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I recently quit my pizza job, so there will be no more Delivery Tales from me. Instead, I’ll offer up interesting stories, if any, from my days of working customer service. My new job is doing that very thing at a gas station.
Tonight was only my second night on the register, and was also the beginning of my second week on the job. I only had to ring up a couple of customers, and this story is about one of them. A younger Mexican guy buying gas and beer.
He came up to the counter, set the beer down, and began looking through his wallet. He then mumbled something that I couldn’t quite understand. I tapped the 12 pack with my hand and asked for his ID. He gave me something that looked like an ID, but I had no idea what it was.
I didn’t understand anything on it other than his birthday, and since it said he was of age I accepted it, even though the card looked like he made it himself out of construction paper. He then said again what it was he had mumbled, and I just barely understood him.
Me: You need twenty on seven?
That was it. So I rang it all up and told him the total, which was just over forty bucks. He handed me a hundred dollar bill, one of those new ones that would be pretty hard to fake. I looked around for a marker to make sure it was real, even though I had no doubt it was, and couldn’t find one.
So he pulled one out of his pocket and let me use it.
This man, who was dressed like he just got done working some sort of construction job outside, pulled out a money checking marker from his pocket. He just happened to travel around with one at all times. Who the fuck does that? I delivered pizza and didn’t do that.
I marked the bill and the mark, like the marker, was black. The last time I used one of those markers it turned black if the bill was a fake, but was normally brown.
I studied the marker and it said it was a bill checking marker, so I accepted the results it had given me.
To recap, a Mexican came in with an ID that looked fake and terribly made, handed me a brand new $100 bill, and gave me his own money checking marker to check the money he had just given me. How legit is that? And I used his marker to check his money like it wasn’t completely pointless to do so.
I went to hand him back the marker and he told me to keep it.
He had his own money checking marker. Obviously he had a need to have one if he’s carrying one around with him at all times. But he told me to keep it, which means he doesn’t just have one, he’s got more at home. That’s pretty serious shit there. Who the hell needs that many money checking markers? Bankers maybe. Maybe he’s a banker. That sounds legit.
After he left I thought about it and realized I had done something terribly stupid. But I’m new, so whatever. I had been using my trainer’s register, so it was logged in under her name. Our policy is that we have to put all 50’s and 100’s in the safe as soon as we get them, so after I realized what I had done, I gave her the bill and told her to drop it, and she did without a second thought.
They’re pretty laid back at my job, so I’m sure nothing will happen because of that transaction. But if I get deported, cause that would happen, you’ll know why.
By now I’m sure you’ve seen the Pun Dog floating around the web…
And of course there’s the Bad Joke Eel…
I love them both. There’s probably a bunch more animals telling jokes, and I’m sure all of them are great. The other day I was hanging out with my dog, he’s a miniature pinscher and his name is Redd. We call him Little Redd Dog so much he probably thinks it’s his actual name. I took some pictures of him and realized I could use some of them to make some pun dog memes of my own, and so I have. I’ve been putting them on my Facebook page, so if you follow that (which you probably shouldn’t, but if you’re here, well…) then you’ve probably seen them. I’ll continue to post them there when they come out, but here’s a couple I’ve done. I’ll also have them here on their own page. If you’d like to share them or pass them around or whatever, you should know how to get them by now.
Here’s Little Redd Pun Dog.