Category Archives: Movies

I like movies. My reviews will probably contain spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

Movie Review: Turbo

Last night my wife wanted to watch the Dreamworks movie, Turbo, so I thought I’d review it. Sure, it came out last year, but I recently wrote a review of Pretty Woman, so at least I’m getting closer to NOW with this review.

turbo-movie-poster

The movie is about a snail who wishes he could drive a race car. He’s in love with the best race car guy alive at the time, who happens to be French and named “Guy.”

I get that this movie is a cartoon and fiction. But let’s take a look at some things that don’t make much sense.

First of all, he’s a snail. But he operates a TV AND drinks out of a can of soda with a straw. How did he do all that? The straw was two straws stuck together so that they’d reach into the can of soda and down to his mouth. How did he do any of that? He’s a fucking snail.

Second, after he gets juiced, literally, he then takes on all the characteristics of a car. He has lights, an alarm, a stereo. None of that makes sense and it’s unnecessary. It’s only for laughs, of which they got none from me cause I was too busy trying to figure out how the hell any of that would have happened.
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Daily Prompt: Missing Sequels

If you could create a sequel to one favorite (standalone) movie, which would it be? How would it build on the original?

I’ve thought, for a very long time, about my favorite movie and how I would have loved for a sequel to come out for it. But, I’ve always wondered, what exactly the sequel would entail. Because at the end of the original, it’s over. Sure there’s a story after it, but it’s not movie worthy, and my favorite movie was a great movie. Its sequel would have to be great for it to work, or it wouldn’t, which is why I’m glad they never made one. BUT, if they could have…

flashback-poster

I still really don’t know what the sequel would be about, and I still think about it every now and then. Especially after I watch the movie and the two main characters ride off in their respective sunsets. What happens then? Where are they going? What are they going to do? Personally, I’d love to see their stories following Flashback, but they wouldn’t be movie worthy.

If you haven’t seen Flashback, which I strongly suggest you do, there will be spoilers to it here.
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Super Men In Black

On and on I go with the upcoming sequels I’m actually looking forward to. I’ve already been over Pirates of the Caribbean 5, Despicable Me 3, Zombieland 2 and Army Of Darkness 2.

In this edition I’m going to go with Super Troopers 2 and Men In Black 4.

Recently, Broken Lizard, the dudes who brought us Super Troopers and other stellar films (despite what a bunch of douchebag idiots say) mentioned that they’re working on Super Troopers 2 and Weedfest. Well, there’s very little about Weedfest currently, but there’s plenty to see about Super Troopers 2. Hopefully that will be out soon. Either way, I’m just excited for another BL movie. Their stuff is awesome.

I’m sure the douchebag idiots will bitch and cry like they always do. “It’s not exactly like Super Troopers, so I HATE IT!” That’s why everyone hated Club Dread. Had it come out before Super Troopers, everyone would have loved it. But everyone wanted Super Troopers 2, and when they didn’t get it they hated it. They obviously don’t get it.
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Movie Review: Guardians Of The Galaxy

For the first time in just about 8 years, I got to see a movie in the theater. I bet you can’t guess which one I went to see!

Lucky guess. It's like you read the title to this blog or something.

Lucky guess. It’s like you read the title to this blog or something.

We went to an AMC theater to see this, which was nice. Here are the reviews I read about this particular location, before we went there.

“There can sometimes be MOUNDS of popcorn stuck under the seats.”
“The AMC (at least at this one’s) customer service is horrendous.” 2 reviewers
“I can buy a week’s worth of their popcorn kernels for that price.”

Oh man, I couldn’t wait to go. For starters, what do you care what’s under your seat? Are you sitting there on the floor? Second, our customer service was just fine. Third, shut the fuck up. When has going to the movies ever been cheap? Never in my life. Unless you go to the dollar cinema. So shut it, or start bringing a purse with you and filling it with your own goods, like everybody else.

Tickets for 2: $21
One large popcorn and one large drink: $13.75
Dumping my bag of popcorn on the floor under my seat to really piss off the next person who goes there: Priceless
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The Deadites Will Rise Again

Carrying on with my updates of movie sequels I’d love to see, Sam Raimi is currently in the news right now, and at the moment the news is the number one trending story on Facebook. Sam Raimi is working on a TV show for The Evil Dead, and Bruce Campbell is going to be Ash on it.

And this is no shit. Absolutely true.

Fantastic news! Right? Well sure it is, because us Evil Dead fans will take whatever we can get, and it’s been too fucking long of a wait! I don’t count the reboot. It didn’t have the charm the original did.

I read it and I was happy at first. That was my initial reaction when I first saw the headline. But it was tainted with a moment of dread. I couldn’t figure out why at first, but then it hit me. A short while back, before Sam Raimi released Oz The Great And Powerful, he said after Oz… he was going to work on Army Of Darkness 2 and Campbell would reprise the role of Ash. And I was pumped. Everyone who was a fan of The Evil Dead trilogy was pumped. This was awesome and it needed to happen. It would be the greatest thing ever, of all time, ever.
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