Tag Archives: weed

Delivery Tales: The High And The Mighty

These stories of my pizza delivering job have become a sort of underground hit here in the House o’ Fun, so I thought I’d share a few different stories since nothing really crazy happens enough.

Our delivery area is huge. Technically our range is a six mile radius from our store, but we go well beyond that in all directions. Basically if the customer is willing to take care of the driver, we’ll deliver it. I almost delivered to someone in Lawrenceburg, Indiana one night, which would have been over an hour drive each way. My manager had already told them no and hung up, otherwise I would have done it.

Despite being surrounded by high-end neighborhoods, there is a lot of country areas we go to, and a lot of backwoods places. The guy who tipped me in farm fresh eggs was in one of those places.

Because of this, I go to some really cool places and see some really cool things. Well, cool for me anyway. As a kid my dad and I would often drive around. Gas wasn’t so expensive back then, and it was a way for us to spend time together while not spending a lot of money. We always had fun spending almost an entire day just driving around, usually through the country areas where he grew up. So for me, driving around through the country and seeing places I’ve never seen before is an adventure.

Recently I had the privilege of delivering to this house that sat off of a side street of a side street, back in the woods. The subdivision, if you can call it that, is made up of an entire array of homes, from trailers to double story farm houses and everything in between. I’ve never seen so many different types of houses in one subdivision. They’re all older houses and no two are alike.

The first time I delivered to this house, I found that they lived on a one way road at the back end of this community. It was snowing hard that night and I had a hard time navigating the untreated roads. I thought to myself, “Man, if one of these houses catches on fire, they’re kind of fucked. No fire truck is going to be able to get back here.”

I found the house and had to park on the street since pulling into the driveway would have been disastrous. It didn’t matter, I was the only one in the neighborhood driving. When I got out I saw the house across the street from where I was delivering had burned down.

I told the customer my thoughts on the way in and then how I saw the house across from them and the guy told me how it had just burned down a year ago. I asked why and he said “The fire trucks couldn’t make it in.”

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To Weed Or Not To Weed

Those of you who read this blog should know that I’m a supporter of marijuana and the legalization of it. Or just the decriminalization, I don’t care which. It’s not hard to know, I’ve posted about it before and I got some links around the place that show I support NORML and like-minded groups. And unless marijuana anally rapes my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank I’ll probably always support it, whether I smoke it or not.

Which right now I do not.

You see, I quit a few months back so that I could get a job, and there lies the reason for this post.

I don’t think it’s a jobs business what I do in my off hours, as long as it doesn’t affect my ability to perform at work. Do they care what I’m eating? A shitty diet can lead to disease or impairment that might affect what I do on the job, but nobody’s giving me a pre-employment blood screening for diabetes or cholesterol content. Hell, they don’t even care what it is I eat while there on my lunch break, as long as it isn’t human remains.

I could go on and on with what kind of off the wall, crazy, illegal bullshit I could be doing in my private time and how no job gives a flying fuck about any of it, but I won’t. What I will say is, the fact that any job pre-screens for drugs is bullshit, and here’s why.

I guess I should first clarify that no job should care if anybody smokes weed. It’s not a drug. It’s just not. Drugs are man made. If someone altered some random plant that before did absolutely nothing and then after made you high, then it would be a drug. But marijuana has grown with its properties since before man walked this earth. If dinosaurs knew how to roll a joint they would have been getting high long before us.


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Daily Prompt: Study Abroad

If you were asked to spend a year living in a different location, where would you choose and why?

This one is easy, but I wouldn’t go to study much of anything. The only place in the world that I want to visit is Amsterdam. And you can imagine why.

They have legal prostitution and drug use! At least two of my favorite drugs, I don’t care about the rest.

I would love to try the different strains of weed and magic mushrooms. I can’t lie, I love magic mushrooms. Sure they’re illegal here, but not over there!

The only problem is, I’d probably never come home and then I’d wind up being all messed up and doped out, thus ruining my life. I seriously once looked up apartments near there and was actually thinking about moving there. It’s a good thing I haven’t gone yet and will probably never get the chance, because I need to keep myself mostly clear headed.

Anyway, Amsterdam is it for me. I heard it’s a beautiful place to visit, the weather is almost always in my favorite weather range, and the people are nice. So far I haven’t heard of anything that I dislike about the place.

If I win the lottery, I’m taking a trip there with everyone I know and we’re going to have a great time.

Just Sayin’

While speaking with Leah in the comments section of my Monkees piece, and then speaking with Keith Brogdon on Facebook (Keith was the drummer for one of my favorite bands Bare Jr.) I’ve come to the realization that I love Traffic. They jam and that’s okay by my standards.

I also realized that I’m drunk. This happened after I drank some cherry infused vodka and then some beer.

That brings me up to an interesting thing. I ran out of weed a few days ago and we don’t have the money to get any more. So I’m doing without, mostly also because I need to get a job and those bastards drug test. Earlier on my way to get the beer I stepped outside and apparently just before I did that a skunk had been hanging around and sprayed something. So it smelled like weed outside. God hates me.

But I have (had) pizza Pringles, so everything’s okay. For now.

Also, I’ve been pitching articles to Cracked to see if I can get published over there. If so I’ll do it under another of my pen names, Alan Marsden. So keep a look out there for my article, because they just accepted one of the four I’ve pitched. It’s currently in the Editorial phase right now, which means it very well can still not be picked, but I’m one step closer than I was just moments ago.

When they accepted my pitch for Editorial, they made a drunk man very happy. And with that, I’m just sayin.

Marijuana For You

Even though I don’t hide the fact that I support the legalization of marijuana nor the fact that I smoke it, and even though every now and then I make comments about it, I’ve always tried to not get into posting my stance on it because frankly, I don’t know if I’d ever stop typing. But most importantly, when I blog I typically do so with as little editing as possible. I usually post my first draft. If I were to get into posting my thoughts and beliefs on weed, I’d never stop typing for one, and two, I’d have to really get my thoughts in order for it as to make my points without overdoing it and repeating myself. Let’s face it, memory loss is a side effect of weed. If I write for two hours on it, how will I remember in the second hour what I wrote in the first? I might wind up writing the same article twice.

But now we live in a modern age where people are FINALLY getting sick of the prohibition of it and they are doing something about it. They are voting on it to make it legal, and recently of course in Colorado and Washington State they accomplished it and are the first States to ever decriminalize marijuana. Good for them. I hope the rest of the country follows suit. At the very least, get it on the ballots. If you’re so sure your stance against weed will stand firm, then let the rest of your State decide and see what they say. If they agree with you, good for you. If not, then the VOICE OF THE PEOPLE has been heard, just the way it should be no matter what.

And remember, just because weed was made legal in those States doesn’t mean you have to smoke it. If you don’t like weed, just don’t smoke it. No big deal. We don’t care, more for us.

Okay, now I’m already starting to go the route I didn’t want to go, and that’s rambling on the subject. I started this particular blog for one reason, and that reason is this video on Youtube. Watch it and then continue reading, please.

First of all, this is the first time I’ve heard about LEAP (Law Enforcement Against Prohibition) and I’m always happy to find other organizations out for the betterment of the country. It’s no surprise that I think if marijuana were legalized all throughout the nation things would be better as far as that was concerned, so LEAP, thanks for doing what you do.

Second, what really pisses me off is what Carol says around 3:10 in the video. A response on Youtube says exactly what I wanted to say about it.

“If you told your kid that marijuana is dangerous and a gateway drug, you would be lying to your kid.

The host was obviously educated by the reefer madness coalition.

Thanks to LEAP and NORML and all the others who are making a difference!”

Yeah, exactly. If you’re going to lie to your kids to begin with about something you obviously know nothing about, then of course they’re going to be confused! Lies only lead to confusion when seeking the truth.

Now here’s my reason for this blog. Weed is not a “gateway drug”. For starters, it’s not a drug. The government calls it a drug, but that doesn’t make it a drug. A drug is something unnatural, man-made, like Cocaine or Heroin. They might have started off normal somehow, but they were altered to become something worse and addictive.

Marijuana is a plant. It’s been growing on Earth since before man was around, and it will be growing here when we’re all dead and gone. Nothing needs to be done to it to make it what it is, other than letting it grow. You can call it a drug all you want, but you’re kidding yourselves. It’s a plant. It’s green, it has roots a stalk and leaves, and it goes through photosynthesis. It’s a plant.

Now, if it’s not a drug but just a plant, then naturally it can’t be a “gateway drug” because it’s not a drug. It’s a plant. I can’t stress that enough. A “gateway drug” would be Cocaine. If you can do Cocaine and not die, then you suddenly want to try every other drug. Trust me on that. Cocaine is the standard for drug use. If you can pull it off and not OD or have heart stoppage, you feel as if you conquered something and you instantly want to go out and see what else you can conquer.

If you smoke weed, you get the munchies, you lay around and watch Spongebob and you laugh and you feel good. That’s it. Pot doesn’t have the street cred like Cocaine. People know that if they smoke weed, there’s not a chance that they’ll die because marijuana hasn’t killed anybody in the history of man. It’s documented, I’ve posted it before somewhere around here. Alcohol kills, tobacco kills, cancer kills, cars kill, planes kill, weed does not kill. Period.

It’s the media and the government (because who runs the media?) who want you to believe all of the bullshit surrounding weed. That’s how they get their way. They want us to think weed is a drug, so they call it one and like sheep, we go along with it. They want us to believe if we smoke weed we’ll be out the next day giving hand jobs for crack, so we buy into it because they’re our government and they NEVER lie to us about anything.

And for some reason the general public watches each one of our major news networks religiously and follows what they say religiously. The media outlets KNOW THIS. If I knew my readers believed every fucking word I said, you better believe I’d fill their head with lies to get what I want. But I know they don’t. Like a lot of you probably won’t buy into any part of this blog. That’s fine, you can live in the dark ages all you want. I’m here to educate and entertain. You can decide which one this blog is attempting to do.

Regardless if you smoke it or not, or you believe it should be legal or not, you have to agree that it isn’t a drug it’s a plant. As Katt Williams said, “Aspirin is a drug. Take thirteen of them mother fuckers and it will be the last headache you ever had.” Exactly.

With marijuana you get what you signed up for. Everybody knows the side effects of weed. It makes you tired, hungry, and easily entertained. The side effects are laid out there for you from the beginning. Man-made drugs that are legal are not only constantly killing people, but eventually you get an ad that asks if you had taken a certain drug because it has been found to lead to… and then they list a number of horrible diseases or conditions that are worse than the drug helps. And these are conditions that were not known until after people started taking the drugs.

Stop telling your kids lies about weed. Get informed on it first, and then go to them with the facts. I just gave you quite a few of them, so start there. When your kid has questions, you can give them the facts and let them make their own decisions, just like you have, only they’ll be better prepared for them than you were.

I know this, when I was a kid I HATED my dad for smoking weed. I believed the crap about it. I grew up thinking my dad was a criminal and I loathed him for it. But then I smoked it and found everything I had been told negatively about it had been a lie.

The point here is, I found out for myself instead of buying into the shit that there’s nothing wrong with it. Find out for yourself too, and stop lying to your kids.

They’re Trying To Trick You

I was on my way home when I saw a political sign in someone’s yard that said that particular candidate was trying to get into the Senate. And then it had a quote from him, “It’s time to change Washington!” The only thing I could think is, “fuck you.”

I’m not falling for it. I’m not falling for the bullshit tricks that these assholes are trying to pull. Obama said it was time for a change, and did we get one? The only change that came from his presidency is that he’s black instead of white like all of the presidents before him.

And now there’s a trend going on about changing Washington. Asshats, nothing’s going to change now or ever. The Government sucks, just like Washington, just like the laws in this country (most of which can suck a fat one), and just like the assholes in charge. Nothing, NOTHING is going to change. Especially for the better. They talk a big game about changing shit, but once the spotlight is on them, what do they do? They fuck everything up just like the last douche who was in the same position.

The same can be said about Marijuana. There are a ton of campaigns out there telling you how bad it is for you, when in reality the stuff has just been proven to help cure cancer. And no, I’m not trying to trick you.

The problem with people who “hate” weed and those who smoke it is, most, if not all of them, have never smoked it. They have an opinion based off of what they’ve heard from the opposition, and maybe from seeing someone’s life turn to shit because they get high.

Well I got news for you. If someone looks as if they’ve been “deflated” (like the dumbass commercial shows) or they’ve ruined their life because of weed, chances are good that they were dumbass lazy fucks before weed and they just happened to smoke weed. I smoke weed and I’m not a dumbass or lazy. Well, okay, I’m lazy but I was way before I started smoking weed.

I knew a guy in high school, back when I went, who couldn’t pass his classes unless he was high. True story. He failed a test one day when he was running late to school and couldn’t smoke before hand. The next test came up and he aced it, completely stoned.

There are lawyers and doctors and a ton of very smart, and even active people, who smoke weed. Ricky Williams, professional football playing running back, is famous for smoking weed and getting caught by the NFL. Before he was caught, he was on track to break multiple single season rushing records. Doesn’t sound like a lazy do-nothing to me, and he was high all the time.

So if you know someone who’s life was ruined by weed, you actually know someone who’s life was going to suck regardless, and they just happen to smoke weed.

Before you judge something so critically, you should try it first. Get the facts for yourself before passing judgment. That’s why my family can’t say shit about me smoking weed, because they all either still do or used to at some point. And are they bad people? Not at all. When I was a kid, my mom and dad both smoked a ton of weed all the time, and they both held down full time, well paying jobs while they did it.

When I got my first apartment with a friend of mine, she used to get high with me and then clean the fucking apartment. It was her side effect, she absolutely had to clean while she was high.

I know a guy who raises three kids as a stay at home dad, two of which are special needs, and he’s probably the best father I know of just because of that. While he doesn’t smoke anymore, he used to, and he was still just as good a father then, maybe even better.

The point is, marijuana isn’t a bad thing, and I’m not saying that because I smoke it. I’ve also done cocaine before, but I don’t think that’s a good thing. Weed isn’t dangerous, as the naysayers would have you believe. It helps people deal with all kinds of ailments, and it should be treated as a miracle, not an evil.

So before you jump the gun on anything, weed, voting, buying things, do your research, as I’ve said time and time again, and get all of the facts before coming to a conclusion. Don’t let anybody trick you.

Happy 4/20 Everyone!

Now this is a holiday to celebrate.

For those of you who don’t know, 4/20 or even 4:20 is the international pot smoker’s time. Since April 20th is 4/20, it’s turned into a worldwide holiday where tokers have a puff and enjoy what they all have in common.

From what I understand, sometime in the 1970s someone wrote in to High Times Magazine and told of how after classes he and his buddies would meet behind the gym to smoke one and it always happened that they did it at 4:20 PM. Since it was published in High Times, everyone reading suddenly made 4:20 the time to smoke and it’s been that way ever since.

It’s no secret that I like to indulge once in a while, and I am a strong supporter for the legalization/decriminalization of marijuana. Even if a doctor told me (which my past doctor told me he didn’t care that I smoked, but would rather see me stop smoking cigarettes instead) I had to stop or I would die (which I don’t think is possible) I would still be a supporter to have it legalized.

Why fill our prisons with non-problematic people when they don’t have room for murderers and rapists? Why not take Amsterdam’s stance on it? Why keep it illegal if people are still going to do it anyway?

And for the record, weed doesn’t kill.

Now, I could go on and on with my stance, but you’ve got the point. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it and I think we should drop the idea that it’s a drug. It’s a plant, folks. WE create drugs because we created drugs. Before there were drugs, there was marijuana. It’s natural.

In any case, potheads don’t care if you celebrate or not, but you’re welcome to celebrate with us. Just because you don’t smoke doesn’t mean you have to. Just have yourself an awesome day with some awesome friends and leave it at that. That’s all we ask. But don’t hate on us for enjoying ourselves the way we do. It’s our day, dammit!

To help celebrate, I made a play list of tracks to play while I’m celebrating, and I’ll share some of them here with you now if you’re interested in hearing some great tunes about the almighty grass. Here they are, in no particular order.

Once again folks, however you celebrate, just do it safely and have a good time. If you do anything at all for 4/20, let me know!