austria named Fucking. No shit. It's the Village of Fucking, or the Fucking Village. In any case, the story is on Yahoo, but I mirrored it in case they decide to take it down. None of the links work obviously, but you can read the story. Fucking Village
September 1, 2005 - 3:58pm
I've been tossing around the idea of having my own radio show on my site for a while. I do have experience with running an internet radio and I haven't done it in a while and I kind of miss it. That and I work in radio, so I got that going for me as well.
So right now it's in the beginning stages, but I could have the first show on as early as next week. And the current title of the show is "Beefy And Pork's Slaughterhouse" or some bullshit like that. Pork's going to co-host it with me as much as he can, and the show will be a half hour long to start. We'll have a new show every week and you can hear the previous shows during the week running in "syndication" while waiting for the new show. I'll also have various other things for you to listen to in between the "reruns" so it won't get too over played.
Even though after a week of running "reruns" it's bound to get over played. In any case, it'll be interesting shit, so keep your eyes and ears open.
By the way, there'll be a thing on here so you can listen without opening a player. Of course if you use a player it'll be better sound, but you'll be able to listen directly from the site.
August 31, 2005 - 8:30am
I brought my laptop to work today so I could work on the site. I "accidentally" watched Super Troopers instead of working on the site.
Yeah, I watched Super Troopers while at work. How great is that? I know, I have no reason to ever bitch about my job.
Update coming soon.
August 27, 2005 - 1:52pm
I just got an email from Tom, the guy that runs PoeticGarbage.com, and he was basically explaining to me why he did the page on how to rip off Maddox's website. The bigger fans of this site (all 3 of you) may remember me saying I wanted to punch this guy in the face for showing people how to rip off someone's website found here. He then called me a moron. It isn't the first time, and it most undoubtedly won't be the last.
I wrote him back explaining that I actually like his site, which I do, and that I was drunk when writing that. Go figure. This particular blog entry is apart of the 10% of the site that I do while not drunk. This site is basically built on alcohol.
So I told him the truth. I was drunk when I wrote it. I hope he continues to update his site and I hope him the best on it. And I strongly recommend all of you to visit his site and take a look around. If you like this site, you'll definately like his site. My particular favorite article he wrote is Are You Too Unoriginal To Come Up With a Decent Name For a Movie?. I couldn't agree more. Hollywood sucks.
Maybe sometime in the future Tom and I can hang out and blast on people who piss us off, which seems to be everyone. I can appreciate that in a person. Tom, my hat's off to you. I apologize for that article, which I don't do very much if at all, and I hope all is well. You and your site are ok in my book, for whatever that's worth.
August 23, 2005 - 7:55pm
True story. I'm about to leave my Grandmother's house and she's walking down the driveway towards me. She gets to my gas sucking SUV and she's looking at the back passenger side and she stops. She then looks at the back of it, then again at the side. She looks at me with this confused look and she says, "Where do you put the gas?"
"In the gas tank" I replied.
"But where do you get it?"
"At the gas station."
She gets all pissed at me for being a smartass and she asks, "How do you put it in your tank?"
"I pull up to the pump and I put the nozzle in the hole and I pump the gas."
And then she finally has it with my shitty answers and she says, "Where's the hole?"
I pointed to the back driver's side and she looks at her car confusedly, and then back at me and she says, "So when you get gas, do you pull the hose around the back before you pump it?"
I laughed and said, "No, I just pull this side up to the pump."
After what seemed like forever she turns and says, "DAMN."
Usually it's the reaction of her finally figuring out the simplest of things that's funnier than her actual dumb ass questions.
August 22, 2005 - 7:01am
A couple days ago I was getting a traffic report from the local traffic guy that I talk to every morning and he told me of a semi that flipped over on the highway and closed down that part. It wound up being closed for almost a week because of it.
At the same time though, 3 or 4 other cars on different parts of that highway and other highways flipped over on their tops. We joked about how stupid people are as he shares my hate for everyone, and we talked about what parts of the highway didn't have idiots that flipped over on it so that I could go flip my gas sucking SUV over just to fill up areas that weren't hit by morons yet.
A couple hours later I hear a bunch of people in my office talking loudly of an accident so I looked out of a window and right outside my building was a car that was flipped over on its top. Must've been a good day for idiots on the road.
August 20, 2005 - 5:30pm
The Beefy Store is now up and running, and the THREE copies of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter are NOW AVAILABLE! Get one if you can! Beefy Store
August 18, 2005 - 6:36am
I have so much to tell that I forgot it all. That's messed up.
The one thing I can guarantee... I have a new part of the site I'm working on. It won't be much at all, but you will need to go to it to buy Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. I got ahold of THREE copies of the movie and I will be selling those THREE copies here for just $15 a piece.
They would've only been $10, but I got fucked on S/H, so I have to charge $15. I'm still not making any money on it. To break even I'd have to charge $18 a piece and I'm not going to do that. I REALLY got screwed on S/H.
So anyway, the new section is going to be a Beefy Shop, but the only actual thing you'll be able to buy there is that movie, and it should go fast. I've already got emails from people who want to get it. So it'll be first come first serve. If you get your cash in now, then you're guaranteed the movie, and I'll send it out as soon as I get it. The other two things that will be there in the shop are just links to my products over at M & R Graphix.
August 12, 2005 -12:00am
I just posted a new Editorial about the greatest movie ever. Check it out. Also keep in mind, I'll more than likely have this movie for sale on this site soon, so you will have easy access to the movie. Sure you can get it elsewhere, but you'll get it the cheapest on my site for sure.
UPDATE: I now have my own shirt for sale! It's great, check it out! I told you that I would have a shirt for sale on my new favorite shop's website, M & R Graphix, and now I do!
To order this for just $17.99 and other great products, click here!
August 09, 2005 -10:04pm
Today I got my order from M & R Graphix and it's the shit. I got two shirts, the "A push in the right direction" and "Gone Fishin'" t-shirts (if you wanna be like me) and they are top quality. And I wore one today and I can't tell you how many people would stare at my shirt, noticing me over everyone else, which is usually what happens anyway. So I'd suggest buying a shirt now from them. Just click the link and tell them Beefy sent you.
Second, I'm on vacation, hence the lack of good updates or a new Editorial. I tell you now that there's one on the way, so stop bitching.
That's it. If you want to meet up with the Beefynator, then head to Columbus, OH this Friday and you might just run into me. I'll be everywhere, from what I hear.
August 08, 2005 -10:56am
The Drunkening 2 was great. I got trashed and so did Pork Sausage. And since that was the point, it was a success.
There's audio and some pictures of it. They're both on the forum in the General Board, and the audio is going to be here as a Classic Download. You'll only be able to see the pictures (and yes there are pictures of me so you can finally see the Beefster) on the Forum.
August 07, 2005 -1:41pm
First, the Drunkening 2 is happening tonight. I know it's not a good warning, but shit happens. Anyway, you can head to the forum and go to the General Board for updates to the events of tonight. You can also find more on it there.
The site is going to go under a huge change. You probably won't notice anything, but basically all I'll be doing is changing all of the "users online" to the new one I added. That means I have to add it individually to each page I have it on now. That's quite a job, but I'm on vacation all this week, so I'll have time to do it.
Also, I'm changing my contact info. Yahoo mail sucks. Gmail rocks. So, my new email address is beefybooyawn@gmail.com. So use that from now on, as the yahoo account is gone.
That's it until tomorrow probably, as I have to prepare for The Drunkening 2. Join us won't you?
August 05, 2005 -10:33am
So I didn't go meet Bruce and there were two simple reasons for it.
One, by the time it got to be when I should leave to get there, I was extremely tired and didn't feel like moving, and two, the part of town he was going to be in sucks, and I'm not too familiar with it, but during rush hour it's more than a bitch, so I decided to save myself the stress and not go. Plus, the rush hour wasn't worth it to see Bruce Campbell for a few seconds just to get right back out in the traffic.
One day he'll be back and I'll be stupid enough to get into the traffic and go.
August 03, 2005 - 6:49am
So tonight I get to meet Bruce Campbell of the Evil Dead fame. You can go to my Editorials and hit up the Movie Reviews and read my review of the last Evil Dead game to come out. Well, that guy you see in the pictures is the video game version of Bruce Campbell, for those of you who don't know who he is, which sadly I'm sure that's a lot of you. In any case, I get to meet him and it's a huge thrill to me because the man is awesome. He's a living legend.
But aside from that, I was telling the guy that calls me every half hour in the mornings to give me a traffic report for the morning show I run, and he said he couldn't make it tonight but he would love to because he loved Brisco County, Jr. That shocked the shit out of me because I was a huge fan of that show and I just totally forgot that it was him who was in it. When explaining to people who Bruce was I forgot to say that he was in that show. Plus, not many people remember that show anyway, so for him to say it was a shocker just in and of itself.
I'll keep an update here tonight after I get to meet him, plus maybe a picture if he'll agree to take a picture with the fans who come to see him. I'm sure he will, after all, he's awesome. And so am I... see how that works?
Also, I've added a new counter that shows how many people are online. It's nice, but for some reason it's only popping up on certain pages and not all pages, so I'll try to fix it. Otherwise, it's just a luxury type thing, so if it doesn't work the site won't be destroyed by it. No big deal.
July 29, 2005 - 7:07pm
I just updated the new Flash so that you can click on the answers better. And if you haven't seen it, take a look... remember, it's for mature audiences only. And if you're not mature, then I'll turn away now so you can go watch.
July 28, 2005 - 2:49pm
This is pretty interesting, at least to me. And now you since I'm sharing and you're reading.
Page views per day: Over 630
Unique users per day: Over 120
And where is it y'all are going when you get here? The Toons, Games, Classic Downloads, and the Body Paint.
Very cool. Thanks to all of the visitors of the site. I'm glad y'all like it!
In other news, I just got a shirt from M & R Graphix - Keep Smilin' and I must say, it's quality. They got a lot of funny shit over there, so if you haven't checked them out yet, I'd strongly suggest you do. And the prices aren't that bad either. Plus, they told me they were going to sell a shirt for me, so as soon as I come up with something I'll put it here. Then you can have your very own Beefy's House o' Fun! t-shirt. You know it'll kick ass.
And I'll be very busy for the next few, so if no updates happen, that's why. So don't bitch at me about it.
I do have a new toon in the works. Since I put out that last one that everyone seems to love, I remembered what it was like to do a toon and put a completed one out for the masses to enjoy. So, I've decided to get to work on another one, and it's FINALLY a follow up to the first Janus toon. It should be pretty good and off the wall. Pork Sausage is helping me with it... so expect that soon hopefully.
Oh yeah, one more thing. I've gotten a lot of email from people bitching and moaning about certain things I say in my Editorials. So instead of writing all of them back individually, or even coming up with a bullshit response that can be addressed to all, I decided to go ahead and give you all who bitched at me about my content the warmest and most sincere response I could think of right here.
July 27, 2005 - 10:36am
The Flash is now on Newgrounds and of the three I have on Newgrounds it's the highest ranked! Thanks to all of the Newgrounds folks who made it possible!
Also, because of the "success" of this Flash, this website recieved a huge boost in traffic yesterday and last night. I put that Flash on Newgrounds at around 4:30pm yesterday, and this morning at around 5:30am I had recieved just over 1400 hits on this site! Thanks to all of you who stopped by to check it out, and I do hope something struck your interest and maybe you'll be back.
What's amazing to me is, of the three toons I did, this one is the one I spent the least amount of time on. The others took me weeks to complete because of lack of time or whatever, and this one took me all of 10 minutes. I guess the naked women helped a lot...
Watch it now here or at Newgrounds... and if you watch it at Newgrounds give me a 5 for it!
Click here to watch it and vote for it at Newgrounds.
Click here to watch it here.
July 26, 2005 - 5:11pm
I just finished a new Flash. It was just for fun, something that wouldn't take me too long, and I had fun with it. I submitted it to Newgrounds and it's still under review as of this blog entry, but the people watching it are giving it shit because they take everything so seriously over there. In any case, just so you know, watch it knowing that it was done just for fun and regardless if it stays on Newgrounds or not, you know it'll be here.
Oh yeah, it's for adults only... or at least people who are mature enough to handle it... or for kids who are on the computer when their parents aren't home....
July 25, 2005 - 9:58am
I was told to tell y'all this story, so I'll put it here. It's not really long or Editorial quality, which says something. But before I get to that I have to say something about last night at Pork's place.
One of Pork's daughters was walking around with her tongue out and she was spitting. You know how babies do it. Anyway, she walked over by me drooling all over the place and I said to her, "STOP DROOLING!" like she could understand me. Then Mrs. Pork, or Mrs. Sausage, whichever, she looks at me and says, "Don't censor her." I laughed very hard. Anyway...
Slutbumwalla is my old hamster. He was the best hamster ever. He belonged to Tamara and I when we had our apartment. We named him that off of an old Eddie Izzard show where Eddie says the name in a bit.
One time we put him in his ball to walk around on the floor with, but as it turned out we accidentally got a ball that wasn't big enough for him to fit into comfortably, so we kind of shoved him in and he couldn't really walk around well in it so Tamara gave him a nudge that shoved him half way across the apartment. I stopped him and opened the hatch and he got out and started puking all over the floor. It was very funny.
Then there was the time I turned him into a pot head. I frequently smoked weed in the apartment, and one night I decided that I wanted a smoking buddy, so I shotgunned Slut. He didn't like it at first, not knowing what to make of it, but eventually he had his nose straight up in the air and he was taking it all in. I watched his eyes close. He turned and headed like a madman to the food dish, where he burried his head for something like 15 minutes. Food particles were flying all over the place. When he got done, he went to his water bottle and drank heavily for another couple minutes, and then ran upstairs to his bed where he slept for a day and a half. Tamara said the next day she thought he was dead, but he started moving so she left him alone.
After that, anytime I'd be smoking, I'd look over at his cage and he'd be grasping the bars of the cage, looking at me, wondering why I wasn't sharing. He always had to get some.
Another fun trick we did while he was running on his wheel... Tamara would stick an ink pen into the cage next to the wheel, and she'd stick it down into the wheel and flip it the opposite way he was running, and he'd flip out of the wheel and across the cage. After the tenth time or so he stopped running. That didn't help out with the munchies... he started getting fat. But I loved him.
When we moved out we gave him to her cousin. I found out about a year ago that her dumbass boyfriend fed Slut to his snake. If I ever meet him I'm going to break his face.
July 24, 2005 - 12:23am
This is great shit here... go check it out! Make sure you read the story before listening to the bit, or you'll be wondering why the hell I put it up there besides my name is mentioned on air in a funny ass bit.
July 21, 2005 - 9:31am
I just found a great site. Actually the link was emailed to me, because the guys that made it love my site and the several sites that are reflected of mine. So because they link to me, I'm going to link to them. And I'd appreciate it if you'd spread the word or even order something. You'll probably like the designs, I think they're funny as hell. Plus insider information tells me that they're going to come out with a more disgusting line soon, so keep a look out for that.
Anyway, go check it out. You'll probably love it. M & R Graphix - Keep Smilin'
July 17, 2005 - 4:01pm
I had to DJ last night and the place was dead. The Pub had a "Pub Crawl" going on, the first ever for them, where they hired a bus service to haul a bunch of drunks around to 5 different bars in 4 hours. So the place was dead, as everyone that's normally there was on the Crawl.
About 11pm, an hour before everyone came back, the place started picking up. A lot of fairly sexy drunk women came in, all about my age, and they were acting like drunken women. You know, stupid.
I was hit on by many of them. It was very nice. Rhino had shown up with his woman, who brought my ex. Great.
Among all of this though, only one thing really sticks out. Before I started to DJ I was sitting at the bar with two friends of mine, a married couple. They were telling me of this benefit some friends of theirs are having for this family that lost a child.
As much as I joke about kids dying and how I hate kids, there is a seriousness to this that I couldn't overlook. Apparently, the woman was 9 months pregnant or so, about a week away from giving birth, and she lost the baby. So she had to give birth to it like normal, only it was already dead. That's got to be fucked up enough. But what these dumbasses did after that, for the benefit, they made up fliers as many do for benefits. They put a picture of the dead baby, wearing a ball cap and I guess some clothes, on the flier.
I wanted so bad to joke about that, but I just couldn't. That's so fucked up beyond compare that I couldn't even make a joke about it. I thought I was fucked up. THAT is fucked up.
July 14, 2005 - 5:49am
My home computer crashed. Virus or something. That's where I kept all of my files for everything, so I'm pretty much fucked. I'll probably take it to get it fixed even though I really don't have the cash for it, but there's no telling if I'll do that anyway, since I have tons of porn on my computer. Oh well, that's only a couple years in jail, right? Hehehehehe...
UPDATE 9:26am - I just added a new Classic Download that you can currently see on numerous websites. I just had to add it though, as I wanted to add it as soon as I seen it on TV.
Also, there's a new Drunkening coming up during the first weekend of August. Celebrate with us, won't you?
July 13, 2005 - 8:38am
I can't believe I forgot to put this down. The same day I was at Pork's and the previous post happened, this also happened.
Right before the last post happened, his former neighbors came over and dropped their 5 year old son off so we could baby sit him until they got back. During his stay with us, Pork was in the kitchen feeding his child and I was in the living room watching the 5 year old.
The 5 year old starts messing with this exorcise ball, which is almost bigger than he is. He puts his hand on top of the ball, and starts running around the ball with his hand on the top center of it the whole time. He then says, "I bet you can't do that."
Without hesitation, I reply with, "No, I could, I just choose not to because it's stupid." Pork laughed for a good 10 minutes on that.
July 10, 2005 - 10:04am
Something funny happened last night that had anyone else seen it I'm sure they would've broken out into serious laughter.
I went to Pork's place and we watched some crappy horror flicks. That's what we do for entertainment. At one point in the night, Pork, Mrs. Pork, and myself were all standing in his kitchen. I was drinking a beer, he was smoking a bowl, and his wife was drinking a protein shake.
That shit is fucking funny.
July 7, 2005 - 8:20am
I felt like I needed to put something new here, so here it is. It really doesn't mean much. But then again, does anything I ever say?
If you haven't checked out my game Cartelz then do so as soon as possible. Also, Pork's been doing a great job keeping his site updated, and he has some great entries coming along, so check that out... Pork Sausage's Kosher Recipes. And there's a guy I work with that is about to start up his own website, and he wants me to work on it for him, so that's what I'll be doing. It's a great idea too. It'll be a site about getting ass, but more importantly, the one night stand. Keep your eyes peeled for that one, and I'll put the announcement here. He's currently doing research for it now... at least that's what he told me.
July 4, 2005 - 11:10am
There's a new, small section here. It's a story that I wrote a few years back. It's all explained there, so check it out. The link for it will be up soon on all of the main pages. Tales From The Streets
I just added a new Classic Download and it's pretty funny shit. Also if you didn't notice, there's a pretty cool equation on the main page that was submitted by a frequent user. The Classic Download was submitted by him as well. Thanks for taking the time to send those in!
June 30, 2005 - 4:30pm
New Classic Download. Yeah, for those of you counting, that's two today. Anyway, this one is a great one. It's not really a download though, it's a website. But it's worth watching. Check it out.
June 30, 2005 - 8:55am
Just added a new Classic Download. It's from www.TourettesGuy.com and it's some funny shit. That dude needs help.
Anyway, I should have a new Editorial up soon. I've been busy with other stuff, but I think I can find some time to write one.
June 26, 2005 - 11:05am
I went golfing and nothing too exciting happened to me. I didn't do too bad and my ankle didn't do so bad either. One guy playing on the team that bet us we couldn't beat them got hit in the balls by a flying golf ball after the first hole, so that was an advantage since he was supposed to be their best player. We beat them by 6 strokes. They bought us beer. Beer is good.
June 24, 2005 - 10:35am
My ankle is getting better by the day, and I can pretty much walk on it now without limping, though there is still some swelling and pain.
The significance of that is, tomorrow is that golf outing I'm participating in, and I'll be drunk by the time we tee off, so that should make for some fun times. Especially when, by about hole 4, I break my ankle and go into shock from the pain and alcohol. I'll keep you posted.
Oh yeah, another Beefy Award winner. Check them out, it's a good site. Exist-tense.com
June 22, 2005 - 6:07am
No they don't have anything to do with each other, except I'm getting them both out at the same time.
Yeah, I'm injured. I went fishing over this past weekend with some friends of mine. Actually it was more just camping, as we didn't do any fishing. Anyway, as I was walking around the lake at 2 in the morning with Funk, I walked across this bridge and on the other side went to step down. Where the ground was supposed to be, was a hole. And I stepped into that hole and sprained the fuck out of my ankle. So I was not mobile for 3 days and I missed two days of work. I'm back at work now, and I never thought I'd say this but I'm actually glad to be back. It gives me something to do.
Just kidding.
My ankle still kind of hurts and it's still swollen, but it'll be fine. It would've been real nice if I could've missed the rest of the week.
As far as the site updates go, I just added a new Editorial and I took down the "Blowing Off Steam" on the main page as it wasn't coming along as expected. I may bring it back in the future, but don't count on it.
June 17, 2005 - 6:27am
Can you believe that shit? I hate Golf. Well, I did. It's not fun to watch, but it is kind of fun to play. Especially when you're on the green and drunk, and driving the golf cart, tearing up the green. I'll be doing that next week.
Up until yesterday I couldn't even make contact with a golfball. I had a hard time Putt-Putting. But yesterday, I proved myself wrong. I cracked the hell out of some golf balls. Mainly because Rhino told me the sooner we get done with all of the golf balls we got, the sooner we get to the Pub. I don't think I missed one after that.
I felt so good when we left that I had to buy some golf gear. I bought a Nike Golf Hat and a Nike Golf Glove.
I'm not a fan of Nike, because Nike stuff is made in sweat shops by 6 year olds in Guam. That and it only costs about 4 dollars to make a pair of shoes, but they sell them for $300. I wish I could have that much of a markup on a product and feel good about myself. But that's the only gear they had, and if I'm going to be playing golf then I at least needed a golf glove, and I've been wanting a new hat. So I bit the bullet and bought the stuff.
One interesting thing did happen while we were there. Rhino, his dad, and myself were all standing down by Rhino's brother who's nothing less than a Sasquatch, and the three of us were smoking because smoking kicks ass. This guy was walking past us to go to another part of the Driving Range and he had his daughter with him who must've been 8 or so. She "coughed" from the time she was in ear shot to when she got just past us, because she was making her "stand". I said, "What a little bitch." The dad wasn't pleased with that so he came after me with one of his golf