Tag Archives: beefy ecards

Beefy Ecards: Y U NO WORK FACEBOOK?!?!

I just saw my Facebook Movie, this thing Facebook slapped together for everybody because they’ve been around for 10 years and it’s big news.

Facebook Turns 10
Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

Facebook, the popular social networking site, turns ten years old today.

“It’s big news.” – Myspace

Here’s the one they made for me.

y-u-no-work-facebook

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Beefy Ecards: Bengals In The Playoffs

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Beefy Ecards: Like Dogs

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Beefy Ecards: Give No Fucks

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A List Of Crap You Will See On Facebook In Abundance

I, like most of the modern world, have an account with Facebook and I use it daily. As much as I hate the site, and truly I do, I’m addicted to it and can’t get away from it even if I tried. Hell, I even created my own social networking site to prove that 1) any asshole can create one and 2) it would work better than Facebook, which it did. You may remember it, I talked about it briefly. And then I deleted it because even the people who joined it didn’t use it. I didn’t expect anybody to, really, I just set out to accomplish something, and I did.

Facebook is full of issues that they refuse to fix. Instead, they create new shit for the site that isn’t needed, bypassing those problems that make the site work like shit. They do this all the time. Recently they added a new thing where you can post how you’re feeling alongside your post. I will not use it and I’m surprised anybody does. Yet like sheep flocking together, people will continue to use the bullshit Facebook puts out instead of getting together to get them to fix the shit that needs fixing.

Facebook won’t fix those things that need fixing because they have no need to. They don’t care if the site works properly or not, because they know the sheep who use it will continue to. Just like the WWE, they have no competition to push them to do anything better.

Aside from that, there are some things I’ve noticed over the years that I see all the time, from users, who just don’t get it. Here is a list of things you will see on Facebook at any given time.


Internet Meme’s


These are out of control. There are some people who post nothing but meme’s, leading me to ask the question, why do they have an account at all? These meme’s, while funny sometimes, can be absolutely horrible and lacking in any amount of thought. They can also be extremely redundant, and chances are good that if you see someone post one, you’ll eventually see a dozen other people post it shortly thereafter. So you’ll get a good fill of one particular meme way before it stops showing up. Some that I’ve not only seen many times but am absolutely sick of seeing are…

So-if-guns-kill-peopleGun Meme’s – The one that I’ve seen recently a dozen or more times is the one that points out “if guns kill people then spoons make people fat.” HAHAHA, HYSTERICAL! I got the joke the first time I saw it. Now if you can’t think of something original to say about guns, then don’t say anything at all. Talk about beating a dead horse…

Pat On The Back – People are constantly posting meme’s that talk about how great they are as a dad or as a mom or whatever. Get over yourselves. If you need to be reassured at just how great you are playing a role that billions have played before you, then you probably shouldn’t be that in the first place. One such meme says “Real dads support their kids without the law telling them they have to!” The worst part about these meme’s is, the people who post them can’t be bothered to have that thought on their own and then type it out, they go to a website where someone already made it into a picture or a meme and then they share it to their wall. That’s how much stock they place in that thought or feeling. One click and they’re done with it.

You’ll Go To Hell – Some sick fucker decided to put something bad on a picture, like a starving child or an abused animal, and then they say if you don’t share it you’ll go to hell. I bet God works that way. God has a Facebook account and he’s keeping tabs on everyone who does or doesn’t share a fucking internet meme so that he can make his final decision on where you spend eternity based off of that alone. By that meme’s standards, you can rape four children, murder them, mail their cut up pieces to the parents and then burn their parents houses down, on a daily basis, but if you share one of those meme’s you’re saved and can go to heaven. Jackasses, fuck you.

Share If You Like It – This is by far the one that pisses me off the most. Someone will post a picture or a meme that has something said on it. Regardless of what it says, someone goes out of their way to put on the picture or as a quote underneath it that tells you if you like it you should either “Like” it or “Share” it. OH REALLY?! I had NO IDEA how liking and sharing things worked! Thank you for pointing that out, asshole.
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I’ve made it a point to not share or like anything that fucking tells me to. The best ones are those that tell you to like it if you choose one option, share it if you choose another option, or comment if you choose the third option. Wow… genius… fucking die.


Westboro Baptist Church


Another thing that has recently made its rounds on Facebook are the people who constantly post things about what outlandish thing the Westboro Baptist Church is doing. The Westboro Baptist Church is much like Freddy Krueger. The more you talk about them, the stronger they get. They do these ridiculous things to get their name in the news, because “bad publicity is still publicity.” More people know who they are now than ever before and do you know why that is? Because people keep talking about them and sharing their horrendous antics with everyone. If you let them be and nobody talked about them, eventually they’d go the fuck away. You’re all a bunch of fucking sheep and you’re helping them do their dirty work, even if you’re bashing them for it. Congrats, you’re a douche.


Donations


Yet another thing pissing me off constantly on Facebook, and it previously made its way around Myspace, are those things that tell you if you share the picture and story that goes along with it, someone will donate money for each share. It’s been covered before by other people, but let’s get one thing straight. NO THEY FUCKING WON’T. Get it through your god damn heads now. And the biggest reason is, there’s no way possible to track how many times something gets shared.

oversize-stomach-hoax

If you really want something to have money donated to it, donate to it yourself. That’s the only way to be sure money is being donated to something. Sharing a picture on Facebook… just think about it for a minute. Does it make sense to you? Do you honestly think Facebook is going to donate a dollar every time someone shares a certain picture? Of course they’re not. Because they’re a big company and if they wanted to donate money to something, they’d just fucking donate money to it. They wouldn’t make it a game.

All of those things that say someone is going to donate money to something isn’t just playing on your gullible tendencies and your human emotions, but they’re also blatantly making fun of those things they’re talking about that might actually need donations, but aren’t going to get them. “Each time someone shares this picture of a starving kid in Africa, Microsoft is going to donate $1 to help them eat.” Just the fact that Microsoft isn’t actually going to donate anything to them is a huge slap on the face to those starving kids in Africa, thus making that post a giant joke. If you think animals being mistreated is horrible, don’t share any story saying someone will donate money to them for a share. You’re doing absolutely nothing to help the cause and instead are actually making fun of it. Way to go, loser.


One Word Status Updates


This one really pisses me off and it’s something that probably shouldn’t. I see all the time on Facebook a select number of people will post just one word as a status update. Sometimes they go as far as two or three words. I guess it just seems to me that if you’re going to be bothered to sit down at your computer, or get your cell phone out, and go to Facebook and make a post, why would you do all of that for just one word?

“Tired.”

Yeah, we’re all fucking tired, but we’re not all telling everyone about it. Why stop there? Why not post shit that nobody knows, like “Breathing.” or “Living.”? The best part about those pointless posts is, someone will almost always “like” the status or comment on it. What’s to like or say? The person who posted it didn’t tell us shit.


Pointless Comments


I see this one all the time too and it pisses me off. Someone will make a post, let’s say it’s about playing a video game. Just for shits and giggles…

“I was playing Minecraft earlier and built this awesome thing and now I’m the shit!”

Following that will be a bunch of posts by their friends talking about that post. It’s a conversation about that one particular subject, and that’s basically what a social networking site is all about. But then, inevitably, there will be that one person who responds to it with something like this…

“hey i havent seen u in forevr i miss you i love you!!!”

That has nothing to do with the conversation at all. And it almost always comes from someone who won’t bother to spell anything correctly or punctuate what needs it. What this really says is, “I’m not thinking about you at all, I just happened to notice you posted so I thought I’d tell you I miss you and love you, even though I couldn’t be bothered to go to your wall and post it as a stand-alone topic or send you a private message to tell you. Nor will I call you, send you a letter, an email, or stop by your house to say hi. That’s how much I actually miss and love you.”

Think about it. How would that person sound or look if they were at a party around a bunch of real living people and there was a group of people talking about something specific, and then that person nudged themselves into that conversation, interrupted the conversation to say something that had nothing to do with that subject, and then said nothing else? They’d look like a fucking idiot, that’s what they’d look like. So why is it any different on Facebook? It’s not, yet they’ll never get the hint.

Recently this happened to me. I made a post about something involving my wife and I. After a dozen or so comments about that topic, my wife’s brother posts something very similar to what I posted above, about missing her and loving her. Not to mention he didn’t say anything to me, his brother in-law, and it was on my fucking post he was commenting on. Not only could he not be bothered to go to his sister’s profile and tell her directly that he missed and loved her, but he completely ignored me on MY POST.


Other Stuff


I’m sure I missed a bunch of other stuff that’s always on Facebook, but I had enough of the stuff I listed that I didn’t want to notice anything else. Why do I bother wasting my time on a site that does little else than piss me off? I’m glutton for punishment, apparently. Either way, I like to bitch about stuff and Facebook gives me plenty of fodder for it, so maybe that’s why I torture myself.

Regardless, if anybody finds a better social networking site, let me know about it. I’ll try anything once. Just don’t mention Google Plus, because it sucks. And I’m not going back to Myspace. Maybe one day social networking sites will be a thing of the past and we’ll all have something else to keep us occupied while online. I doubt it, but I can dream can’t I?