Category Archives: My Top Lists

From Top 10′s to Top 5′s and every other number, here are some Top Lists.

I Hate Sex

Let’s get one thing straight. I really do love sex. I’m a red blooded human being. Who doesn’t love sex? Hell, as of the last Maury show I caught there are 12 year olds out there who love it. And you can’t go wrong when you hear it from a 12 year old on a day time talk show!

It just occurred to me one day that sex brings up a lot of bad shit. And for the few things that come from it that are truly good, it almost isn’t even a fair fight. The cons take the gold.

So I say that I hate sex as a way to pull you in. A way to get you to read the piece I’m currently in the process of writing. The title of a work of fiction (or something) should be catchy. It should pull the reader in. Grab them from the beginning, so to speak. So with all of us, including some 12 year olds, loving sex as much as we do I figured the title to be a decent hook.

The cons do, however, make it tempting to hate sex. Let’s look at them, shall we?


Porn


Porn is everywhere now, and a lot of people are getting into it who might not have been years ago. Such as women. Some women I know love porn as much as any normal man should. Hell, I love porn. As I said before, I’m a red blooded human, and I’m a man.

But what is porn? Technically it’s a way to help couples with sex problems. What it happens to be is a way for 12 year olds to learn how to perform sexual acts by checking out any of the free porn tubes that are now online and that require no age verification to watch countless hours of the good stuff.

What porn is really doing is showing men a bunch of women they’ll never get to have sex with, with a dong they’ll never be able to compete with. What it’s showing women is a bunch of giant dongs they’ll never get to be with (and in some cases women they’d probably be able to nail). The difference is, normal women could land any of those guys (if they found them) because male porn stars will do it with just about anybody. But where do men fall? Yeah, we still can’t tap the behind of those porn divas. So we’re on the losing end, and we’re the target for porn. That discretion makes it evil.


Sex Toys


Sex toys go right along with porn. Typically anybody willing to use sex toys also enjoy porn. And there’s nothing wrong with that. However, these toys are designed with sex in mind. Not making love, not a bunch of FEELINGS, just the primal, natural desire of SEX.

Case in point, these toys are designed, all of them, to get you off. Period. There’s no vibrator designed to cuddle you afterwards and smoke a cigarette with you, holding you and talking about your feelings. There’s no blow up doll designed to cook you a meal and get all dolled up when she goes to meet your parents. No, these toys are there for sex. Dirty nasty sex. EVIL.


Babies


Depending on who you ask, babies are a good thing. Unfortunately there are many being had to people for all the wrong reasons and sadly that will never end. I think a child should be a blessing in any situation. BUT, that’s a lot of work, regardless of where you stand on it. Your life is over after you have a kid. And anything that could potentially end your life has got to be evil.


Diseases


Something that is supposed to be a wonderful thing, something that is supposed to be for the prosperity of the human race, something that is supposed to be a way to feel great while you procreate, can also kill the shit out of you legitimately. How many diseases are there that will drop you dead just because you got your noodle wet? There are so many simplexes of herpes they fucking numbered them.


Jail


“In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people, civilian life you go to jail for giving somebody an orgasm. Selling is legal, fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal?” – George Carlin

In most places in the United States if you go find a woman who is willing to sleep with you for a little cash, you can go to jail for making that exchange. Yet if you take a woman out on a date, dinner and a movie and then you get lucky, you had a successful date. No jail involved, although depending on the girl you might get handcuffed. But it’s the same thing, only you played it out a little more. You paid money that night for the chance to get some ass. If anything, taking that route as a man is riskier, because there’s no guarantee of a payoff for him. Yet that’s the way our law enforcement wants us to go.

Personally I think it should be legal. Tax them like most cities that allow prostitution, and let them do their thing. In all seriousness, what’s so wrong with it? I’d never go to a prostitute, but what’s wrong with it? Hell, you can go to most trailer parks and find some little skeeze who’ll do you and everybody else for free. That’s legal.

But prostitution isn’t legal so you can go to jail for it. I think this also says that money is evil because that’s the difference between prostitution and free and legal trailer park ass. Money.

Prostitution can send you to jail, potentially give you a few simplexes of herpes and 9 months later you might end up on Maury taking a test to find out if you’re the father of her bastard child. So I’d have to say that it’s pretty evil by those standards.

With all of that going on plus some I’m sure I missed, what’s to like about it? It makes you feel good and in some cases gives you a wanted baby. Sometimes you can even “make love” but that makes you feel good so you’re still left with just two positives.

With the cons outweighing the pros, I think I’m going to have to stand by the title of this blog after all. I hate sex.

4 Reasons Why The Monkees Were Great

First off, let me start by saying that I’m a fan of The Monkees. As a child I used to watch their TV show on reruns (obviously, I’m not THAT old despite what my wife would have you believe) and I’ve always loved their music. Some people, especially huge Beatles fans, tend to hate The Monkees even though The Beatles themselves liked them.

From the TV show to their music, they were great and actually still are. Just a month ago they had yet another tour even though one of the four, Davy Jones, passed away earlier in the year due to a heart attack. Can The Beatles say they’ve toured recently? No. Of course more of them are dead than just one…

So here are my reasons why The Monkees deserve some fucking respect.


4. They Rocked


Despite rumors that have been around as long as they have, The Monkees played their own instruments. Yeah, that’s right, they totally did. Don’t believe me? Go read something. As much as I hate to use Wikipedia as a source for info, I can’t link to a book and have you read that without you actually buying it.

So The Monkees played their own instruments. Interesting. I wonder what else we’ve been lied to about all of these years.

“Wikipedia isn’t a reliable source? Nooo…”

Now let’s get down to it. The music they played was indeed rock, even though they had some slight country heading to the mix. Eventually they wanted to lean more towards blues which can go either way, in country and rock.

They had four number one albums in a one year period. They held the No. 1 spot on the Billboard album chart for 31 consecutive weeks, 37 weeks total. You can’t do that if you don’t put out some decent music.

Their first album The Monkees held the top spot on the Billboard 200 for 13 weeks, after which it was knocked out by their second album, More Of The Monkees. It included their first hit, “Last Train To Clarksville” which as it turns out was a depressing song about going to fight in Vietnam and most likely not coming home from there. Even the Cracked writer who wrote that bit thought they didn’t play their own instruments. Shows what kind of research they do.

“Hey Hey we’re The Monkees, and people say we monkey around!” Yup, now it’ll be stuck in your head all day.

Take the last train to Clarksville now I must hang up the phone
I can’t hear you in this noisy railroad station all alone
I’m feelin’ low oh no no no, oh no no no
And I don’t know if I’m ever coming home

Depressing shit, but the song was a fun-filled number you could dance to, so people loved it. Plus, you know, it was The Monkess, and they were top shit then.


3. Jimi Hendrix Opened For Them


That’s right, guitar/rock legend Jimi Hendrix opened for The Monkees. As you can imagine it didn’t go over well, because well, their music styles are completely different. There weren’t a lot of drugged out rockers in the crowd at a Monkees show. At least not then anyway. During one of the shows, Jimi Hendrix finally had enough of the audience booing him and gave them the finger before walking off the stage and quitting the tour. And now he’s dead.


2. They Had A Hit TV Show


Sure The Beatles had some hit movies, but The Monkees had a hit TV show. In the scheme of things that doesn’t mean much, but The Monkees TV show, aptly titled “The Monkees” can be shown in reruns and syndication. The Beatles can’t say that.

The Monkees TV show first hit the airwaves in 1966 and went until 1968 before stopping production on new shows. It went into syndication in 1969 and has been reran multiple times up until the 1980′s. Because of the syndication, they sold even more albums and had more success, including more tours which were critically acclaimed.


1. They Still Tour


As I said at the top of this article, The Monkees just had a tour in the U.S. even though Davy Jones passed away on February 29, 2012. From Wikipedia (AGAIN?!), “The brief tour marked the first time Nesmith performed with the Monkees since 1997, as well as the first without Jones. Jones’ memory was honored throughout the shows via recordings and video. During one point, the band went quiet and a recording of Jones singing “I Wanna Be Free” played while footage was screening of him walking along the beach. For Jones’ signature song, “Daydream Believer”, Dolenz explained that the band had discussed who should sing the song, only to conclude that it should be the fans. “It doesn’t belong to us anymore,” said Dolenz. “It belongs to you.””

“Hey, aren’t we missing somebody? Oh… right…”
What? Too soon?

Hopefully that tour won’t be their last, because I’d love to see them live. Until then, thanks for the tunes, chaps. They rock, and so do you.

6 Rocks You Probably Never Heard Of

In this world there are many different awesome things. One of those that we take for granted are rocks. Because rocks are fucking everywhere. Some of us even have tons of tiny ones making up our driveways, yet we drive over them every day without a second thought.

Sure there are the Rosetta Stones and the Plymouth Rocks out there, but I’m betting you’ve probably never heard of the following six. I’m not betting a lot, because I’m bad at gambling.


6. ALH 84001


ALH 84001 roughly translates to “Allan Hills, Antarctica, 84001″ which just so happens to be the place where the rock was discovered. It’s a small one, measuring in at basically the size of a potato, but what it offers us is something extraordinary.

“Representin’ the 672!”

The rock proves there’s life on Mars.

Obviously. It comes from Mars, which we can find out by reading the return address on the envelope it was sent in. And naturally if it was sent to us from Mars, somebody had to send it, right? Rocks don’t just fly off of planets and land on other planets.

Actually, it happens all the time, and this one is no different.

Discovered in 1984 by some people who realized the rock was out of place amongst a sea of snow and ice, but they figured that it was just a regular earth rock because, as it turns out, we have a shit ton of rocks on this planet.

But in 1996 NASA decided they were going to test the rock, whether they had motives or just a hard case of boredom remains a mystery. What they found was it was made up from Mars stuff and a bunch of “structures originating from fossilized, primitive bacteria-like organisms.” In other words, extra-terrestrial life. So yes, this rock apparently proves that there is life outside of our own planet.

Duh. We’ve known that since the ’80′s.

The rock is still under scrutiny by people who don’t believe Mars exists.


5. Hooker Emerald Brooch


Although I giggle and laugh at the name of this as if I’m still in the fifth grade, the Brooch is a serious rock.

If one man gives this to another man, it’s a Bro’ch. Get it?

Discovered sometime in the 16th or 17th century, it was given to Sultan Abdul Hamid II, because who else would it have been given to back then? He sported it as a big gaudy belt buckle like a Texan at a hoedown.

Eventually in 1908 it was smuggled into Paris as part of the crown jewels, along with the Hope Diamond. All badass jewels stick together like that. The Sultan was scared the Young Turks were going to kick his ass, so he was hoping to sell the emerald on Ebay and make off like a bandit.

Of all the Sultan haters, Rod Stewart is at the front of the pack.

In 1911 it was auctioned off and the new proud owner was Tiffany & Co., who transformed it from a redneck symbol of pride to a tiara the likes of which had every five year old girl in the country clamoring for it.

Fast forward a few dozen decades and the tiara wasn’t selling. Tiffany & Co. realized they should have left it a belt buckle but decided to try something else, so they once again transformed the piece, this time into a brooch, and put it in their Christmas catalog. It still didn’t sell.

Finally in 1955 a philanthropic heiress bought the brooch for an undisclosed price, and as it turns out she was a Hooker. Apparently one who was very successful at her job.

She’s one classy Hooker.

Having no reason to hold onto it, Janet Annenberg Hooker decided to donate it to the Smithsonian in 1977, as well as a few more of her prized pieces and five million dollars. Back then the brooch was valued at $500,000. Today it is estimated to be worth several kajillion.


4. Devil’s Organ Pipes


If you’re ever wondering where the Devil is, you can find him in Northern Ireland. That is, if you don’t go to Hell first.

There in the land of alcohol is a natural wonder that looks like a giant baby dumped his building blocks and just never picked them up. What it actually happens to be, is a volcanic masterpiece, causing over 4000 basaltic columns of rocks to jut out of the land in the shape of an organ.

Lookit the sausage on THAT guy.

No, not that organ. Like the one you would see in a big fancy church, only without God because this is the Devil’s organ. Heh.

The Devil’s organ? Giggity.

Legend has it (because everything involving anything has to have a legend) the rocks were built by the Giant Fionn MacCumhail so that he could fight against the Scottish giant called Benandonner. That seems legit.

Benandonner lost the fight because, instead of building his own giant rock organ, he opted for a Starbucks franchise.


3. Pantuo Rock


On the outside, Pantuo Rock is just a rock standing precariously on another rock.

“Come back for my three o’clock show where I juggle three kittens.”

Holy shit, that’ll do. How is it just sitting there, looking all “I’m about to drop on your ass”? Well, it has for millions of years and it doesn’t plan on moving any time soon.

There are tons of rocks all over the world that do this very thing, and it’s amazing to wonder just how in the hell they do it. But they do, and I’m guessing it’s because of a little thing called “balance”.

The three symbols on the side of the rock are “Pan Tuo Shi”, which loosely translates to “large boulder sitting on the edge of killing you”, or at least that’s what I think it means. It was autographed by Hou Jigao, the famous anti-Japanese-pirates general in the Ming Dynasty. Yeah, that guy. Which makes me reconsider what the three symbols on the side of the rock actually mean.


2. Stone Mountain


Have you heard about that one big rock with the four Presidents heads carved into the side of it? This isn’t it. But it was done by the same guy who did Mount Rushmore.

“Heh heh, those guys are ‘stoned’. Heh, get it?”

Well, he started it anyway. Gutzon Borglon began working on this piece in 1916 but stopped in 1925, and nobody knows why. Two years later he began working on Mount Rushmore, so maybe he was just paid a higher amount of cash to do that than the previous work. Who knows.

The job was picked back up in 1963 by some other dude and was eventually finished in 1972. The work depicts the likenesses of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis, as well as their horses. It’s also done in the style of bas-relief and happens to be the largest of its kind in the world. A bas-relief sculpture is one that has less depth to the faces and figures than they actually have, when measured proportionately to scale. This technique retains the natural contours of the figures, and allows the work to be viewed from many different angles without distortion of the figures themselves. Neato, huh?

But they look so small.

Just to key you in on their size, the entire carving is 400 feet off the ground, so you have to really crane your neck just to get a good look at it. It’s 90 feet wide by 190 feet tall, never mind how many pixels that would be. To put that into perspective, the heads of the Presidents on Mount Rushmore are about 60 feet tall apiece.


1. Chained Rock


Before 1932, the people of Pineville, Kentucky had very little to do with their time other than come up with horrific things to tell their children with the hopes that the kids would fall asleep happy and leave the parents with plenty of time for moon-shining. *citation needed

Instead of the typical Grimm Fairy Tales, which only terrify kids until they fall asleep, the parents would often torture their kids for the entire night by telling them of a giant rock that sat one thousand feet above the town, and how it would ultimately come crashing down and destroy the entire place. The difference between the rock and the Grimm Fairy Tales was, the rock was actually there and could be seen from the town. The parents would guarantee the child’s safety by telling them that there was a huge chain bolted into the rock to keep it from tumbling down on top of them, ruining their chances at making their own moonshine once they turned 12.

In reality only most of the town would be destroyed.

The only problem was, there was no chain. It didn’t matter that the rock only appeared to be ready to fall and was actually very secure in its position on the hillside, there was no fucking chain. Essentially, the parents were lying to their kids. Believe it or not, parents have been lying to their kids for a long time now, which makes it okay for you to do.

“Don’t worry, when the rock crushes you, you won’t feel a thing. But your brother will, because he still wets the bed.”

The town decided one day in 1932 that it was time to change that, so they hauled a 1.5 ton, 101 foot chain up the hillside via a four-mule team to legitimately secure the rock to the hillside. This decision was made because the former lied-to children didn’t want to lie to their own children, and they needed some sort of reason for tourists to come to their sleepy little town. Apparently the moonshine wasn’t bringing them in like it had been before the Great Depression.

“You’re right, this is a LOT better than zip ties.”

So now if the rock decides to come loose and fall, it’ll just swing along the hillside like a giant pendulum of destruction, tearing out trees and other rocks which will fall on the town, still destroying it all. That’s a fair trade.

No matter the reason, nobody knows for sure why they actually put the chain on the rock, but one thing is for sure. Pineville is now the most visited town in Kentucky by the people who live there.

5 Things (I Just Thought Of)

Welcome to a new and improved blog piece. Actually it’s not new or improved in any way. I’m trying to keep the standards around here at their normal “abysmally low”. In any case, I just had an idea to do this blog in this fashion. I would write about whatever the fuck pops in my head at any given time. And here we go with number 5.


5.


This blog. I thought it might be interesting to do this blog, so I am doing it. And I also just realized that my finger hurts. I cut it at work the other night, right across the tip, and now it looks like a mouth. I’ve been making it open and close off and on, to make it look like it’s talking, but that’s not helping the healing process. Neither is typing, by the way, which really fucking hurts. Here’s a picture.

Just kidding, I don’t have my phone on me. Maybe I’ll take a picture later and post it. Anyway, typing sucks.


4.


I had a collie once when I was a kid. My dad heard she was related somewhere down the line to the original Lassie. And logic would say that since the original Lassie was the smartest dog ever, this dog, albeit a dozen generations later (apparently) should be just as smart, right? Plus it’s a Collie, one of the smarter dogs known to man.

My dad shelled out $200 for the pup and we brought her cute ass home. Oh she was a gorgeous dog, but quite possibly the dumbest animal to ever walk the earth. Like, inbred dumb. Several generations of inbreeding dumb.

Apparently the people we got it off of, if they were telling the truth and the dog was actually a descendant of the original Lassie, had one day in the past bought a dog off of the original Lassie’s family line and kept breeding it generation after generation just to be able to say it’s a direct descendant, even though it was ready to marry its cousin.

This dog wasn’t trained very well, I will say, but I don’t believe training worked out all that well, because the dog was so dumb. My dad built her a pen in the back yard, fully equipped with a dog house, and let her live there, sad as it was.

She spent her time either sleeping, or running in circles around her dog house from morning to night, never stopping. Even if someone walked past our back yard, she would bark, but she wouldn’t stop running in that circle.

Dad took her to the vet and the vet constantly told us that she was 10 pounds under weight, but there was nothing we could do. We fed her and she ate, but she never stopped running. I guess she was always concerned with her figure.

Finally, one day during the summer, dad told us all that she ran off, which she was prone to do, and we never saw her again. I’m sure he sent her off to some farm or something, maybe the SPCA. Sometimes I miss that dog, watching her run in circles, over and over and over and over…


3.


Speaking of my dad, he used to take me to all kinds of awesome things when I was a kid. Thinking back on it, he took me to ball games all the time, concerts and even wrestling shows. Every time the WWF (that’s World Wrestling Federation, not World Wildlife Fund, this was years before THAT lawsuit) came through, my dad would take me down to the Coliseum to watch a night of slams and clotheslines. Once we had to get tickets off of someone outside the venue, that was my first time dealing with ticket scalpers.

But the tickets were good ones, we were about ten rows from ringside, right along the aisle where the wrestlers came out to go to the ring. That was the first time I had ever been that close to the action. This happened right after the Undertaker had debuted and when I first saw him live, I’ll never forget how much of a presence that man had, even still to this day. He definitely pulled off the part to perfection. He wrestled “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan and destroyed him.

Also that night, behind us by a couple of rows sat George “The Animal” Steele, dressed up in a nice suit. Apparently he was just hanging out for the night. We also got to watch Sgt. Slaughter wrestle. This was about the time he was a good guy, because after he won everyone was all excited. I ran to the aisle and saluted him as he left the ring carrying the American Flag. He saluted me back and shook my hand. His hand was the size of a three year old. And sweaty.

That was just one of many wrestling gigs my dad took me to. We often finished the night at White Castles. He also took me to see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live at the Gardens. They performed this awesome play in front of us while scattering their hit songs all throughout. Their songs could be purchased on cassette from any Pizza Hut, called “Coming Out Of Their Shells”. I had a copy, and listened to it a million times. I wish I still had it. They even had a VHS release of the show…

Oh god that’s gay. I think I’m glad I don’t have the album any more.

Dad also took me to see the Reds play a lot at the old Riverfront Stadium. Nothing could ever replace the memory of seeing that green ball field as you walk through the doors and into the seating area. That same field you had seen so many times on TV, and oh how TV did it no justice. Being there, nothing will ever beat that. Thanks, dad.


2.


Seems like I’ve spoken on this before, but I will again. When I was a kid my step sisters and I, usually just Brandy and I, would create ways to destroy the house and property it sat on just to keep ourselves entertained.

It was hot in the summer and we didn’t have that fancy A/C to keep us cool, so we had to find ways to do that ourselves. While my dad and her mom were at work, we would take our garbage cans to the front yard, yes, to the front so all of our neighbors could see just how trashy we were (pardon the pun, seriously), we would fill them up with water from the hose, and we would each jump in one and sit in it. That’s how we went swimming. We’d stay in it until we got bored and we would climb out, flood the front yard by emptying the cans there, and put them back.

We would also take the hose to the back yard, which was mostly a hill down and away from the house, and we would flood the hill so that it got as muddy as possible. We would then slide down it, and then fight each other while trying to climb back up it and be the first to the top. By the end of the day we would waste hundreds of gallons of water and we would both be completely covered from head to toe in mud.

Also, the grass never got to grow on that hill. Dad was pissed. Sorry, dad.


1.


I don’t know why I thought of my dad so much tonight, but it worked out for some good stories. Here’s another. We collected food stamps when I was a kid, and back then it wasn’t on a debit card, it was actual money looking food stamps, of the paper variety. When my step mom was out of work, each day she would give us kids a couple dollars a piece in food stamps and we would walk down the street to the local penny candy store, the name of which I’ll never remember, and we would spend all of our food stamps on candy.

100 Swedish Fish in a paper bag, straight out of a big glass container with a scoop, for a dollar. What a great country we lived in.

We’d also get Chick-A-Sticks, bubble gum that tasted like root beer, and 2-liters of pop that we would drink on the way home. We would be loaded up. Then we’d go home, swap candies, have a good time, get all sugared up and run around like wild kids for a couple of hours until we all crashed and my step mom had a peaceful afternoon. That happened every day back then.

Back then, I also collected Dinosaurs Attack! cards, also from the same place. I never got them all, and one day I vow to collect them all once and for all. A friend of mine from school not only had collected all of them, but he had multiples of the ones I needed. But he never gave them to me. What a dick.

Tim Burton was going to make a movie based off of this but didn’t when a similar movie came out. Instead he made Mars Attacks!

There was also another store we would go to that was just around the corner from the penny candy store, I think it was called Tom’s back then. Not sure. Anyway, we would go in there with food stamps some times and we would buy Burples (remember those?), Now And Laters (which we called “ny-a-laters”, and cans of macaroni and cheese, which turned out to be the nastiest shit on earth in a can. Still is.

Years later that particular store had turned into some sort of gang base of operations, while the store acted as a front. Police raided it for some reason only to find hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of semi-automatic weaponry in the back in boxes. I think they also found a ton of hard drugs as well. Awesome.

The penny candy store closed and never reopened as anything else. It’s still closed.


0.


Well, this was fun. Maybe I’ll do it again some time. Or not.

Famous Relatives You Probably Never Heard Of

In this day and age, there are millions of celebrities out there from every walk of life as well as in every form of “art” that can produce a celebrity. From bands to actors to painters to whatever, they are everywhere. Only a select few from the group will stand out and be a household name. But they aren’t alone in life. Chances are good most of them are related to someone who is also trying to be famous but not doing as well as their richer, more famous brother or sister or mother or whatever.

I can only cover a few, and these are just those that I know of. I’m sure there are plenty more out there who deserve to be noticed (or not mentioned ever), but I’ll only focus on those I know, for now, mostly because I don’t feel like doing any research.


1. Pamela Springsteen



You should already know who this chick is related to. Rock star Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen has been jamming out to fans for decades, and his epic shows and lack of a desire to end his shows at a decent time have earned him the nickname “The Boss”. He’s not only recorded his own memorable songs over the years, but he’s also written songs for other bands as well that have become hits, such as Blinded by the Light recorded by Manfred Mann and Because the Night recorded by Patti Smith.

In 1982 Bruce’s sister, Pamela, decided to get into acting and she did an episode of The Fact’s Of Life. That same year she portrayed Dina Phillips in Fast Times At Ridgemont High. In 1988 she earned the lead role in a popular underground horror movie franchise, Sleepaway Camp, starring in parts two and three as Angela Baker/Johnson. She murders a whole lot of people in awesome, disgusting ways.

In the scene below, you’ll see the first fifteen minutes or so of Sleepaway Camp 2. It’s a favorite of mine, just like the first and third, but you’ll see Pamela as camp counselor Angela. You should know before watching that there are some deaths in the first fifteen minutes, some gory bloody stuff, and there’s also titties, so don’t watch this at work, or at least don’t get caught.

Hey, that’s Pamela right there in the still frame of the clip, with the play button right on her shoulder.

But in real life, Pamela is a professional photographer. It’s a shame she hasn’t acted much since portraying the murderingly luscious Angela, in fact, she only did two projects after Sleepaway 3 and the last one was in 1990. For whatever reason she decided to get out of acting, I’m sure it was a good one.

Her photography includes stills of famous people as well as album covers for a bunch of artists you’re sure to know, like these…

Those are just a few of the ones she’s done. You can view all of her stuff at her website, pamelaspringsteen.com.


2. Renee Estevez



I bet you can’t figure out who Renee is related to… Okay, you win. She’s the sister of funny-men and all around good-guys Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. She’s an actor just like the rest of her family, only she’s not as well known although she’s been in some things you’ve probably seen. She was an underage hooker in Lethal Weapon, Max in the “Babies Having Babies” episode of the CBS Schoolbreak Special, and Becky in the “A Question About Sex” episode of the ABC Afterschool Special. Oh yeah, she was also Lieutenant Crandall / P.O. Daniels on JAG and Nancy on The West Wing.

If you watch the above scene of Sleepaway Camp 2, you’ll see Renee acting alongside Pamela Springsteen. She plays Molly and her first line is at 7:02, where she asks, “Hey, where’s Phoebe?”

Anyway, she’s a cutie and should probably do more naked scenes, except she hasn’t done anything in a couple of years, so maybe she’s done. Hopefully she’s just taking a break.

Here she is again with Pamela Springsteen…

Estevez – Springsteen

You can check out more of her at her website, renee-estevez.com.


3. James Young


This one is a little more obscure, especially since I don’t have a photo of him. I really don’t even have any more on him than this… he was the original (I believe) drummer for the Australian hard rock band The Poor. He’s also the nephew of Young brothers Malcolm and Angus from AC/DC.

I found this out back in 1996 when I went to see The Poor open up for AC/DC and there was an article about the tour in a magazine. They brought it up then.

The Poor is still around and putting out good music. Their debut album “Who Cares?” was a great rock album, which I own and still rock out to, and their new stuff isn’t too bad either. They had disbanded for something like 10-15 years before just recently getting back together in the last couple of years. Check them out if you like an AC/DC type rock band, thepoor.com.au. I don’t believe James is with them anymore and I don’t know if he’s up to anything at all.


4. Chester Hanks



Once again I’m sure you can tell just by the name who this celebrity is a relative of. Tom Hanks is a world famous actor of many many memorable movie and television roles over the last thirty or more years. He has produced several offspring, one son named Colin Hanks, who you might remember as the lead role Shaun Brumder in the comedy Orange County, opposite Jack Black. He also starred in two shows that never did any good.

Tom Hanks’ other son is Chester Hanks and Chester is a college student as well as a rapper. His only real notable song is “White And Purple” that he does under his street name Chet Haze. You can listen to the song below, although I really don’t suggest you do.

I’m sure Tom Hanks has other kids, I mean he’s Tom Hanks. He gets tang all the time. In any case, these are the four celebrities I know of that are related to other, more famous celebrities.

5 Shipwrecks You Probably Never Heard Of

With Titanic monopolizing the shipwreck category in every way, including the current 100 year anniversary celebrations going on, it’s hard to believe that there were other ships that met their untimely demise in much the same way. They were either hit by something or hit something, and they sank.

“Who cares?” you might ask. I’ll answer that with another question… “if you can care so much about the Titanic, where are the celebrations for these other ships?”

It’s all of the Titanic’s hogging of the spotlight that undoubtedly coined the term “showboating”.

Naturally there have been hundreds, if not thousands of shipwrecks over the years. It’s amazing the oceans aren’t full of scrap metal now so much that sailing across them would be impossible, but as it is, there’s a lot of room under the sea for plenty more ships. You think global warming is raising the ocean? I think it’s all of the ships bottoming out.


5. The Mary Rose


This ship was built between 1509 and 1511 and was a favorite ship of King Henry VIII. He probably married and killed a few of his brides on it.

Artists rendition of what The Mary Rose looked like.

The Mary Rose sailed for a while and had a long and successful career. But she sank in 1545 accidentally, while hanging out during an engagement with the French fleet.

Found in 1982 by the Mary Rose Trust, a lot of her artifacts are now on display in the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard.

So where’s her celebration? Last year was the 500th anniversary of when she set sail, but I never heard a thing on the news. This year is the 30th anniversary of her recovery, but there sure wasn’t a weekend-long PBS special on TV about her. So what gives?

Nobody knows for sure exactly how many people lost their lives when The Mary Rose sank, but estimations are set right around 2 billion.


4. The Estonia


The Estonia was built in the Meyer Werft shipyard in Germany and sunk recently in 1994. On September 28th to be exact. Funny, every year on September 28th I don’t see a thing in the national news papers about it…

Picture taken just before she hit an iceberg.

The Estonia sank in the Baltic Sea in one of the worst maritime disasters of the 20th century, being the deadliest sinking in the Baltic Sea in peacetime, costing 852 lives. Do you think in 2014 we’ll hear about a 20 year celebration to worship those who lost their lives aboard The Estonia? I doubt it.

From Wikipedia: The casualties “had an immense impact on the world concept of ferry safety” and led to changes in safety regulations and liferaft design much as the Titanic disaster did in 1912.

Well obviously those changes the Titanic brought upon safety regulations for ships were just slightly off, because they didn’t help The Estonia at all.


3. The Vasa


The Vasa is an older ship, built in the 17th century. Just like the Titanic, it sank on its maiden voyage, only The Vasa traveled just one nautical mile before sinking. So yeah, it was a huge failure.

"One nautical mile Titanic! Suck on that! I didn't even hit an iceberg!" - The Vasa

So how far is a nautical mile? Since it’s a nautical thing and means nothing to the rest of the real world, I’ll enlighten you. One nautical mile translates roughly to thirty standard feet, or ten yards. I’m sure that’s right. I didn’t even look it up.

And WHY did The Vasa sink? It was literally built to. Back in those days, people just built ships for the hell of it, whether they knew what they were doing or not, and The Vasa was built by some dude who had less nautical experience than a cat.

So now she’s been raised and dusted off and you can go check her out anytime you want. Just plan a trip to Sweden to see her museum in Stockholm. You can be one of the 29 million people who have visited the museum since 1961.


2. The Sultana


A Mississippi River steamboat built in 1863 by the John Litherbury Shipyard in Cincinnati, The Sultana was being used to transport POWs from the Union army back home after the American Civil War and made regular trips from St. Louis and New Orleans.

Despite what the picture might make you think, there actually were no colors in 1865. Colors didn't happen until the 1960s.

One fateful night in 1865, the ship’s boiler blew the fuck up and destroyed the ship, killing everyone on board. The explosion could be seen for miles, probably.

Because of the non-existent awesome ship-codes that the sinking of the Titanic brought upon fifty years later, over 1,800 innocent people lost their lives. Sucks to be you Titanic, you only killed 1,517! The major death toll is what gave The Sultana the tag Titanic of the Mississippi, even though The Sultana sank fifty years before the Titanic did. Way to go, jackasses. Shouldn’t we be calling the Titanic the Sultana of the Atlantic?

The ship was brought back from the dead in 1982 when it was discovered in a fucking soy bean field. Apparently the flow of the Mississippi River has changed course a few times since 1865, and the ship was found 4 feet under the field.

No tours of its stuff are currently going around. But I’m sure you don’t need one, what with all of the Titanic’s shit on display everywhere all the time, right?


1. The Carpathia


Talk about irony. The Carpathia was the ship that came to the Titanic’s rescue when it went down like a paid-off fighter in a Don King fight.

Lookout! Iceberg! Just kidding. But seriously though, you'll sink too.

She made her maiden voyage in 1903 and then helped out the Titanic in 1912. In 1918 (some sources say 1917), she sank at the hands of a torpedo sent by an Imperial German Navy U-boat during WWI disguised mysteriously as an iceberg.

Amazingly, only five people died while the rest of the people on board, all 275 of them, survived. Even the Captain didn’t go down with his ship.

It was discovered in 1999 by a company known as Argosy International Ltd. and was promptly turned into a casino.

Three Things We Should Have By Now

I’m not going to get all poetic here and say we should have cured AIDS or cancer by now. That’s an entirely different conversation. Frankly, there could have been cures a long time ago, but they make too much money on treating the issues instead of curing them, so don’t expect a cure anytime soon.

No, I’m talking about some awesome products or gadgets that we should have had by now. I grew up watching movies where a guy traveled through time in a Delorean, or in a phone booth. I grew up watching the next generation of the Star Trek gang, flying all over and kicking ass.

While these shows kept our dreams guessing if there would ever be a reality for them, sometimes it seems as if they should have already been. This is 2012 dammit! The year the world is supposed to end! And we haven’t come up with these yet? Let’s get a move on it people!


3. Hoverboards


We don’t freakin’ have these yet? Back To The Future Part 2 gave every kid a dream. Much like the Delorean made us all dream of having a super badass car that could travel through time in the first movie, when the second movie came out the only thing every kid could dream of for the next two decades was a hoverboard.

Those Nike's were pretty badass too.

Suddenly, everyone knew someone who knew someone who had one, but nobody ever saw one. And then mind’s started wandering. Was it possible to make one? How would you make it? Blueprints were drawn, prototypes were built, nothing ever came of it.

And then, as if to tease us, this happened.

Naturally, we haven’t made it to 2015 yet, but we’re only three years away and technology is where it is. Thanks for the replica, Mattel, but I want the real thing dammit! And while you’re working on a real one, fix that pesky problem of going over water…


2. Teleportation


Who wouldn’t love to get beamed? I’m not sure what you think of when you hear that, but what I’m talking about is getting teleported from one place to another in the matter of seconds while your body looks glittery. Who doesn’t want to do that?

Can you imagine how awesome it would be to sleep until fifteen minutes before you had to be anywhere and then all of a sudden (Star Trek/Sci/Fi noises) BLAMMO! You’ve teleported yourself to another planet in a fraction of the time a cab would’ve taken.

I'd totally get beamed every night.

The truth is, this one is close. We have the ability to teleport, which we do every time we turn on our TV. Those waves have come from a broadcaster, which sends bajillions of tiny images through the air and then our TV collects those broadcasts and puts them all together and displays it like it’s supposed to be. Unless it’s broke, in which case you should buy a new TV.

Apparently the reason we haven’t teleported ourselves yet is because we don’t want to die. I found this on HowStuffWorks.com:

In 1993, the idea of teleportation moved out of the realm of science fiction and into the world of theoretical possibility. It was then that physicist Charles Bennett and a team of researchers at IBM confirmed that quantum teleportation was possible, but only if the original object being teleported was destroyed. This revelation, first announced by Bennett at an annual meeting of the American Physical Society in March 1993, was followed by a report on his findings in the March 29, 1993 issue of Physical Review Letters. Since that time, experiments using photons have proven that quantum teleportation is in fact possible.

Really cool. So that was almost 20 years ago. Why hasn’t this happened yet? Hurry up people! I got places to go!


1. Light Sabers


I’m not a huge Star Wars fan. I haven’t seen every movie and I would never stand in line at the theaters for days on end, dressed like my favorite character (Jar Jar Binks, of course) just to see a movie on opening day. However, if I said I never wanted a Light Saber, I’d be a lying bastard.

Light Sabers are awesome! Who doesn’t want to carry a tiny little flashlight type object around all the time and then as soon as someone pisses you off you pull it out, turn it on and watch a four foot laser shoot out of the top of it in any one of your favorite retro colors? I know I do!

Pew pew! Wait, wrong noise...

Just how cool would it be if these were real? I mean, it IS 2012 after all.

There are products out there that claim to be real life Light Sabers, but they’re just pocket lasers that you can use to catch anything on fire or kill someone. And they come in cool colors. They do look like the real thing, except they’re not for one crucial element.

The reason we’ll probably never see an actual Light Saber made is, we can’t make a laser stop itself after only going so far. So instead of having a four foot beam shoot out of the handle, it would continue on forever. And if a tiny laser beam is strong enough to start a fire, can you imagine what a beam as wide as a Light Saber’s would do? Especially if it were never ending instead of just four foot long?

It’s pretty safe to say that we’ll never see a Light Saber, but damn how I want one!

5 Things You Think About (While Taking A Crap)

First of all, for shits and giggles (no pun intended), I still say you’re not taking the crap anywhere, you’re leaving it somewhere. But for all intents and purposes, we’ll keep up with today’s slang of taking your junk and leaving it in someone else’s trunk.

I’m sure all men who take their craps think about a million different things. After all, this is their alone time. Even for a hermit who loves to see people like New Orleans loves to see a hurricane, taking a shit is still their alone time. It’s when all men sit down on their throne, and embark on many adventures inside their head.

Women, on the other hand, I know nothing about. I polled no women for this post. So who knows, maybe they think of these things as well.

For men, however, here is a list of five of the millions of things they think about while on the john, at any given time.


5. Writing a blog piece about shitting


I was sitting on the throne the other day and I came up with this idea. I mean, how many times has this topic been taken on? I’m sure not many.

I actually think about this one a lot because the idea is a good one, but I don’t want to fuck it up, you know? So I think a lot about it. Naturally this means I shit a lot. These are all true things.

Sometimes I go take a shit just so I can think about this one blog post. I know, I must not have a lot going on in my life if I schedule shits in my day just so I can write about this topic once. What can I say? I’m dedicated.


4. Writing a series of blog pieces


You can go to some blogs where this particular thing happens a lot. Like the Stuph Blog, for example. They have a whole series of posts there that come directly from the throne. Check those out. You’ll get a whole lot of direct-from-the-source examples of exactly what men think about while taking a shit.


3. Sports


Let’s face it, the game is on, you’ve eaten a ton of game-day snacks, and after the final buzzer has sounded and everyone has gone home, those spicy nachos and BBQ mini-wieners are coming back with a vengeance. You head to the head and you begin delivering your children to the pool. The only thing on your mind? How much your ass is burning. What do you do? You compare it to the game you just watched.

Two different things can be said in this time, depending on how the game turned out.

Your team won: “Oh God my ass! At least my team won!”
Your team lost: “Oh God my ass! It sucks just as much as my team!”

Even if you don’t talk to yourself in the bathroom, you’re still going to be thinking about the game, and chances are good you’re going to be comparing it. Don’t judge me, I’m not the only one.


2. The Water Bill


If things have gone well, you’ll probably have to flush several times. Now, you may be thinking that things can also go horribly wrong and you’ll need a courtesy flush or two just to get through it, and I understand that. It just all depends on how you decipher the term “gone well”.

I don’t mind a courtesy flush in public restrooms because the owner of the restroom is covering the water bill. Hell, I don’t even mind them at home so much just for the cooling breeze caused by the swirling water beneath my ass, helping to soothe the inferno BM caused by the dozen hot wings I just shoveled into my gullet. Now I know where the prestige of owning a bidet comes from.

But that water usage at home can add up. So what do you do? One thing’s for sure, don’t stick a brick in your toilet’s reservoir. Experts have said that’s not good for the normal operations of your toilet. Basically, with less water you have less pressure, and less pressure means your shit isn’t being swept away like it should be, which could potentially lead to backups. And do you really want your shit backing up?

So don’t worry about that bill. It’s gotta get paid one way or the other. Go ahead and courtesy flush yourself to ecstasy. Nobody is going to stop you.


1. Their out of control dreams


Every man does this. They get their ten minutes to be alone with their thoughts, and they come up with some amazing shit. Again, no pun intended.

Also, you can take shorter or longer in the bathroom, I used ten minutes as an average. I typically take half hour shits, just to make sure everything comes out nicely. That and I really enjoy my alone time.

Besides, I have a ton of crazy dreams to go through. What if I had a different job? What if I had made different choices in my life? What am I going to do when I win the lottery? What kind of cars would I like in my collection? How many acres of land would I purchase? How big would I want my swimming pool? What if I built a space ship resembling the Heart Of Gold and could travel to the furthest regions of space and be the first person to discover alien life?

The thoughts, the questions, the dreams are endless. Every man does this. Hell, I’m sure even women do this one. But whatever the case, chances are good that your mind is going while you’re shitting. You have that time to yourself, so why not multi-task?

With all of this said, what do you think about most while shitting?

5 Roles Allen Covert Played (That You Probably Don’t Know)

A simple look on IMDB will show you what roles any actor has played in, and Allen Covert is no different.

From Grandma's Boy

Typically, Allen is a co-star for the widely popular and hugely successful Adam Sandler, although he’s done his own good in movies he’s written and acted in, such as Grandma’s Boy and Strange Wilderness.

He’s a mainstay in the Happy Madison Produced movies and you’re sure to recognize him in each. However, here’s a list of other things he’s done that you might not know, regardless if you’ve seen the movies or not.


5. Roseanne


Sure it was only one episode, but this is only the second thing he’s listed as being in on IMDB, with his only acting credit before that being in Adam Sandler’s first movie, Going Overboard. Let’s not forget that George Clooney starred on Roseanne for quite a while. The show made stars, is what I’m saying.


4. Airheads


Remember that Steve Buscemi, Brendan Fraser, Adam Sandler movie about a rock band who locks themselves in a radio station until they play the band’s tracks? Covert was in this one as well as one of the cops.


3. Happy Gilmore


Of course you’re thinking “well, it’s a Sandler movie, of course he’s in it” and you would be correct. But do you know where? As it turns out, Covert was Sandler’s windshield cleaner/caddy. He’s got the big beard that he washes in the pond, and he suggests that there’s a slight angle on the ground when he’s missing a shoe…


2. Bullet Proof


A movie with Damon Wayans and yet again Adam Sandler. Sure, Covert made an appearance as Detective Jones.


1. Late Last Night


A personal favorite of mine, Late Last Night is a movie starring Emilio Estevez and Steven Weber about those two who go out for a night on the town to get over Estevez’s recent split with his wife. Estevez goes to a party with Weber at one point, where he runs into Covert doing drugs and partying like everyone else. It would seem that Covert was preparing for Grandma’s Boy early.

L to R - Weber, Estevez, Covert

I’m a fan of Covert, obviously, or I wouldn’t have written a blog post about him. I think he should definitely star in more movies, although he’s great at what he does best, and that is co-star in some very memorable roles.

Top 10 Movies

I’m a huge fan of movies. I grew up in a time when VCR’s were in almost every household. I didn’t have one as a kid, but the house where I was babysat at had one and every week my friend who lived there and was my age would show me a new piece of movie awesomeness that I would never have seen otherwise. While my dad would take me to see the newest Superman movies out at the time in the theater, and my mom would every now and then take me to see the new Disney flick, my friend Paul would show me some of the best movies, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Ghostbusters, to name a few.

When I was nine or ten my dad bought our family the first VCR we ever owned, and with it, rented movies. The first two we rented were Beetlejuice and Harry and the Hendersons. Later we’d get cable with HBO and we would record a ton of movies, namely Dirty Dancing (which my sisters insisted I watch a million times with them which crazily is why I like it now), the Goonies, and just about every Freddy and Jason movie that was out there at the time.

Because I grew up in a time when watching movies was about the only past time you could have with your family (aside from going out and doing things outside), I now have a love for watching movies. And because I have this love, I’ve seen a lot of them. Sadly not as many as I’d like, but still a bunch. Without further ado, here is my list of my top 10 favorite movies of all time.


10. Freddy vs Jason


Two colossal giants finally met each other in an epic showdown of the ages. The rumor of this movie had been around for upwards of two decades before it finally became reality, and when it did, it didn’t disappoint.

The movie had a great story line, considering the topic, actors who fit the bill for either one of the headliners’ solo flicks, and the perfect meshing between two of the most well known, iconic motion picture characters in the world. People who have never seen one of their movies know exactly who they are. Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees came together on screen and made a statement about how all horror movies should be made.

When they finally clashed, those watching the movie couldn’t breathe as the two gave each other all they had, facing off against an enemy the likes of which they had never faced before. Everyone watching had a favorite and wanted him to win, and when it was all said and done, I think everyone was satisfied with the classic ending. I was. This was one of few movies I’ve ever been to where the audience applauded at the end, loudly.

I rooted for Freddy.


9. Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers


Following the first release which caused a major buzz amongst movie-goers due to its brutality and disturbing yet classic ending, Campers picks up several years later when female serial killer Angela is released from the mental hospital, rehabilitated and ready to live amongst regular people. She takes a job as a camp councilor at a camp located just miles down the road from the camp in the first movie which had been shut down due to the horrible slayings in the first movie.

She feels that she is completely refreshed and capable to do the job, except her mean streak is nowhere near from gone. While she loves the good kids at the camp and is truly a people person, she absolutely detests any wrong doing or any “bad” behavior and she uses violence and death as a way to teach the wrongdoers their lessons.

Even though the second and third installments of this series were done by someone other than the man who created the first, they were two of my favorite horror movies of all time and, while they weren’t done by the original guy they were still done, basically, based off of his writings on possibly doing a sequel, which he didn’t get around to.

The deaths in the movies are disturbing and horrific, not to mention extremely creative, which is what I love most about the movies. In the second and third movies, there’s no doubt about who the killer is, and the fact that it’s a woman who doesn’t stalk anybody, rather, mingles with everybody, is what makes this movie and this series extremely awesome.

A fourth was finally made recently called Return to Sleepaway Camp. It was done by the guy who did the first movie, and he totally went around the second and third movies, making the fourth as if those two had never been made. I didn’t care for it as much as a movie, and because he ignored the second and third movies with it.


8. The Blues Brothers


This is how Saturday Night Live movies should turn out. A classic all the way through. The sequel wasn’t great at all, so let’s not even bring it up.

In this movie you have two comedic geniuses working together to bring us comedy in its purest form. John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd came together to give us a silver screen rendition of something they did seriously as a real band.

That’s right, the two got together and recorded songs as the Blues Brothers’ Show Band and Revue and released an album, Briefcase Full of Blues in 1978. Their band was the same group of guys you saw in the movie.

This movie also had a full line up of stars in the backing roles, such as Carrie Fisher, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, John Candy and many others.

Aside from the hysterical comedy, this movie is also chock full of great music, great performances by some of the legends in music, and they destroy more cars in this movie than during the entire run of the Dukes Of Hazard TV show.

If you can watch this movie without laughing or jamming to the tunes, check yourself for a pulse. Also, a TV show is in the works. Let’s hope it’s better than the movie sequel.


7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors


To me this is just the best of the series. I can’t say why, exactly, other than there are a lot of interesting deaths in it and overall it’s just a sensory overload on coolness. Most of the Freddy movies are, though. Visually fun to watch, if you can handle how horrorific it is.


6. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom


This is the first Jones movie I ever watched, when I was just a wee lad. I loved the movie so much I got myself a whip and taught myself how to use it. I got pretty good, too. While I couldn’t use it to latch onto something over head and swing with it, I did snatch my little sisters handlebar with it and yanked her bike out from underneath her while she was riding it. I got in a lot of trouble for that. It’s okay though, cause when she got up and started to run into the house crying, I snapped her in the ass with my whip just as the screen door closed behind her. I lost my whip that day. Had I not, I’d be a famous whipster right now.


5. Grandma’s Boy


The newest movie on this list, this has easily earned itself a spot on my top ten favorites of all time. The movie is hysterical, donning a cast of co-stars in leading roles. Produced by a company started by yet another Saturday Night Live star, Grandma’s Boy is a movie that shows even the co-stars can put out a quality movie that competes with the big dogs.

Allen Covert (co-stars in every Sandler movie ever), Linda Cardellini (Scooby-Doo), Peter Dante (see Allen Covert), Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family) in one of the greatest roles of her career, Kevin Nealon (SNL, Weeds), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond), Nick Swardson (Reno 911!), Jonah Hill (Superbad) all make up a hugely recognizable and unforgettable cast.

The movie works on all levels and is such a genuinely funny movie that any comedy coming out in the future will have a hard time topping it. This is a movie I can watch countless times (and have) and never get bored with it.


4. Beetlejuice


The first movie I ever got to watch on my very own VCR, this movie is another classic and it showcases the very funny side of Michael Keaton. With a great cast and great writing, this movie showcases the darker side of raunchy comedy. This will always be on my play list of great movies.


3. The Great Outdoors


Yet another Dan Aykroyd classic. This time he’s an asshole who wrecks his family’s vacation by bringing along his own family. This is a movie that shows just how great some movies can be when they rely on great writing and acting to pull it off instead of a ton of CGI. John Candy pulls a great performance in this one as well, because, well, he’s John fucking Candy.


2. Ghostbusters


I just realized something. Dan Aykroyd has now shown up on this list three times (Blues Brothers, The Great Outdoors). That says something about the man, don’t you think?

If you don’t know about Ghostbusters by now, you just aren’t a person who knows anything about movies. This is probably, arguably, the greatest comedy of all time. Along with Indiana Jones, this is another movie I got to watch as a wee lad while being babysat. What a great movie this is. And how could it not be? The cast alone is awesome. And two of the guys in the awesome cast wrote it.

The movie made legends out of Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis, Annie Potts and of course Ernie Hudson. If you’ve never seen it, stop what you’re doing and watch it. Just do it. Now. And even if you have seen it, finish reading this blog post and then go watch it. I am.


1. Flashback


“Once we get out of the eighties, the nineties are going to make the sixties look like the fifties.” What insight the writer of the movie had to come up with a line like that. Because the movie came out in 1990 and was set in 1989. And the line turned out to be pretty damned true.

The movie is a moving one, pitting a 60s radical, Huey Walker (Dennis Hopper) against an FBI agent John Buckner (Kiefer Sutherland) who happens to be a run-away hippie. With gigantic shades of comedy mixed with a gripping story and classic music alongside an eclectic cast, Flashback is one of the greatest movies of all time, in my humble opinion.

Keep in mind there are a ton of other movies that are all awesome in my opinion, I only had room for 10 on a list of 10. So there they are, in all their splendor. What’s your list?