Tag Archives: weed


Safeway, Man


Delivery Tales: The High And The Mighty

These stories of my pizza delivering job have become a sort of underground hit here in the House o’ Fun, so I thought I’d share a few different stories since nothing really crazy happens enough.

Our delivery area is huge. Technically our range is a six mile radius from our store, but we go well beyond that in all directions. Basically if the customer is willing to take care of the driver, we’ll deliver it. I almost delivered to someone in Lawrenceburg, Indiana one night, which would have been over an hour drive each way. My manager had already told them no and hung up, otherwise I would have done it.

Despite being surrounded by high-end neighborhoods, there is a lot of country areas we go to, and a lot of backwoods places. The guy who tipped me in farm fresh eggs was in one of those places.

Because of this, I go to some really cool places and see some really cool things. Well, cool for me anyway. As a kid my dad and I would often drive around. Gas wasn’t so expensive back then, and it was a way for us to spend time together while not spending a lot of money. We always had fun spending almost an entire day just driving around, usually through the country areas where he grew up. So for me, driving around through the country and seeing places I’ve never seen before is an adventure.

Recently I had the privilege of delivering to this house that sat off of a side street of a side street, back in the woods. The subdivision, if you can call it that, is made up of an entire array of homes, from trailers to double story farm houses and everything in between. I’ve never seen so many different types of houses in one subdivision. They’re all older houses and no two are alike.

The first time I delivered to this house, I found that they lived on a one way road at the back end of this community. It was snowing hard that night and I had a hard time navigating the untreated roads. I thought to myself, “Man, if one of these houses catches on fire, they’re kind of fucked. No fire truck is going to be able to get back here.”

I found the house and had to park on the street since pulling into the driveway would have been disastrous. It didn’t matter, I was the only one in the neighborhood driving. When I got out I saw the house across the street from where I was delivering had burned down.

I told the customer my thoughts on the way in and then how I saw the house across from them and the guy told me how it had just burned down a year ago. I asked why and he said “The fire trucks couldn’t make it in.”

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To Weed Or Not To Weed

Those of you who read this blog should know that I’m a supporter of marijuana and the legalization of it. Or just the decriminalization, I don’t care which. It’s not hard to know, I’ve posted about it before and I got some links around the place that show I support NORML and like-minded groups. And unless marijuana anally rapes my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank I’ll probably always support it, whether I smoke it or not.

Which right now I do not.

You see, I quit a few months back so that I could get a job, and there lies the reason for this post.

I don’t think it’s a jobs business what I do in my off hours, as long as it doesn’t affect my ability to perform at work. Do they care what I’m eating? A shitty diet can lead to disease or impairment that might affect what I do on the job, but nobody’s giving me a pre-employment blood screening for diabetes or cholesterol content. Hell, they don’t even care what it is I eat while there on my lunch break, as long as it isn’t human remains.

I could go on and on with what kind of off the wall, crazy, illegal bullshit I could be doing in my private time and how no job gives a flying fuck about any of it, but I won’t. What I will say is, the fact that any job pre-screens for drugs is bullshit, and here’s why.

I guess I should first clarify that no job should care if anybody smokes weed. It’s not a drug. It’s just not. Drugs are man made. If someone altered some random plant that before did absolutely nothing and then after made you high, then it would be a drug. But marijuana has grown with its properties since before man walked this earth. If dinosaurs knew how to roll a joint they would have been getting high long before us.


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Daily Prompt: Study Abroad

If you were asked to spend a year living in a different location, where would you choose and why?

This one is easy, but I wouldn’t go to study much of anything. The only place in the world that I want to visit is Amsterdam. And you can imagine why.

They have legal prostitution and drug use! At least two of my favorite drugs, I don’t care about the rest.

I would love to try the different strains of weed and magic mushrooms. I can’t lie, I love magic mushrooms. Sure they’re illegal here, but not over there!

The only problem is, I’d probably never come home and then I’d wind up being all messed up and doped out, thus ruining my life. I seriously once looked up apartments near there and was actually thinking about moving there. It’s a good thing I haven’t gone yet and will probably never get the chance, because I need to keep myself mostly clear headed.

Anyway, Amsterdam is it for me. I heard it’s a beautiful place to visit, the weather is almost always in my favorite weather range, and the people are nice. So far I haven’t heard of anything that I dislike about the place.

If I win the lottery, I’m taking a trip there with everyone I know and we’re going to have a great time.

Just Sayin’

While speaking with Leah in the comments section of my Monkees piece, and then speaking with Keith Brogdon on Facebook (Keith was the drummer for one of my favorite bands Bare Jr.) I’ve come to the realization that I love Traffic. They jam and that’s okay by my standards.

I also realized that I’m drunk. This happened after I drank some cherry infused vodka and then some beer.

That brings me up to an interesting thing. I ran out of weed a few days ago and we don’t have the money to get any more. So I’m doing without, mostly also because I need to get a job and those bastards drug test. Earlier on my way to get the beer I stepped outside and apparently just before I did that a skunk had been hanging around and sprayed something. So it smelled like weed outside. God hates me.

But I have (had) pizza Pringles, so everything’s okay. For now.

Also, I’ve been pitching articles to Cracked to see if I can get published over there. If so I’ll do it under another of my pen names, Alan Marsden. So keep a look out there for my article, because they just accepted one of the four I’ve pitched. It’s currently in the Editorial phase right now, which means it very well can still not be picked, but I’m one step closer than I was just moments ago.

When they accepted my pitch for Editorial, they made a drunk man very happy. And with that, I’m just sayin.