I love the internet and blogs. If it weren’t for them I’d be stuck calling businesses who pissed me off and yelling at management until I got free stuff snail mailed to me, like coupons and what not. I used to do that shit all the time back in the day, before I was able to get online. And most of the times I wouldn’t even let them send me shit. I’m not one of those people. All I want is for them to hire competent employees. Is that too much to ask? If you’re getting paid, do the fucking job. I don’t care how terrible the job is. If you’re accepting money for it, do the fucking job.
And let me tell you, customer service isn’t hard to get. Seriously. I fucking hate customer service because customers are idiots most of the time, but I’m fucking excellent at customer service. Because it’s not hard. And it pisses me off that I am considering how much I hate customers. It’s the best job for me and it blows.
Regardless, companies who hire morons need to hear about it. I was once an integral part in the closing of a Taco Bell, because I called not only their store, but their main HQ to complain about their shit. All of it. No matter how little or big. It got to be a game for me. Wanna fuck with my shit? I’m paying you for your service. If you cannot give me the service you were hired to give, uh, fuck you.
So now that I am online, I don’t have to call. No, I just come onto my blog here and bitch away. I find it’s much more soothing. Plus, I get to warn the tens of people who read this where not to go should they find themselves in the area. With that said, here we go.
I swear to whatever holy being you believe in that McDonald’s goes out of their way to hire the worst humans on the planet. Over the years I’ve had their employees, at many different locations, do something to piss me off for really no reason at all other than they’re idiots who value their own lives so little that they have to make everyone else suffer.
I thought I was used to it. I know what to expect at McDonald’s. Nothing good, and a lot of it. A place where their food containers give more of a shit about my experience than the mouth breathing employees they pay to work at their stores.
Recently my wife and I had an issue with one McDonald’s in particular that unfortunately we go to from time to time. We stopped in and ordered a couple of double cheeseburgers. That’s like, some of the simplest things they could make, right? How do you fuck up easy stuff? Leave it to them.
One of my wife’s double cheeseburgers had no meat on it. Someone made it and somehow forgot to put the main fucking ingredient on it. Her second burger had a long hair in it. I guess to make up for the lack of meat in the first one.
She called to complain and was told we should go see the manager when she got off of work and we would be given a free breakfast. More product. Fuck giving our money back, right? We were told to see the manager, Connie, and she would hook us up.
When we got there we asked to see the manager, Connie. It turned out to be an older woman who I’ve dealt with many times, and she’s always a delight to deal with, in the way an Imperial Siege Tank driving slowly back and forth through your ass would be.
Connie helped us, and as per usual it was reluctantly and seemed to be an absolute bother.
Well, this morning I stopped in to get breakfast. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I knew what I was getting into. And hooray for me, she was working. Let me start at the beginning.
I pulled up to the drive-through speaker and placed my order. When I was done I then remembered I wanted a couple of cups of ranch for dipping whatever I had into it. You know, it helps the food go down. So I tacked that onto the order and I saw on the drive-through screen where the girl taking my order had put it on the order, although it only said ranch dipping sauce and the price showed 0.00. I knew that wasn’t right, because they’re 25 cents a piece. I pulled around and paid at the first window, then I pulled up to the second window and discovered Connie there. Yay.
This is a woman who, one night, apologized for the long delay in getting my order to me. Fourteen minutes, actually. She said it was because she had to make fresh fries. Apparently growing the potato was the first step. I would have taken old fries.
After just a moment she finally opens the window with my bag in her hand, hands it to me rather quickly and then starts to close the window before I can even think to say anything. I finally caught her and asked her for some ketchup. Her body language showed me she had a gun to her head all night and my request for ketchup had just helped her decide to pull the trigger. Oh man, I’m sure she wished death upon my unborn children.
When she turned to get the ketchup I searched my bags contents for the ranch and found none. When she opened the window again to hand me the ketchup I then said how I’d like two cups of ranch. She looked away from me and said “I’m going to have to charge you for them.”
No shit. NO FUCKING SHIT. Thank you for telling me, I was unaware that I had to pay for product from a business. Especially one hellbent on making all the money.
I responded with, “Yeah, that’s fine, but I had ordered it and I saw it on the screen back there…” and before I was done saying that she cut me off and said, “Yes, but she didn’t charge you for it.”
Oh? So you saw it on the order. You know I ordered it. You must know I wanted it just by that fact alone. Yet when you handed me the bag you were intent on closing that window and going about your business without saying anything to me about the ranch. You were going to let me leave and go to my destination only to discover what I ordered wasn’t in the bag. Instead of saying, “Hey, I know you wanted ranch but she didn’t charge you for it. If you’d still like the ranch it will cost 25 cents per cup.” She could have even said, “I didn’t put your ranch in there because she didn’t charge you. Would you still like it? It will only be 50 cents.”
The entire problem here isn’t that I didn’t pay for it, it’s that HER EMPLOYEE didn’t charge me for it. She put it on the order. My job at that point was done. Her employee fucked up, not me.
“Yes, but she didn’t charge you for it.”
I responded with, “I understand that but I still want the ranch, that’s why I ordered it. I’ll pay for it.” Holy shit, she emptied the clip. She turned around and got the ranch and when she came back to the window she opened it and handed me the ranch without looking at me. I gave her a dollar bill and sped off. Thank god we went through all of that shit. Now their location won’t close and they can pay their utility bills. And since I paid double for the ranch, maybe they’ll be able to put some away for a rainy day.
I know some people say how you don’t know everybody’s story. You don’t know what made them that way. Maybe they had a horrible life. Maybe they just had a horrible day. Well, I fucking hope so. Let’s not forget she’s apparently a manager. And I don’t care how horrible your life is, don’t take it out on those not responsible for it. I didn’t make your life suck so much that you had to work at a McDonald’s in your old age. Don’t take it out on me.
McDonald’s, I had it with your shit many years ago. I truly don’t want to eat at your stores any more than your employees want to do their jobs or give decent customer service. But you know what? Unfortunately I’ll keep eating at your stores, so unfortunately you’ll have to attempt decent customer service. Lucky for me you have a store on every corner, so I can just pick and choose until I find which ones I’ll suffer at the least.
PS – When your Brentwood, OH location burned down I laughed. And dammit all, you rebuilt that fucker.
PPS – Come to think of it, pretty much every fast food place on that road sucks. Waffle House is your best bet. Seriously.