Category Archives: Food Reviews

I like food.

Taco Bell Breakfast

If you haven’t noticed, in their attempts to keep up with the Johnson’s, Taco Bell recently (and finally) decided they were going to serve breakfast. Because I don’t give a shit what I ingest, I decided to give it a try. After all, Burger King’s breakfast lately has sucked shit and McDonald’s breakfast will never be the same until they bring back the McSkillet burrito. Nobody has really put forth a decent fast food effort into taking breakfast business away from McDonald’s and I’m shocked at this.

Taco Bell’s new line of breakfast food includes coffee. Regular black coffee. Nothing fancy, just coffee. They also have orange juice, or if you prefer, all of the other drinks they normally sell.

As far as the food goes, they have a waffle taco, grilled taco, sausage flat bread, breakfast burrito and a breakfast crunchwrap. To top it off, you can also get a hash brown or their Cinnabon Delights, which are basically little balls of dough with crack inside them.

I first tried their AM Crunchwrap with sausage. It’s made just like their regular crunchwrap, only with breakfast food inside it, egg, cheese, your choice of meat, hash brown (which is what makes it crunchy) and a creamy jalapeno sauce of some kind that helps give it that Taco Bell flavor. Honestly, it’s delicious and I think I’m hooked.

Today I tried their breakfast burrito with sausage. It’s tasty, but it’s lacking something. Now, here is where they basically dropped the ball. For starters, they use a completely different sausage than the patty they use on everything else. It’s a crumbled sausage. While it tastes good, what would be wrong with using the patty stuff? Cut one in half and place both halves inside the burrito length-wise, and you have sausage in every bite. As it is, you get the crumbled sausage (or steak or bacon), a bunch of egg and some cheese inside a burrito. That’s it. No sauce, the stuff from the crunchwrap would do just fine. No salsa, no nothing. Taco Bell is supposed to be Mexican food, which happens to come with salsa on just about everything. Where’s that at, Taco Bell? I’m looking for a great alternative to the McSkillet and once again I haven’t found it. While it’s tasty, it’s not complete, and it’s relatively small.

I haven’t had the Waffle Taco, my wife did, and she said it was tasty but not worth the $2 we spent on it. To be fair, it also didn’t look like the picture they have on the website or on the menu. There were barely any eggs on it. Of course we did stop at one of the worst Taco Bell locations in the country for this particular breakfast, but even still, the crunchwrap I had was still awesome.

I really hope this catches on with people, because the product is good and inexpensive. I’ve already heard complaints that the breakfast food gave someone the shits. Well, it IS Taco Bell. Don’t they do that normally? It hasn’t done that to me, yet, and again, I’m completely hooked on the AM Crunchwrap. And the Cinnabon Delights, those things are like meth infused hookers with crack inside.

If Taco Bell’s breakfast can stay around, I’ll eat it. With my schedule, breakfast time is my dinner time, and I don’t mind eating breakfast for dinner. But I’m also typically on my way home and don’t want to go sit somewhere. Unfortunately, I’m a fast food person, and as I said, there aren’t many good options for fast food breakfast anymore. Taco Bell has a good chance at winning, at least for me, but they need to come up with some other things and improve the stuff they already have. Except the AM Crunchwrap, they hit that one out of the park.

Work At McDonald’s! Get Paid To Be An Asshole!

I love the internet and blogs. If it weren’t for them I’d be stuck calling businesses who pissed me off and yelling at management until I got free stuff snail mailed to me, like coupons and what not. I used to do that shit all the time back in the day, before I was able to get online. And most of the times I wouldn’t even let them send me shit. I’m not one of those people. All I want is for them to hire competent employees. Is that too much to ask? If you’re getting paid, do the fucking job. I don’t care how terrible the job is. If you’re accepting money for it, do the fucking job.

And let me tell you, customer service isn’t hard to get. Seriously. I fucking hate customer service because customers are idiots most of the time, but I’m fucking excellent at customer service. Because it’s not hard. And it pisses me off that I am considering how much I hate customers. It’s the best job for me and it blows.

Regardless, companies who hire morons need to hear about it. I was once an integral part in the closing of a Taco Bell, because I called not only their store, but their main HQ to complain about their shit. All of it. No matter how little or big. It got to be a game for me. Wanna fuck with my shit? I’m paying you for your service. If you cannot give me the service you were hired to give, uh, fuck you.

So now that I am online, I don’t have to call. No, I just come onto my blog here and bitch away. I find it’s much more soothing. Plus, I get to warn the tens of people who read this where not to go should they find themselves in the area. With that said, here we go.

I swear to whatever holy being you believe in that McDonald’s goes out of their way to hire the worst humans on the planet. Over the years I’ve had their employees, at many different locations, do something to piss me off for really no reason at all other than they’re idiots who value their own lives so little that they have to make everyone else suffer.

I thought I was used to it. I know what to expect at McDonald’s. Nothing good, and a lot of it. A place where their food containers give more of a shit about my experience than the mouth breathing employees they pay to work at their stores.

Recently my wife and I had an issue with one McDonald’s in particular that unfortunately we go to from time to time. We stopped in and ordered a couple of double cheeseburgers. That’s like, some of the simplest things they could make, right? How do you fuck up easy stuff? Leave it to them.

One of my wife’s double cheeseburgers had no meat on it. Someone made it and somehow forgot to put the main fucking ingredient on it. Her second burger had a long hair in it. I guess to make up for the lack of meat in the first one.

She called to complain and was told we should go see the manager when she got off of work and we would be given a free breakfast. More product. Fuck giving our money back, right? We were told to see the manager, Connie, and she would hook us up.

When we got there we asked to see the manager, Connie. It turned out to be an older woman who I’ve dealt with many times, and she’s always a delight to deal with, in the way an Imperial Siege Tank driving slowly back and forth through your ass would be.

Don't tense up. That'll only make it worse. starwars.wikia.com

Don’t tense up. That’ll only make it worse. starwars.wikia.com

Connie helped us, and as per usual it was reluctantly and seemed to be an absolute bother.

Well, this morning I stopped in to get breakfast. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I knew what I was getting into. And hooray for me, she was working. Let me start at the beginning.

I pulled up to the drive-through speaker and placed my order. When I was done I then remembered I wanted a couple of cups of ranch for dipping whatever I had into it. You know, it helps the food go down. So I tacked that onto the order and I saw on the drive-through screen where the girl taking my order had put it on the order, although it only said ranch dipping sauce and the price showed 0.00. I knew that wasn’t right, because they’re 25 cents a piece. I pulled around and paid at the first window, then I pulled up to the second window and discovered Connie there. Yay.

This is a woman who, one night, apologized for the long delay in getting my order to me. Fourteen minutes, actually. She said it was because she had to make fresh fries. Apparently growing the potato was the first step. I would have taken old fries.

After just a moment she finally opens the window with my bag in her hand, hands it to me rather quickly and then starts to close the window before I can even think to say anything. I finally caught her and asked her for some ketchup. Her body language showed me she had a gun to her head all night and my request for ketchup had just helped her decide to pull the trigger. Oh man, I’m sure she wished death upon my unborn children.

When she turned to get the ketchup I searched my bags contents for the ranch and found none. When she opened the window again to hand me the ketchup I then said how I’d like two cups of ranch. She looked away from me and said “I’m going to have to charge you for them.”

No shit. NO FUCKING SHIT. Thank you for telling me, I was unaware that I had to pay for product from a business. Especially one hellbent on making all the money.

I responded with, “Yeah, that’s fine, but I had ordered it and I saw it on the screen back there…” and before I was done saying that she cut me off and said, “Yes, but she didn’t charge you for it.”

Oh? So you saw it on the order. You know I ordered it. You must know I wanted it just by that fact alone. Yet when you handed me the bag you were intent on closing that window and going about your business without saying anything to me about the ranch. You were going to let me leave and go to my destination only to discover what I ordered wasn’t in the bag. Instead of saying, “Hey, I know you wanted ranch but she didn’t charge you for it. If you’d still like the ranch it will cost 25 cents per cup.” She could have even said, “I didn’t put your ranch in there because she didn’t charge you. Would you still like it? It will only be 50 cents.”

The entire problem here isn’t that I didn’t pay for it, it’s that HER EMPLOYEE didn’t charge me for it. She put it on the order. My job at that point was done. Her employee fucked up, not me.

“Yes, but she didn’t charge you for it.”

I responded with, “I understand that but I still want the ranch, that’s why I ordered it. I’ll pay for it.” Holy shit, she emptied the clip. She turned around and got the ranch and when she came back to the window she opened it and handed me the ranch without looking at me. I gave her a dollar bill and sped off. Thank god we went through all of that shit. Now their location won’t close and they can pay their utility bills. And since I paid double for the ranch, maybe they’ll be able to put some away for a rainy day.

I know some people say how you don’t know everybody’s story. You don’t know what made them that way. Maybe they had a horrible life. Maybe they just had a horrible day. Well, I fucking hope so. Let’s not forget she’s apparently a manager. And I don’t care how horrible your life is, don’t take it out on those not responsible for it. I didn’t make your life suck so much that you had to work at a McDonald’s in your old age. Don’t take it out on me.

McDonald’s, I had it with your shit many years ago. I truly don’t want to eat at your stores any more than your employees want to do their jobs or give decent customer service. But you know what? Unfortunately I’ll keep eating at your stores, so unfortunately you’ll have to attempt decent customer service. Lucky for me you have a store on every corner, so I can just pick and choose until I find which ones I’ll suffer at the least.

PS – When your Brentwood, OH location burned down I laughed. And dammit all, you rebuilt that fucker.

PPS – Come to think of it, pretty much every fast food place on that road sucks. Waffle House is your best bet. Seriously.

Wendy’s Is A Pile Of Shit

I know fast food isn’t good for anybody. It is what it is, cheap(ish) food fast(ish). I’ve had problems with every kind of fast food place, especially around here, from Burger King to McDonald’s to Taco Bell. Well, let’s add another to the list. Wendy’s (as if you couldn’t tell from the name of this blog) is a heaping pile of flaming shit.

We have one location very near our house, at 8240 Vine Street in Hartwell, Cincinnati, OH. Like, I could walk there in five minutes. If there wasn’t a grocery store at the end of my street, I could see the Wendy’s from my porch. My wife and I spend a lot of money there, because they’re right there and open late. Since we both work third shift, they’re one of few places open where we can grab a quick bite to eat before work. We could go to White Castle or Taco Bell or McDonald’s, but fuck those places. Well, fuck Wendy’s, too.

I don’t know where we’re going to get food from now, if anywhere. Maybe this is a sign that we should stop eating fast food all together and start packing our own food.

Here’s what happened. For starters, this particular Wendy’s has a history of sucking. I’ve been going to it my entire life. Before my wife and I lived in this house my grandmother did, so if I was going to visit her with my mom, sometimes we’d stop at that Wendy’s and grab some sandwiches for our visit. I can remember when I was a kid my mom would be complaining that they screwed something up. And now they do it so much it’s almost like they’re required to by the company to meet monthly quotas. I literally think their managers get weekly bonuses for fucking peoples orders up.

My wife likes to order their Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers, except she likes to add tomatoes and pickles to the sandwiches. Never mind the tomatoes for a minute, which is a recent addition to the sandwiches, since we’ve been going there and she’s been getting the JBC, she’s been adding pickles. She loves Wendy’s pickles, so she has them add extra pickles. The first time we asked for extra pickles the lady taking our order said, “They don’t come with pickles.” My exact response was, “So add pickles, and then put extra on them.” Is it that fucking hard to figure out? Holy shit.

Ever since then we’ve had issues getting a thing as simple as pickles added to the JBC. For a time we’d ask for them on the side, and that worked well for a while. We’d actually get them.

Recently I looked at the back of a receipt and found that if I went to their website and submitted feedback I could get $2 off a large sandwich on my next visit, so that’s what I did. They have a new sandwich out now, the Bacon Portabella Melt, which I can’t lie, is very fucking tasty.

This is not an ad. Wendy's does not sponsor me or my opinion.

This is not an ad. Wendy’s does not sponsor me or my opinion.

No, I won’t lie about the sandwich, which is what Wendy’s does. The mushrooms they use are not Portabella mushrooms. Side note, those mushrooms are typically spelled “Portobello,” but who gives a shit? Anyway, the mushrooms they use are regular fuck off mushrooms that can be purchased in a can at your local grocery store for less than a dollar.

This small can typically costs 75 cents or less.

This small can typically costs 75 cents or less.

I buy those mushrooms all the time. They’re good for cheapy mushrooms. And they taste exactly like those mushrooms on that Wendy’s sandwich. For those of you who don’t eat mushrooms or have never had Portobello mushrooms, Portobello mushrooms have a very distinct taste. They’re delicious, and they taste nothing like those regular mushrooms in a can. And the mushrooms on the burger at Wendy’s taste nothing like Portobello, nor do they share the size of Portobello mushrooms. You can see in the picture above that is the case. One Portobello mushroom is typically bigger than that entire can of mushrooms from Kroger.

Anyway, I decided I’d do the survey and get $2 off one of those sandwiches, because those sandwiches are awesome. I told Wendy’s everything I just said, about how we eat there upwards of three to four times a week and how we have issues getting our orders right. I got my $2 off code to write on the back of the receipt and I was happy. I had voiced my opinion directly to them (via their website that is probably run by some Asians in Spain) and I could sleep better.

Here’s a quick rundown of recent problems at this particular location, never mind the pickle problem.

- I once got the sandwich minus bacon because I am not a huge fan of bacon. Fuck the internet and memes, bacon is not the greatest thing ever. I returned home to find only about three of those little mushroom pieces on my burger. At least it didn’t have bacon on it.
-Another time I ordered a double of that sandwich, with no bacon. I got home to find I had a single. I took it back to them to correct. They gave me a double, with bacon. (Both fuck ups here were done by a manager.)
-I took my $2 off coupon to them and got the sandwich in a combo. They wouldn’t accept the coupon because it’s only good on a sandwich, not a combo. Make sense? Of course it fucking doesn’t, because they ring up the sandwich and the combo separately.

Tonight we asked for 2 JBC with tomato and pickle added. The screen immediately showed:

2 JBC
-ONLY
-TOMATO
-PICKLE

This isn’t the first time that has happened. I said to the man with a heavy sigh that we wanted everything on the sandwich, we were just ADDING (said with extreme emphasis) tomato and pickle. He said, “Oh, ok.”

We got the order and discovered the sandwiches had only tomato and pickle. We then drove up to where my wife works and there’s a Wendy’s there at 5490 Beach Blvd, Mason, OH, right across the street from that shitty ass Burger King I linked to above. We stopped in to get her a drink and some packets of mayo for her burgers. The small drink came up on the screen as costing $1.48. With tax it was $1.60 or something. When we got to the window the girl said the total was $1.90. I handed her $2 and she gave me back fifteen cents. True story.

When I got home I went to Wendy’s website and sent another message directly to their Mexican Asians. This is exactly what I sent them.

I wrote to you recently and told you how this particular location almost never gets our orders right. I told you how my wife and I spend a lot of our money there. Well, we’re done. We’ll find somewhere else to go. I’m so sick of the bare minimum competency held by the employees there. My wife gets the same thing there, every time. Two Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers, and we add tomato and pickles.

When we first started ordering pickles on the burgers, she wanted extra pickles on them because she loves your pickles. The first time I told them I wanted extra pickles on the burgers the lady said, “They don’t come with pickles.” Is it that hard to figure out that I’d like to ADD pickles to the sandwiches so that there are extra pickles on them? We’d pay for them if there was a charge, just get it right.

Then we had to start asking for the pickles on the side just to make sure we got them. Just because we said we wanted to add pickles to the burgers didn’t always mean we’d get pickles on them.

This fiasco happened almost every time we ordered this order, which was three to four times a week. And then we started getting a new problem. I’d order the sandwiches, say I wanted tomato and pickles ADDED, and they’d put on the order which we could see on the screen at the drive through “ONLY.” I’ve told them time and time again that we didn’t just want those two things on the burgers, we wanted everything that came on the burgers including the tomatoes and pickles. Sometimes they’d get it right, most of the time they wouldn’t. Tonight was one of the times when they didn’t get it right. When I saw the “ONLY” I once again said that we wanted everything else on the burgers too. The guy said, “Oh, okay.” We got our order and SURPRISE! Just tomatoes and pickles on the burgers.

It can’t be rocket science to work there and to do a halfway decent job, but apparently you’ve gone above and beyond to find the dumbest of the dumb to represent your company. Congratulations, your employees are idiots.

We’ll spend our money somewhere else. We don’t have throw away money, we work hard for what we got, which isn’t much. What little money we have we like to spend on food we enjoy from places who value our money and our patronage. Obviously you don’t give much of a shit about either one of those from us, so we’ll move on to some place that does.

Lastly, giving people extra large drinks instead of the normal sizes that everyone else does would be nice if you didn’t fill each cup entirely with ice before the drink is added. One of your extra large “large” drinks yields about as much to drink as everybody else’s mediums. Thanks for making me pay for a cup full of ice that has nothing to chill after three drinks.

Dave is undoubtedly rolling around in his grave right now.

Fuck Wendy’s. I’m so done with them and their shit. My wife’s drink was so full of ice she barely got her straw in it. Seriously. She doesn’t drink a lot, which is why she ordered a small, but I’m sure even she’ll be thirsty after that drink.

How hard is it? I know fast food is what it is, but that doesn’t mean we, as consumers, shouldn’t expect them to get our orders right. I know I should know better, and I do. I completely expect to get something fucked up at a fast food place, any of them. But we should hold them to the same standards we hold everything else to. We’re paying them 100% of the money for 100% of the product we order, nothing less. And we should get nothing less.

Fuck you Wendy’s, I’m done with you.

Being A Server

Guess who just had a shitty server experience? If you guessed me, then you’d be correct. And if you guessed that it was on my birthday, you’d be some kind of psychic or something. Because it totally was.

My mom took my wife and I out for breakfast this morning for my birthday. I picked a new Bob Evans that opened up near us, only because I hadn’t been to a Bob Evans in a while and thought the change would be nice. I quickly remembered why I haven’t been to one in a while. Their food sucks. It all tastes fake to me.

Anyway, our waitress wasn’t horrible and she didn’t do anything outrageously bad, but she made some mistakes that I thought common sense would have prevented, but apparently not.

I was a waiter at a local pizza place for six months and then at an Applebee’s for six months. And while I learned some great pointers from both, mostly from Applebee’s, I learned most of what I know about being a server just by being served at restaurants. It’s not fucking hard people, so if you fail at being a server, you should end your life now because nothing in life is going to get any easier for you.

Here’s a quick how-to guide for being a server, no matter where you’re working. Do these things and you’ll be just fine.

First of all, you should have some sort of personality. You don’t want to overstay your welcome at the table, but you should have a good banter with your customers. Here’s an exchange I had with our waitress this morning.

Because my wife always takes forever to order, I made a joke about it to the waitress. She asked us if we were ready to order and I said my wife would need a few days before she would be ready. This, of course, pissed my wife off (even though it’s true) but the waitress said without missing a beat, “I’ll come back tomorrow.” And she left the table. Very nice.

You should also know that being an efficient server should be the top of your list. Don’t have excellent banter with your customers only to screw everything else up. That will just make you look like a douche.

Something I see not too very often (which is a shame) is the crouch move. I learned that from a server at Applebee’s and it works. When you get to the table, crouch if you can while talking to your customers. It makes them feel, subconsciously, that they are above you and it keeps them from having to look up at you. You’ll be more on their level and they’ll be more comfortable.

Make sure you get their order right the first time, when they order. When you leave the table there should be no questions or concerns with their order on your part. Get it right, and after they order ALWAYS repeat the entire order back to them and make sure they say that it is right. And don’t speed read through the order, make sure they can hear everything you say. This only saves your ass. Trust me.

Now, the first of two things our waitress fucked up. Always, ALWAYS go back to the table “2 bites or 2 minutes” after you give them their food to make sure everything is okay. This is so that if something is fucked up you can get it corrected right away instead of having your customer sit there with something wrong and not eating while everyone else around them eats. Our waitress gave us our food and we didn’t see her until we were all almost done eating. This lead to the second thing she screwed up.

Your customers should never go without something to drink. Personally, if I had to pick between either only eating or drinking for the rest of my life, I’d pick drinking. I love to drink. I’m always with something to drink, and if I’m not I panic. I love liquids of all kinds. This is what helped to make me a very heavy alcohol drinker back when I drank all the time, because I drink constantly. If I go to a restaurant to eat and I can’t get my refills myself, I expect to never have to wait very long, if at all, for a refill. I can’t eat without something to drink. Had I been the one paying and not my mom, she wouldn’t have gotten such a big tip just because of the drink situation. It’s that important to me. And I always tip well because I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I know what kind of work they do and for what money. But don’t give me a refill, you’re fucking with your own cash flow.

When our waitress finally came to check on us for the first time, I had gone ten minutes or longer without anything to drink. I stopped eating to wait on a refill. When she did come back to us, it was to greet the people who had been sat next to us and she asked if we were doing okay as she walked past us to their table. She didn’t even stop. My mom and wife said they were okay, which took up the amount of time I had to say I needed something. That’s how fast it all happened. That was my window of opportunity. I said I needed a refill, but I had to turn my head while saying it because she was walking past me as I said it, and she had already taken her mind off of us as I was saying it, so she didn’t hear me. After she took their drink orders, she was gone and I didn’t see her again until she brought them their drinks, and even then my mother had to yell to get her attention as she was damn near running away from their table after giving them their drinks. Only then did I get the one refill I got to have during breakfast, which wasn’t enough. Considering Bob Evans has thick glasses that appear to hold more than they actually do. Add the ice, and I got about two solid drinks from each glass before they were empty. Not cool.

Lastly, always offer desert before dropping off the check. This isn’t because people want you to do it, it’s because IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB. Secret Shoppers look for that shit. I almost always got a perfect score on every “Shop” I’ve been through, because for one, I’m not an idiot, and two, I know how to be a good server.

You should always offer at least two of everything, just to be on the safe side. When you first visit a table, offer two appetizers and two drinks. Salad? Cheese sticks? Coke? Water? To have a little fun with it, like I did, offer Iced Tea and then Jack Daniels or something else completely off the wall. They can’t say you didn’t offer two drinks and you typically get a laugh out of them right from the start, which usually helps you have a good experience with them.

Then you want to offer two meals, which is a good time to tell them about specials or your favorite dish without sounding like a traveling salesman. At the end, offer those two deserts or even coffee. Some people like a cup of coffee at the end of a meal.

Now that you’ve had this helpful guide help you make it through another dinner service, here’s another tip. Don’t visit the table too much. I had a waitress once come to the table every other minute. It was ridiculous. People don’t want to flag you down for something, they also don’t want to shoo you away either. If you want to make frequent trips to your tables, don’t say anything. Walk by silently, look over the table and see if they need any dishes removed or any refills. If it looks as if they do, then ask if they’d like to have dishes taken away or drinks refilled. But if they need you, there you are. Let them say they need something without you asking. That keeps you looking like you’re not constantly checking on them and keeps them feeling as if they’re in control. Otherwise, a silent walk by is all that is needed. For extra pointers, if they look like they need a refill, just take them one. Don’t ask.

Oh, and pre-bussing your tables is definitely a must. I just mentioned it, removing dishes. Even if you have bus people working at your particular restaurant, that doesn’t mean the customers want to sit there with a bunch of unneeded dirty dishes taking up all of the table space. This also leads to dishwashers getting dishes done more effectively, bus people doing their jobs quicker and more effectively, and the restaurant running more smoothly.

If you have any questions on how to be a good server, or any questions over what I just wrote, ask. And if I forgot something or you have a suggestion, please say so. Serving food is not a hard job, seriously. It’s a shame servers don’t make more money in this country, but even still, it’s not a hard job to do. Just follow these steps and you’ll be just fine.

Now, go get me a refill.

Burger King, You Suck!

When I was a teenager I was a huge fan of BK. More so than McDonald’s or any other fast food place. The Whopper was the shit. Their fries ruled. They kicked ass.

And then they started changing shit. I believe it was somewhere around 1998 (give or take a year or two) when they first changed their fries. It was huge news. Most people were outraged. I loved the new fries.

And then things started really going down hill. The Whopper suddenly wasn’t such a Whopper anymore. It seemed as if they were putting less and less beef on them.

I slowly began not eating there anymore. The fries started changing, it seemed, once every couple of years as did BK’s menu. They kept bringing out new things and trying new marketing strategies, but it all seemed hopeless. They seemed to be a restaurant in a personality crisis. They didn’t know who or what they wanted to be. They were no longer the king.

In the past few years my wife and I haven’t bothered eating there but maybe once a year. Tonight was our once for this year. We stopped at, note the exact location:

Burger King #7809
5558 Kings Mills Road
Mason, OH 45040

bk-google-maps

We pulled up to the drive-thru completely unsure of what to expect, since they’re constantly changing things. I figured the Whopper would be on the menu as it is their flagship burger. I noticed a few of the other sandwiches, but also noticed a bunch of new stuff. Since I didn’t want to try something new as that usually kicks me in the ass, I opted for a Whopper. My wife got a couple double cheeseburgers. She was planning on taking some of it to work with her and eating it later.

When we got to the window I asked the lady if I could add another burger onto the order, per my wife’s request. The lady, who appeared to be a manager, huffed and put the burger on our ticket and called out to the “cooks” that she needed another one.

We sat there patiently waiting for our food. Just as she come walking up to the window with our two bags (I’m really unsure of why we needed two bags) I asked her politely if we could have some ranch. My exact words were, “I’m sorry, but may we have some ranch please?”

She quite literally spun around, growled out loud and went to get the ranch. Keep in mind this woman appeared to be in her 50′s, so either her life turned out exactly how she wanted it, or it didn’t. I’m guessing it didn’t.

She tossed the ranch into one of the bags and then forcefully shoved them out of the window towards me. At first I thought she was going to throw them into my car, and then I literally thought if I didn’t grab them fast enough she would drop them and be on her way, so I grabbed them the best I could and she took off.

This is a case of mistaken identity. She obviously mistook me for someone who wouldn’t say shit about her shitty customer service skills. What she doesn’t know is that I’m one of Taco Bell’s most hated for how many times I’ve called to complain about their shitty service (one specific location, which is now closed and I like to believe I closed it). She also doesn’t know how many times I’ve called to complain about the one Burger King I used to go to all the time, back when it first really started to suck. She also doesn’t know how many times I’ve called on various McDonald’s for their shitty service.

Look, I get it. Working in fast food sucks. I’m about to find that out more-so than ever as I just landed a job at a Taco Bell to help get me by until I can find something better. But you know what? In an economy like the one we have now, where people are begging for work in record numbers, there are jobs out there at these shitty fast food establishments. Yes, it sucks, but it’s a fucking job and it pays money, more so than unemployment is probably giving you.

I know working there sucks, but nobody’s forcing you to work there. If you don’t like it, go find something better or suck it up and be thankful you have a fucking job. If you have a shitty day, leave it at the door. Customer service, despite the myth, is actually very easy. As much as I fucking loathe people, I’m excellent at customer service because it’s so fucking simple.

If you’re bad at customer service it means only one thing. Not that your job sucks or that customers suck or anything else sucks, it means you suck. If you can’t figure out how to give good customer service, you’re pathetic and you deserve a shitty job.

Oh yeah, and their fries? Looks like they’ve been changed again since the last time I had them sometime last year. And their sizes suck. This, apparently, is a large.

My camera couldn't quite capture just how small of an order this large fry was.

My camera couldn’t quite capture just how small of an order this large fry was.

Fuck you Burger King, I’m not going back, just like I stated in my email I sent to your company. That’s right folks, I reported this bitch and her shitty service. I’m not playing games with these fucks. You give me a reason to bitch, I’m going to the top to do it. That’s also why I posted their address above, so should you be in the area and want to fuck with someone who obviously hates her job, by all means. I would have shared her name with you had I known it. Also, the Wendy’s across the street from there sucks hardcore too.

Domino’s For Dinner

My wife and I decided we were going to go to KFC to have dinner, since fried chicken sounded tasty and we haven’t been there in a long time. We got in the car and it wouldn’t start, so we went with plan B, order pizza. Plan C was to go to the store and buy something to make for dinner, but since the car wouldn’t start it sort of left us with no choice.

Domino’s had some deals going on so we saved some money and got pizza as well as some sandwiches. I ordered their Italian Sandwich, which comes with “Pepperoni, Salami, & Ham topped with Banana Peppers, Green Peppers, Onions, & Premium Provolone Cheese, all baked on our Artisan Italian Bread to a perfect golden brown.” It was phenomenal. The bread was especially good.

My wife ordered some of their wings and found them to be delicious. She even said at one point that they were the best wings she’s had in a long time. This would include getting wings at two wing places. A pizza place beat out two places that specialize in wings. I tried one, it was indeed delicious.

We also ordered these new Parmesan Bread Bites for a dollar and they were incredibly good. Tons of Parmesan cheese and baked until they were perfectly done. There were even little Parmesan cheese chips in the bag from cheese that had fallen off of the bites and become little golden discs of deliciousness.

And this is where I come to my pizza. I got a medium deep dish with cheddar cheese and mushrooms. The pizza didn’t taste done enough, like maybe another two or three minutes in the oven would have been perfect. The flavor was good, but not as good as I remembered it being. The mushrooms were fine, but they put on just a few slivers of cheddar cheese, just enough to have little orange streaks running across the top of my pizza.

Let me explain something to you. I’m a fan of cheese. The more the better. No amount is too much. The fact that I paid for extra cheese is one thing. I expect extra cheese. But if I’m paying for extra cheese that happens to be cheddar, I not only want to see the entire top of the pizza orange, but I want to TASTE the cheese. I ordered cheddar for a reason. Because I wanted to taste it. What’s the point in putting it on the pizza if you’re only going to put enough on there to show little strips of orange? The sauce dominated the flavor, and for that I was upset by it.

This is the first time I’ve been this upset by a Domino’s pizza. Normally I love their pizza, but tonight it was subpar. Luckily everything else was completely awesome.

Food Review: Fricker’s

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, although I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I used to have a food review blog for local eateries but I gave it up due to financial downtrodden (I couldn’t afford to eat out (heh)).

Tonight my wife and I stopped at our local Fricker’s, a sports bar that we’ve been going to for a long time. Well, I have, but she’s fairly new at it.

Her food came out fine, but for some reason nothing went well for me.

For starters, our server Nicole asked us if we wanted any drinks, took the order and went off to get it. I looked at my wife and said “we could have ordered our appetizers” and my wife said what I normally think. “She didn’t ask us if we wanted to order any.” No kidding, she DIDN’T, did she?

She came back with our drinks and then took our appetizer orders. As we were ordering those I tasted my drink and it tasted watered down and I mentioned it. Nicole said, “it does?” and I said “yes”. She then didn’t offer to get me a new one or anything. I drank it, it was fine.

Our appetizers came and they were tasty and fine, no problems there. I got deep fried veggies because I’m trying to eat healthier. They were yummy, especially dipped in ranch. My wife got deep fried cheese and that was good as well. Little balls of cheddar deep fried until they’re insanely delicious.

Then our food came out. I ordered their brew fries with shredded cheese on them. They came out with nacho cheese on them, a cheese I’m not very fond of. Nicole told me the cooks made it wrong and she thought she would ask me first considering they’re really busy and it would take a while before I’d get another batch, so again I said it was fine. I wound up only eating a few of them while my wife swapped hers for mine and put a dent on them. Her fries, of course, didn’t get eaten and mine only half ate.

She got me one refill and that was fine, since I didn’t need a second refill, but again it was watered down.

We got our check and paid. She didn’t offer to get us a box for our mass of uneaten fries, so we didn’t ask for one. On our check my fries were listed as “cheese fries”, which of course means a bowl full of fries with nacho cheese on them. She didn’t put anywhere on the ticket that I wanted shredded cheese. So the cooks didn’t mess up, she did.

It doesn’t take much to keep me from going to a place, and typically I overlook the hefty price tag of eating at Fricker’s because I’ve been going there for years and I typically enjoy my experience, but for watered down soda and nacho cheese, I won’t be going back any time soon.

Fricker’s NCH
Service: 3
Food: 4
Overall: 3 1/2 out of 5

On the web: Frickers.com

KFC = Kentucky’s Fucking Dumbest

Yeah, I know, but I don’t live there, so we won’t talk about my problems. For now. And if you have no idea why I’m saying this, then you must live in Kentucky.

Personally, I love the State of Kentucky, once you get a little further south from the Northern Kentucky assholes, who consider themselves Cincinnati, but are much better than us because they live in Northern Kentucky. But no, not those assholes. The REAL people of Kentucky. Down in the hollers. Up in the mountains. Between the hollers and the mountains, where it’s just that little hilly area that everyone seems to forget about. Twindaddy lives on one of those hills, so he’s fine.

THOSE are the people who make that State great. So I’m really not talking about them, I’m talking about the fast food fried fowl restaurant chain, KFC. Say that a hundred and thirty seven times in a row, fast. I know you won’t.

They’ve recently put out a commercial that I got to see run a million times Sunday during football where they’re advertising their popcorn chicken. In this commercial, they start off by showing chicken nuggets and saying something to the effect of, “Nuggets? What part of the chicken is that? Our chefs don’t make nuggets (emphasis on the “nuggets”, to make them sound as if they are ultra stupid). Our chefs only make popcorn chicken!”

So I’m thinking, “Okay assholes, what part of the chicken is the popcorn?” I used to work at a butcher shop and I cut up chickens all the time for people. Not once did I ever see the popcorn meat. Maybe it’s slang for their balls. Eeew, if you eat popcorn chicken, you’re eating their nuts! EEEEEWWWW!!!

What the fuck is this shit? “Our chefs don’t make nuggets…” No, your “chefs” don’t make shit. They go to work, open bags of this popcorn shit up, dump it in the fryer, and then let it sit under a heat lamp for most of the day.

They make mention of the fact that nuggets aren’t real meat, I’m guessing they’re insinuating that nuggets are all processed meat, which for the record, is how I like all of my meat. Except for hamburgers. Those are fine just the way they are.

No, not the processed shit for their popcorn chicken, only all white breast meat. Quadruple layered in batter and deep fried. Never mind that most fast food joints who sell chicken nuggets are now using real chicken breast meat in them, such as Wendy’s and, well, them. The rest I’m not sure about because I don’t really eat fast food all that much. But McDonald’s chicken nuggets can suck a fat one because that shit isn’t real chicken breast and it ain’t processed either. I have no clue what it is, but I know if I eat it I’ll regret the hell out of it while I’m sitting on the toilet for four days.

So I say to hell with KFC. I don’t care if they beat the shit out of the chickens before they kill them and serve them to me. I like my food dead and tasty, and that’s what they provide. How the animal gets that way isn’t my concern. But, when they start running ads on national television that appears to have been written by an aggressive eight year old who has bullying issues and a sense of putting someone down that is only moronic and not really thoughtful, and nobody read it over to see if it was any good before they filmed it in one take and went with it.

Really? By their law, “nuggets” aren’t a part of a chicken’s anatomy, so there shouldn’t be a food named that, but it’s okay for there to not be a “popcorn” section on a chicken’s body but a food named that.

It’s so simple and stupid that it pisses me off to no end. I can’t fathom how someone wrote that, MADE MONEY for writing it, and didn’t listen to it when it was said aloud. No nugget parts on a chicken, so they’re stupid and those who eat them are stupid. So go eat chicken made from the popcorn parts of a chicken. Then you’ll be one of the cool kids.

If they were really popcorn, why can’t I buy a large bucket of them at the movie theater for $24.75? I was going to get the medium bucket, but they insisted it was totally worth the 75 cents to upgrade, so I splurged.

Can you imagine that? A large bucket of crunchy popcorn chicken, smothered in salt and hot flowing imitation butter? Oh god… Do you know why when you get hungry your mouth fills with saliva? Saliva is all of the nut your taste buds are ejaculating at the thought of delicious food. I’ve looked it up. It was on Wikipedia.

So there you go, KFC, which we all really know is a subliminal way of writing the word “fuck”, which in all honesty is why I love eating there cause that’s pretty funny. But I’m not going to until they start writing smarter ads. Just the facts. Show a non-moving picture of popcorn chicken with no sound at all for 30 seconds at a time, with your logo down in the corner and you’re guaranteed to sell millions of units. You don’t have to try to write a “funny” commercial to sell your product, because you only come across as dumb asses.

It’s a common problem with way too many commercials. These companies paying for advertising time think it’s cute to write “goofy” commercials. Some commercials are legitimately funny, but most are not, in the slightest. I don’t want to watch people acting like fucking idiots just to sell a product. That shit might have worked in the 1930′s but it isn’t working now. Just give us the facts and end it with that.

Fuck.