Category Archives: Movies

I like movies. My reviews will probably contain spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

Movie Review: Robocop

Hi folks! I just watched the reboot to an awesome movie franchise and I wasn’t happy with it.

End of review.
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Ghostbusters 3

I just got a notification that I had been mentioned in a post about the Ghostbusters, and I did a little research to discover an awesome clay animation version of Ghostbusters 3, as if Quentin Tarantino had done it. It’s really cool and artist Lee Hardcastle did a great job with it. I’d also like to thank Brian Abrams for getting the racism in the movies and throwing a link back to me in the process!

Check out the clay animation short below and make sure to check out Death And Taxes Mag for more greatness!

Movie Review: Venom

Venom is a 2005 American voodoo horror-of-the-demonic film with some actors in it. I’d name them, but there’s nobody in the movie that is going to persuade you to see it. Except Method Man. See my point?

I got this movie in a pack called 19 Horror Movies Value Collection. (Not so) Amazingly, there’s almost no pictures of it online, and finding any info about it is tough. I can’t even find it on Walmart’s website, which is unusual considering I bought it at a Walmart.

19-horror-movies-dvd

I think I only paid something like $5 for it. At most, $9.99. You can get it free, apparently, from Listia.com.

The reason I bought it, quite obviously, is because there’s 19 fucking movies on it for whatever small price I paid. Out of 19, there has to be at least one good movie, right? Still worth what I paid. Plus, it comes with a Halloween movie and Wes Craven’s They. So I know I got a deal.

I’ve had the DVD for a few months now, so tonight I finally decided to give something from it a try. I gave the titles a look over and decided on The Legend Of Sorrow Creek. Now, I figured most of these would be low budget, terrible movies, but I swore I’d give them a good chance. When this started I appreciated the low value. It was like your buddies doing a movie, only slightly better. It had SOME production value, but after about ten minutes I couldn’t take the long, drawn out, barely acted, dialogue-fueled scenes. It just seemed like everybody had to talk, at great length, about what they were going to do, instead of just doing it. And everybody spoke with the same monotone, non-inflected speech. I couldn’t take it, so I don’t know how it turned out.

I then switched it up to Venom and saw that it was made by Dimension and The Weinstein’s, so I figured at least it would have a decent budget and might not be too bad to watch.

Venom takes place in Louisiana and is about voodoo. A voodoo priestess has been collecting the souls of bad people in a suitcase. Those souls, turned into snakes, get loose and attack the local tow truck guy, Ray. He dies, but soon comes back as a zombie serial killer guy. Not like a Dawn of the Dead type zombie, but an actual voodoo zombie.

So, he’s pissed off and he starts killing the local teen population, which is great because they need to die. What you get is a basic slasher movie, and quite frankly there aren’t enough good ones coming out anymore. Personally, I fucking loved it. It’s exactly what I want in a slasher movie.

I read some reviews after watching the movie and can only laugh at them. Reviewers tend to over think what they’re watching. I pulled these, and various other info on the movie from Wikipedia.

Kyle Smith from the New York Post wrote, “Even the undemanding high schoolers the film is aimed at will experience déjà voodoo, as Venom recites the A through Z of horror clichés. All hopes for suspense and plot twists are snuffed out about as quickly as the film’s black characters.”

First of all, there are quite a few black characters in the movie. This does take place in Louisiana, after all. Sure they’re killed in the movie, but so is everyfuckingbody else. One guy, the Sheriff, is just taken out of the movie. I thought I’d see more of him later, but no. His role is over pretty quickly, which is a shame, because I liked him.

Then there’s the young voodoo priestess in training. She survives almost to the end of the movie, which is longer than most of the white characters survived. So I don’t understand where Mr. Smith up there gets off saying the black characters are snuffed out quickly.

Unless he’s saying the suspense and plot twists AREN’T snuffed out quickly, because the black characters aren’t snuffed out quickly. I don’t know. Because honestly, you have a textbook horror flick here. I like horror flicks, and if they’re textbook, then they’re doing it right enough to be enjoyable. And this one is enjoyable. I cheered for Dead-Ray, as he killed all of worthless bastards. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a bad guy to cheer on.

And plot twists? No, I don’t want many of those in a horror movie. They can be nice, but overall I just want to see a bunch of people get murdered, and a decent amount of gore. Mr. Smith, I can only suggest if you want plot twists, go watch some shitty Suspense Thriller I’m sure you get hard over.

Instead of plot twists, I want to see something I didn’t see coming. Not necessarily a twist, just something that kept me glued to the movie. Venom had enough of that. In one scene, two of the kids are running from Dead-Ray through the bayou. Dead-Ray stops running and then sinks down into the water. Suddenly they can’t see him, and all we get to see of Dead-Ray moving through the water is a little wave action. And then suddenly, and quietly, he pops up out of the water.

I wasn’t expecting that, and it was towards the end of the movie. It got an “oh shit!” out of me, and I appreciate that. Dead-Ray had a trick up his sleeve that I wasn’t expecting. Well done.

That Dead-Ray dude was pretty terrifying, and a great bad guy psycho killer. He was definitely intimidating.

There was some shoddy CGI, but otherwise, the whole movie was cool. I think if you’re a fan of horror movies, slashers in particular, you’ll really enjoy this. And if you don’t, go turn on a Suspense Thriller with Kyle Smith and hold each others junk while you watch it.

Hell, I wouldn’t even be opposed to seeing a lower budget, direct to DVD sequel to this. Why the hell not?

I give this 8 of 10 stars.

Movie Review: Beyond Re-Animator

First of all, if you’re a fan of campy horror movies and you have no idea who The Re-Animator is, you’re missing out. Inspired by a short story written by the master of horror H.P. Lovecraft, The Re-Animator dealt with zombies as created by man, or one man, a mad doctor named Herbert West, played by the amazing Jeffrey Combs.

A movie that has a huge cult following, it wasn’t just cheesy campiness. It was a good story with above B-flick standards acting and directing. The action in the movie, as the gore, was over the top and welcomed. The perfect one-liners and no-holds-barred life-force of this movie helped make it one of the greatest films ever made.

And then four years later there was Bride Of Re-Animator. It held onto what made the first movie great and took it one step further across the line of over the top horror movie campiness. A sequel so perfectly suited for the greatness of the first movie that a third movie was inevitable. Fans waited for it. Rumors swirled. Yet the fans continued to wait, but nothing happened.

Finally, in 2003 the fans got what they had patiently been waiting for, Beyond Re-Animator.

I'll wait 14 years for Herbert West.

I’ll wait 14 years for Herbert West.

Herbert West is turned in by his former assistant from the first two films. Unfortunately Bruce Abbott doesn’t make an appearance in this, but Jeffrey Combs steals the show once again and delivers an amazing performance. Just like with the first two films, almost everybody else in the movie is just a regular B-movie actor, but they deliver well and help keep the movie worthy of a watch.

Serving time in jail, Herbert begins to start his experiments again, only this time he’s come up with a new treatment for those injected with his reanimating fluid, and he’s willing to try it out on anybody and anything.

Once again things get out of control and a whole lot of people, both alive and reanimated, do a whole lot of killing in very gory fashion. Beyond Re-Animator also delivers another great showdown to finish off the film and just like the two before it, after it’s over you’re left feeling almost abused from seeing so much over the top craziness. This entire series is a set of movies that will sit with you for a long time after watching them, which is one of the reasons the first two have been cult classics since the mid 80s, and the legion of fans are still just as dedicated to the series as ever before.

Rumors are once again circulating about another movie, especially since Beyond Re-Animator ended the way it did. However, the only real rumors I’ve read regarding a fourth include story ideas that I had heard the third would be about before it came out. This one would be called “House Of Re-Animator” and would involve Herbert West going to the White House to reanimate a dead Vice President who resembled Dick Cheney.

Then there was an interview with Jeffrey Combs on the subject, and an inevitable question was asked. Will there be a reboot?

“Here’s what I think will happen. The name is so well-known, it’s a cult classic, that someone at some point give Brian a lot of money for the title, and they’ll reboot it, thinking they can just tell the same story again, but with younger, fresher actors. Re-do it, update it, and we know what that will have to do.” – Jeffrey Combs, Source

So we’ll see. Brian Yuzna, director and producer of the films (and owner of the franchise) has mentioned that he has an idea for a fourth titled Isle Of Re-Animator, which would be a take on The Island of Doctor Moreau. Nothing official has been said though, but Screen Rant reported 5 years ago that a reboot was in the works and it was going to be a 3D movie, even though some involved thought it was a bad idea..

While nothing, for me at least, will ever top the first two films, which I consider to be neck and neck with each other as far as greatness goes, the third gets very close to their awesomeness and I think it’s more than a suitable third movie to the franchise. I strongly suggest you check this out if you’re a fan of the first two films.

I give this movie 9 of 10 stars.

Movie Review: Orphan

Recently I found out one of my favorite Stephen King novels, “Cell,” is going to be made into a movie starring John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson. They once starred together in another Stephen King adaptation of “1408.” I also saw a young actress playing the part of “Alice” and wondered who she was. The actress is Isabelle Fuhrman, and I had not seen her in anything, except for “The Hunger Games” as “Clove” although I fell asleep right after it started. But I noticed on her profile on IMDB that she was in a movie called (SURPRISE) “Orphan” and it looked good enough that I thought I’d give it a watch.

Cute.

Cute.

You should know by now I’m all about spoilers, so expect them.

First of all, this movie reminded me quickly of “The Good Son” with Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood. Except “Orphan” was good.

Seriously, I was 13 when I went to the theater to see “The Good Son” and when Macaulay said to Elijah, “Don’t fuck with me.” I wanted to walk out. The only way Macaulay could have ever been scary is if he promised to straighten himself out and continue his career by first revitalizing the “Home Alone” franchise. No fucking thanks. There’s a reason Elijah still has a great career and Macaulay doesn’t, and drugs ain’t it. Well okay, drugs is one of the bigger reasons.

BAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, you little shit? Elijah should have climbed back up that rope and beat the fuck out of him. On to something better.

She's a pretty good little psychopath.

She’s a pretty good little psychopath.

“Orphan” is about a rich married couple who has two children. They would have had three, but the last one died before it was born. So now they want to adopt. They go to the orphanage to pick out a new child and CCH Pounder helps them to find one. CCH, for those of you who don’t know, is an amazing actress who was in one of my all time favorite movies, “Demon Knight.”

At one point while the main characters were walking around their very nice, most likely very expensive house, my wife asked me why it is these movies always show people living in the posh estates and not in a trailer or something. I told her I appreciated seeing rich people having bad shit happen to them. It makes me feel like we’re not that different, they and I.

The parents discover little Esther painting some really good stuff. They talk to her, decide they like her and take her home. And then, naturally, shit hits the fan. She starts destroying the family from the inside. Slowly, methodical, devious. And then she starts killing people, like CCH Pounder, whom she bludgeons to death with a hammer. It’s actually a pretty nasty scene, too. She doesn’t just hit her a couple of times, she really goes to town on her. It was so bad my wife said she couldn’t watch any more. Then again, my wife sort of is a pussy.

With that said, here’s the scene.

Then she does more bad stuff but the mom had caught on to her, only the family wasn’t believing her. The son knew and the daughter knew, but both were too scared of Esther to say anything, even though the mom made it clear she knew something was wrong. The dad, on the other hand, was a fucking douche and it’s a good damn thing he was murdered violently. It looked like he suffered through a lot of pain as well, which is good.

With that said, here’s the scene.

Some bad moves on the parts of the characters in the movie, which one should expect when watching a horror movie. Those moments when you’re all “What the fuck are you doing, dumbass?! Don’t go in there! GOD YOU’RE SUCH AN IDIOT! Fuck I hope you die.” And then you applaud when they die. Yeah, quite a few moments in there. Otherwise, pretty good movie. Not nearly enough deaths, but that’s something I’ll just never really be happy with, so I’m used to it. But at least the deaths we get out of this movie are pretty awesome.

I give this movie 4 of 5 stars. Or 8 of 10, if you need that kind of rating.