Category Archives: Bitching

I bitch a lot.

Delivery Tales: Terrible Customers

There’s always going to be the assholes who don’t tip. There’s always going to be those assholes who not only don’t tip, but make finding them, and dealing with them, HELL, before not tipping. But then there are those customers on a whole other level, that makes the regular stiffer not so bad.

Back when I first started delivering, I didn’t know then what I know now and I would have dealt with these customers differently. But, it’s all a part of the learning curve.

The first one I remember, and will always remember, was to a barber school. They had placed a big order for lunch and I got to take it. They were already known as stiffers, so I didn’t expect to get a tip. But unfortunately for me, the company I worked for at the time had itemized order slips that showed the price for everything ordered, and everyone who ordered paid exactly what they owed. Not only did I not get a tip, but I didn’t get the tax or the delivery fee, and I also didn’t get the money, somehow, for one of the things ordered.

Not that it matters, but the school was made up entirely of black students and teachers. I only bring that up because it seemed to me, at the time and even now, that me being white was a major cause of some of the things they said.
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Editorial Archives: I’m With The Environmentalists


Not only is Bill Burr one of the funniest people on earth right now, he also knows the way to my heart. By killing almost everybody. I’ve been saying it for years and now he’s taking his celebrity status to broadcast the message to the masses more than I can. Thanks Bill, you’re a true stand-up guy. And I’m not just saying that because you’re a stand-up who happens to be a guy.


Don’t mind the bad grammar and what not. This was a long time ago, before I realized how terrible I am at writing. Now I know, but I still do it. And don’t forget to check out Bill’s new stand-up special on Netflix, I’m Sorry You Feel That Way. It will dominate your life.

Originally posted on Beefy's House o' Fun:

I’m With The Environmentalists
July 16, 2006

That’s right, I said it. I’m with them. We need to save the earth. However, I have a different opinion on how to do it than they do. So technically I’m with them, but they’re not with me. Bastard environmentalists.

What got me thinking about it was when I got a free issue of E/The Environmental Magazine. It was then that I first realized how ironically stupid it is for an environmental magazine to be published. Aren’t magazines made out of trees?

What I keep reading about is how the ice caps are going to melt and the coast lines will be in danger in something like 100 years, or some such time frame when the current population on earth will not be around. I then read about all of these ways we can help stop it, or at least slow down…

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Texting And Driving

For the last few years everyone has been going ape shit over texting and driving, but it seems recently they’ve been going even more aper shitter over it. I just watched a terrible video by Salt & Light Productions that is full of lies and complete bullshit aimed at people who text and drive to get them to stop doing it. Here, watch it.

The message should be, don’t do anything stupid while you’re driving, and they shouldn’t be limiting it to one thing. The problems I have with this video (and this entire campaign) starts there. Don’t do distracting things while driving.

Emy was killed when her car blah blah blah. Yeah, that’ll kill you. Maybe you should have learned to fucking drive. Taylor should have, too. They didn’t respect their cars, or the others on the road around them and they got what they had coming to them. Instead, there are people out there who are going to see that and say, “That’s so terrible. If they just weren’t texting…” Listen, if they were bad enough drivers that they would purposefully distract themselves from driving WHILE driving, it was just a matter of time before they were going to die in a terrible crash they caused anyway, regardless of how they caused it.
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Registered Sex Offender Wins Lottery

Slow news day? Nah, the news reports unnecessary shit all the time. Recently reported and trending on Facebook is a story about a registered sex offender in Florida who won a $3 million lottery.

I know you know me well enough by now to know what I really have to say about this, so say it with me.


Very good, class. Now let’s analyze why this is a completely fucking worthless story and how it is in no way news. Taken directly from the source I linked to above.

“At the Florida Lottery headquarters, Timothy Poole, 43, posed for a photo with an oversized check after claiming his $3 million Scratch-Off prize. But when the image hit the Internet, others recognized the 450-pound man as a registered sexual predator.”

People recognized him as a sexual predator! Quick! Arrest this man! Oh wait, he’s a REGISTERED sexual predator. You know, those people have already been identified, so good job at seeing what’s already been seen and pointing it out to others. Don’t let your jealousy of someone who’s not you winning the lottery overcome you. There’s no law against sexual predators winning the lottery, or even playing the lottery. Good for him for winning, move the fuck on.
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Tony Williams Is Not A Saint

If you didn’t see it on TV like I did, you may have at least heard by now about a New Orleans Saints fan, named Tony Williams, who stole a football being given to a woman Bengals fan by one of the Cincinnati Bengals, Jermaine Gresham, after he scored a touchdown.

The whole incident was caught on video as it happened. Jermaine ran to the stands and tossed the touchdown football to a woman who was wearing a Bengals jersey. Since the game was taking place in New Orleans, the Bengals fans stood out, especially the woman wearing the jersey, as she was quite a cutie.

Jermaine tossed the ball to her, but a giant Saints fan sitting right next to where she was standing stood up and snatched the football out of her hands, almost striking her in the face with an elbow. He was twice her size. He immediately sat down and placed the ball under his right arm, while a man sitting next to him, probably a buddy of his, seemed to laugh about the incident, as did a man sitting behind him.

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