Lately I’ve been looking up on a new favorite actress of mine. Mostly because she’s hot. She’s on the hot-chicks-I’d-totally-bang-hard list.
I first saw her in the zombie flick Zombie Strippers where she played a hardcore army chick who kicks ass.
Then, to keep you from all of the bullshit detail, I found another movie that she was in on Netflix called The Slaughter.
The movie starts with a bunch of hot chicks chanting about this demon chick Ctulha. Then they get naked and offer a very gratuitous amount of boobs. Nice boobs. Then they all begin stabbing something, they never show you what, and they get all covered in blood. Cool.
Then the demon Ctulha rises from the ground and she’s all kinds of hot but she looks like she got smacked in the face with an ugly stick, of dynamite. Then she looks at the leader of the group and…
The leader of the group wakes up in bed. It was a nightmare, apparently. She goes to check on her daughter, who is still asleep. Then she goes downstairs and talks to her husband on the phone. She has a hot accent. She sees blood dripping from the ceiling and runs upstairs to find her daughter has been mutilated by an ax. Awesome.
She gets so terrified she runs down the hall and gets tripped up by ghostly hands that are reaching up from the floor. This throws her over the balcony where she falls from the second floor to the first, getting impaled on a coat rack. It was ironic for me because she totally ran into the coat rack when she first went downstairs and it scared her. So instead of just walking around it she moved it aside. I thought then that it was probably going to come into play later and SURPRISE! It did.
Fast forward 40 years and a bunch of college aged kids are heading there to clean it up so some rich asshole dude can sell it. Then they all get murdered. It’s pretty awesome.
Laura Bach, although I’m not sure what her real name is, is credited in this movie as Laura Stein. Could be Laura Steinbach, which would make sense, but I don’t know. However, in this movie she plays Heather and she’s a whore. Makes sense to me. All girls named Heather are whores. Folks, if you want to assure your daughter grows up to be a whore, name her Heather. I’m positive on this.
Anyway, this Heather chick is hot because she’s Laura Bach. Here’s a view of her after she’s dead and possessed by Ctulha.
By the end of the movie you get to view Ctulha not dead and ugly, but living and hot. She’s played by the gorgeous Adriana Esquivel, who now joins Rogue and Laura Bach on the hot-chicks-I’d-totally-bang-hard list.
One of the characters in the movie is a stoner who is well written and acted. He’s funny as hell and his death is very sick and well done.
There’s also this pussy asshole dude who’s death is cheesy, but very imaginative and gross. Plus, he gets to nail Laura Bach in the movie in a sex scene that is, at the very most, decent, but could have been better. Apparently Laura Bach doesn’t do nude scenes. In this movie, you do get a ton of side boob shots, but no full on shots, and you do get a couple of good ass shots. Still, it’s cool to see some skin on this babe.
When it comes down to the final two living folks, they have a pretty decent banter that is pretty comical. It goes a little something like this.
Dana: I think we lost them. Where’s Alexandria?
Iggy: They ate her!
Dana: So we’re the only ones left?
Iggy: It’s just you and me. Two mere mortals against evil unknown fighting the preternatural powers of a hell spawn succubus!
Dana: FUCK HER! Fuck her and the forces of darkness that created her! Fucking she-bitch from hell. Hateful, evil, murderous bitch with no friends and bad skin! We can DO THIS! What do we have?
Iggy: For what?
Dana: Like, weapons to fight off the supernatural forces of darkness.
Dana: Something holy?
Dana: Spells? Incantations?
Dana: Protective amulets?
Dana: There’s gotta be some type of magic charm to command the evil.
Iggy: I don’t know, man.
Dana: THERE’S ALWAYS A MAGIC CHARM TO COMMAND THE EVIL!
Iggy: That just sounds gay.
Dana: There’s gotta be something. ANYTHING.
Iggy: We got nothing, man. NOTHING.
Dana: And that is the best weapon we have.
Iggy: Wait wait wait, nothing is something?
Dana: A big something.
Iggy: Then we don’t have nothing.
Iggy: We have something.
Iggy: I’m confused.
This conversation goes on and is enjoyable all the way through. A lot of parts of this movie are that way, but then again there are some really badly written parts. There’s also some bad editing and directing, but much like the writing, there are also moments of brilliance in it.
On Netflix this movie has 2 1/2 stars and I felt overall it should have had, the way it is, at the very least 3 1/2 stars. It could have pulled in 4 or more if a little more TLC had gone into the editing and writing. But with the way it is, it’s a really good B-movie with some really good special effects both standard and CGI.
I recommend this movie for anybody who has a love for low budget horror flicks that are done very well. It has a decent creepiness factor as well as decent special effects and death scenes. Check it out.