Category Archives: Bitching

I bitch a lot.

Renee Zellweger Changed Her Face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How about who gives a shit? Recently, for those of you who really don’t give a fuck and have no idea what happened, Renee Zellweger appeared somewhere looking quite different than how she’s looked up to that point. And the internet completely lost their shit. As if nothing else was going on. As if no celebrity ever had unnecessary plastic surgery. It was as if a whole lot of people had a bet as to what celebrity would never get work done, and Renee was the ringer.

Here she is, beautiful (L) and beautiful (R).

Here she is, beautiful (L) and beautiful (R).

The website/news organization that means absolutely nothing, TMZ, has really enjoyed themselves over this news. Check out these two stories that I unfortunately had to go to their site and sift through tons of bullshit to find…

Renee Zellweger You Look… LIKE SOMEONE ELSE
Hey TMZ, isn’t that the fucking point of plastic surgery for celebrities? They don’t like looking like themselves, so they go under the knife to look like some other them, or someone else. They make millions of dollars by being someone else in their movies and TV shows, they might as well spend that money to become someone else in real life. Although I don’t think there is such a thing in Hollywood as “real life.”
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There Will Be A Tetris Movie

No, this isn’t a joke. I mean, it IS a joke, I’m fucking laughing. But there will seriously be a Tetris movie in the near future. A live action one at that. And by “live action” I mean “99% CGI.”

“Brands are the new stars of Hollywood,” Threshold Entertainment’s Larry Kasanoff says. “We have a story behind ‘Tetris’ which makes it a much more imaginative thing.”

First, brands are the new stars of Hollywood? Sure, if you consider all of the cheap, shameless advertising products get in every film nowadays. Reboots are the new stars, you asshat. In other words, movies from 30 years ago are the new stars.

Second, there better be a story behind the movie, because the game you’re adapting the movie from HAS NO FUCKING STORY. None. There’s no story in place at all. You drop blocks and make solid lines. That’s it. If I ever thought Hollywood had run out of ideas, I was completely wrong, because NOW they’ve fucking run out of ideas.

I’m a writer and I can’t possibly fathom any story that would make sense with Tetris involved unless it was The Wizard 2, or Tetris isn’t the main character or story. There’s no way this is going to be good. I can imagine a movie about something having nothing to do with Tetris or video games in general, and one person walks by an open door and someone is in that room playing the game.
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Betty Dodson Hates Men *UPDATED*

You might be saying, “WHO?” Indeed. Unless you’re a lesbian or very much into feminism, you probably have no fucking clue who this chick is. She runs a blog with Carlin Ross, and apparently the entire site is about women’s orgasms. The tagline to the site is, “Better Orgasms. Better World.” I’m sure that world would be better without men in it, right bitch? The only thing that throws me off is, they have men who write for that site. I can only imagine what they have to say.

I only know about this site because of an article a friend of mine posted on Facebook. I decided to check it out. After all, it’s about women’s orgasms, so naturally I’m interested to see if it can show me anything I don’t know. For the record, it didn’t. The only thing the article told me was, I’m a worthless piece of shit for being a man, especially one without a porn star dick.

The basis for the article is to say it takes a woman 20 to 30 minutes to “warm up” before she’s fully ready to engage in sexual activity. In other words, foreplay. It also talks about how the clit is it, and no matter how you decide to do your sex or have an orgasm, the clit is it. From it, to the G-spot, to vaginal, it’s all clit related. There’s even this, “Once a woman understands she can have both clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, it ends this discussion.” What woman out there doesn’t know they can have both? It’s been a long time since I’ve watched a porn where the clit wasn’t being manipulated during sex, whether by the man or the woman, or the other woman, or the other man, and I can’t tell you the last partner I had where the clit wasn’t played with during sex. So I guess the conversation is over, eh?

No. There is a bunch more, half and half, talking about how to have awesome orgasms, and how much men suck. And it all starts with, “There is no distinction between “vaginal” or “clitoral” or “G spot” orgasms since all orgasms are centered in the clitoris.” Is that right? So all those women out there who PREFER a certain orgasm over another are wrong? They should just take what they get and fucking like it? I know women who seem to have no G-spot. Who can’t get off on it at all. I know others who prefer to have orgasms with the G-spot. Doesn’t matter. There’s no distinction at all.
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In My Head I’m An Asshole

Very often I find myself in situations where I just don’t have it in me to be an outright asshole. That doesn’t stop me from being one in my head though. I try to be nice to people, even if they’re annoying the shit out of me. I try. Because I want people to be nice to me. And if I’m not nice to strangers, then Karma is going to rear her ugly head (I meant beautiful, Karma! Don’t smite me!) and strangers are going to be mean to me.

Tonight I was standing in line at a gas station, waiting to pay for my gas. An old lady got in line behind me and out of the blue asks me if there’s a pay phone anywhere nearby. I thought long and hard about it and couldn’t think of one, even though I’m sure I’ve seen one in that area before. I gave her my best guess and made sure she knew I wasn’t entirely sure, and left it at that.

She then decided to tell me WHY she needed it.

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

Is what I said in my mind. The line I was standing in wasn’t moving, so I had nothing else to do but listen to her blabber on and on about shit I didn’t care about. But at the same time, the line wasn’t moving. I didn’t have a quick exit.

So on and on she went. I had to find out she left in a hurry and forgot her cane, so she felt as if she might fall at any moment. Somehow that turned into how she had broken her toe, or her foot, I’m not sure which because the longer she talked, the more I thought of swallowing a glass full of Ebola just to get out of that conversation.

Somehow that turned into how she fell and broke both of her elbows, and how she had to wear her casts and blah blah blah fucking shut the fuck up blah.

I don’t give a shit. I really don’t. I don’t know her, I don’t know her life, and I don’t care to know about her life. I sure as fuck didn’t ask to hear it.
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Attention, Games Journalists: Mum & Dad are Finally Coming Home, and They are PISSED

beefybooyawn:

I’ve read good articles before, usually I’m the one writing them, but this one is so good it makes me want to rub Rob’s butt. Wait, what?

If you’re a gamer and you’ve been dealing with the bullshit going on lately, this is a piece you don’t want to miss. If you’re not a gamer who hasn’t been dealing with the bullshit going on lately, this is a piece you don’t want to miss.

Originally posted on Still R.O.B.:

h5WqpM1It’s the little things in life that really make you smile, you know?

The above is an e-mail sent by Intel to one of the #GamerGate supporters who have been part of Operation Disrespectful Nod: A co-ordinated campaign to target the advertisers of gaming websites who pushed the original slew of ‘Gamers are Dead’ hit pieces, and have continued to just generally be antagonistic fuckwits in the weeks, following.

People have been e-mailing the advertisers to let them know they’re not particularly thrilled at being called racist, misogynistic white guys when they are often none of those things, and that they cannot in good conscience continue to buy that advertiser’s goods or services so long as they support a publication which perpetuates these stereotypes.

In some circles (i.e. people with access to a dictionary,) this is known as a ‘boycott’, to some journos and seemingly the majority of anti-GG…

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