Tag Archives: xbox 360

Angry Birds Sucks

Yeah, that little tiny game that swept the world with its awesome bird-shooting technology blows hairy nuts. That’s what I’m saying. Apparently I’m not allowed to play it.

Is anybody else having these problems?

The first time I got to play it was on my cell phone, like most of the rest of the world. Only it ran extra slow on my phone and I could just barely play it. The farther I got into the game, the slower it ran until it didn’t run at all. Awesome. I deleted it from my phone and never went back.

And then it came out as an app on Google Chrome. I downloaded Chrome just to play Angry Birds. That was, after all, all I could enjoy about Chrome. The only problem was, there were only a couple of levels on it and after I played them I had nothing to do, so I deleted it.

And then the game comes out on Facebook. “Maybe things will be better,” I think to myself. I join, play through the same fucking levels I had already played through before, dominated them, and then all of a sudden the game stopped loading for me. All I got was a giant white exclamation point telling me there was an error loading the game. Each and every time. So once again, I deleted it.

What’s up with that? I can’t be the only one having issues like that with Angry Birds, right? With the millions (and millions) who play it, there has to be someone else having this issue.

I would buy it for my 360, except I don’t want to get the red ring of death which would no doubt be caused by the game. Apparently, I’m just not allowed to play it. Which is fine by me.

Who The Fuck Is Cee Lo Green Anyway?

Much like Seth Rogan, Cee Lo Green popped up out of nowhere and now he’s everywhere. Also like Seth Rogan, it makes me wonder why.

Don’t get me wrong, I can stand Seth Rogan in small amounts, considering he’s played the same role in every movie he’s been in. I don’t mind it here and there, but I do mind it everywhere.

That’s where Seth stands apart from Cee Lo. I really can’t stand Cee Lo at all. The most fucked up thing about that is, I have no fucking idea who Cee Lo is, and I still can’t stand him at all.

I first heard of Cee Lo, seriously, during a commercial he did for 7Up.

After that commercial I seriously thought “why did 7Up hire this shitty singer guy to do their commercial? Who the fuck is he anyway?” And much like the question I asked about Vanessa Carlton a few years ago (who the fuck is Vanessa Carlton anyway?) I got no good answer, except “he’s a singer”. I kinda figured.

So I’m watching TV and suddenly, there he is again on a commercial for a singing show called The Voice. I find out he’s one of the judges who decides who can sing and who can’t. Alongside him is Christina Aguilara. Together, they judge people on their singing skills. Those two. Those two individuals, Cee Lo Green and Christina Aguilara tell people, in some instances, that they cannot sing. That would be like Seth Rogan telling someone they can’t act.

So then I think I’ve had enough of Cee Lo when all of a sudden, there he fucking is again. I turn on my Xbox 360, connect to Xbox live, and there he fucking is. He’s part of an advertisement for some new feature for Xbox Live.

Jesus holy assed Christ, do I need any more Cee Lo in my fucking life? I declare that I do not.

I ask my wife if he’s done anything to be famous and she told me about his hit song “Fuck You”. Instantly, I find a love for him. I hit up Youtube to listen to this song and while the concept is pretty funny, his singing sucks and I don’t think kids should be in a video with one of them (his younger version) singing along to a song that says the word “fuck” all throughout.

Not to mention he’s now a judge on a prime time family show. And for this show, I did see that commercial, where he’s saying how The Voice will be on directly after the Super Bowl. He says “the whole world will be watching!”

Yes, the whole world will be watching the Super Bowl. After that’s over, they’ll all be going home from the Super Bowl watching party they were at and they’ll be getting pulled over and given a DUI for intoxicated driving and they’ll be missing your shitty singing show.

Game Review: Rage

I picked up a copy of the newest release by id Software and Bethesda, Rage, and first let me say, the game is beautiful.

It’s a well designed, almost flawless game. There are few glitches (currently none) but expect some to be in it, since no game is 100% perfect. It’s got a good story, has a lot of action and some ultra badass baddies.

There’s also a nice selection of voices for the game, like John Goodman who plays, of all names, a guy named Dan.

I’ve totally enjoyed playing the game and look forward to continuing my journey. Currently I’m in Wellspring, for those who have played or will play the game, this is a town that you go to for work and to get missions to further your progression in the game. This is also where you get to upgrade a lot of your stuff, namely, your vehicles.

The only downside, which I just found out via Joe (Porksausage) who just beat the game today, is that when it’s over, it’s over. There’s no free roam option after the game is done, like in basically every game by Rockstar.

This pisses me off to no end. Why would a game developer develop such a gorgeous game and a beautiful world if you can’t go out and enjoy it whenever you want? Just traveling around on the game shows you an awesome world with what seem to be many possibilities for exploration. Once the game is over, you can’t go exploring.

I really don’t know how to feel about that other than to be pissed. I don’t understand it. What would be the harm in having a free roam option? I think it would guarantee those playing the game would continue to play the game. Sure, as it stands it has a high replay value, but if I don’t like not having an option of either replaying the game or just roaming around doing my own thing.

As stated, Rockstar has that ability on their games, like the GTA series or even Red Dead Redemption. When I owned GTA 3, I beat the game and then played it non stop until the game actually destroyed my PS2 and the disc itself. I’ve beaten Red Dead Redemption and still play the hell out of it just doing whatever I feel like. And for both games, I also restarted the game from the beginning while also loading the beaten game and roamed around doing nothing in particular. Why? Because the option was there.

I’ll probably hang onto Rage (which for the record the name of the game doesn’t make much sense cause there’s no Rage at all in the game other than shooting and killing a lot of people, it should have been called Wasteland) and replay the game once I’m done with it, but I don’t think I’ll be hanging onto it much longer than that. I’ll probably trade it in for something else. Until then, though, I will try to get as many achievements as possible before turning it in.

All in all though, I highly recommend this game. It’s a lot of fun, very challenging even on the Normal setting which is what I’m playing it on, and if nothing else it will offer you quite a few hours of entertainment. Joe told me it took him 13 hours to beat the game. I’m looking at my 360 version and the three discs that came with it and wondering though, 13 hours? I was figuring more like 100. Red Dead took about 60 hours to beat and it only had one disc. We shall see. Until then, go pick it up.

Game Review: Dead Island

Last night my wife and I rented the new video game Dead Island from Red Box. We rented it because we don’t have the money to buy a new game, especially at what they cost, and it was a good idea to check it out before spending that kind of cash anyway. I’m glad I rented it first.

I’ve played the game for about 6 hours now and got quite far into it, although there is still a ton more stuff I have to do before I near the completion of it.

The game, as any gamer should know by now, is about a zombie infested paradise island resort and neighboring towns. Forget all of the bullshit extra content/bonus pack zombie games coming out trying to bank off of Undead Nightmare’s popularity. This is a zombie game, not a game that deals with everything else and then adds zombies later. This is a zombie game.

With that said, the game has flaws. All games do, but the flaws in this game bring it down a few notches. I will, however, start with the good stuff.

The game is beautiful. Extra detail was given to almost everything, from the look of the island, to the zombies that infest it. The island is beautiful and makes me wish I was really there enjoying a very expensive vacation. There are plenty of places to go and check things out, making it a very expansive open world game. It’s not as expansive as say, Red Dead Redemption or probably any Final Fantasy game, but it’s not a point A to point B game either like the Left 4 Dead series. I love the Left 4 Dead series, but you are limited to where you can go in it.

You’re limited, too, in Dead Island, but the limits are just based around the perimeter of the game, such as the ocean. You can’t walk out into the ocean, because, well, you’d drown.

The people are all well designed to a point. The women are hot in their bikini’s and the men look real enough. The zombies are all very well designed. They’re gory and evil and dead. Well, undead. The plants look nice and real, the sand looks like sand, the water is pristine and clear and makes you want to go swimming.

Walking off of the beaten path and down to the sandy shore where a ship wreck occurred (you have to go to pick up flares for a mission) and you find yourself in a little hidden oasis that visually, is awesome. I wish I had a case of beer and a lawn chair so I could go there and just chill for a few hours, taking it all in. Instead, there are zombies there trying to eat you. So much for paradise.

As I said, there are a bunch of places to go and a bunch of things to do and see, which makes the game very nice. There are different types of zombies all over, feeding on a bunch of dead bodies all over. It’s pretty cool.

Very early in the game you get to drive vehicles over the island, running into and over zombies and really anything else that’s around. It’s really fun to drive past a zombie slowly who decides to come after you and throwing the car in reverse and only knowing you hit the zombie when a little message pops up showing you’ve gained experience points by harming or killing it.

There’s also a ton of weapons all over the place and you can upgrade them to make them more badass. It’s sort of like Dead Rising 2 that way, you can add things to certain things to make different weapons. They’re more realistic than a boxing glove duct taped to a chain saw, but still awesome.

To replenish your health all you have to do is grab a medipack, which are few and far between and for some reason take up space in your weapon list when you pick one up, replacing a weapon you might have, or you can just drink an energy drink. Lucky for you they are everywhere. And I mean everywhere. It’s almost impossible to die on this game. Almost.

There are some other really good things about the game, such as the language, which is not held back like it is in Left 4 Dead. This is a game meant for adults.

However, there are bad things all over the place. For instance, all of that extra detail spent on most of the game should have been spread out to the whole game. I wouldn’t mind if the landscape looked just a tiny bit less awesome if they would have made the people’s mouths move realistically when they spoke.

This is such a little thing that really isn’t that big of a deal, but it’s still a pain in the ass. When the people in the game talk, their mouths look like they came right out of a PS1 game. Actually, their whole faces do. While designed well and looking real, the faces also come across as robotic and fake. The people’s eyes don’t look anywhere that makes you feel as if they’re really there. While talking to somebody their eyes wander aimlessly around, and sometimes the eyes aren’t looking in the same place as each other.

There’s an option to have subtitles. Turn it off. It’s not timed to when the people say what they’re saying, and almost every time they speak, they actually say things that aren’t on the text and almost every time they don’t say things that are on the text. However, reading the subtitles is a nice way to not watch their barely moving mouths when they speak.

Another problem is, the shading. I was in a room talking to one of the survivors to get another mission started. When you’re speaking to someone about a mission, the camera zooms in on the person you’re speaking to a little closer than normal so that it seems like you’re in conversation. When I was speaking to this woman, the shading around her face as she spoke was very bad and came across as, yet again, a PS1 game.

I mentioned that the plants are done well and look real. The only problem is, they don’t care about their environment. I was on a deck walking around a hut. I got to one area of the deck that was just barely above the ground and the game designers put some of the waving plants on the ground right under the deck and the plants come up through the deck and continue to wave, just as if the deck weren’t there. That doesn’t look good, it looks lazy.

Speaking of lazy, while walking around you can come up on little things that you either have to walk around or jump over, like boxes or something. But at the same time you can walk right through lawn chairs.

Not everything can be interacted with either. When the game started, I was in my hotel room (it starts that way for everybody I think, maybe not depending on what character you play as) and I decided to walk around and check out what buttons did what. I found a button that allows you to kick. This is a fun button that you will use a lot. So I started kicking things. Most of the stuff in the room, my foot went right through it. One little pot on a table shattered, but the plant that was in it stayed. It was just hovering in the air. I tried this out on every potted plant I found that looked that way, and they all do it.

Twice now while fighting zombies I’ve had this glitch happen, where the zombie begins to fall down to the side and freeze in place. They’re still alive and can still be attacked and killed, but they don’t move from that position. They almost look like they came out of a Michael Jackson video. Only when they die will they finish their fall to the ground.

Another problem, as I’ve said, is the amount of energy drinks all over the island. It’s insane. And it’s only made worse by the fact that everything regenerates, which also sucks. Walk to a pool area. You’ll find some zombies around it, as well as energy drinks all over the place. Kill all of the zombies and drink all of the energy drinks. Leave the area and come right back. Those zombies will be there again, as will the energy drinks. As far as finding collectibles, like the energy drinks or weapons or anything else that you can pick up, it’s just too easy. One mission says I have to find some canned food for the survivors. So I went and got some of the food, left the area and came right back to pick up the same food I had just picked up. I didn’t have to go searching for more cans of food, wondering if I’d ever find it.

Another mission wants you to go find car parts so a guy can fix up a truck for you to drive around in. You can find those car parts over and over and over again even after the mission is over. Yes, from the same vehicles you took them from in the first place.

And that truck he fixes up for you to drive? It regenerates too. Take it and drive off and leave it. Then either find another drivable vehicle (so far the only ones that have been are all pick up trucks although other types of cars are all over the place) or hoof it back to that safe area and you’ll find another brand new truck sitting there waiting for you. Take it. Go ahead, it’s okay. It’ll be there for you later whether you bring it back or not.

As far as the first one you took out, it’ll still be where you left it as well. So in essence, it would seem to me that eventually the island would be overflowing with your one truck. I haven’t tried it yet, but that’s where the game is headed.

Another issue I had with the game is, there’s no tutorial. I did rent it from Red Box, so I didn’t get a booklet with it, but in the game, there’s nothing that really tells you what controls what. You do get hints that pop up on your screen to tell you certain things (even after they’ve told you, they’ll continue to tell you, no matter if you’ve done that hint a million times) such as what certain buttons do, but in most cases, at least for me, they tell you after you’ve done discovered what the buttons do on your own. The first two times this happened to me the hint popped up on the screen right after I used the button. Thanks for telling me after the fact.

There’s another issue with this. During fight sequences, if a zombie grabs you there’s an easy way to get them off of you. But you have to figure it out for yourself. Sure, little images of buttons pop up on your screen to show you what you have to do, but they’re so small that you can’t tell what button they’re showing you. And I have a 42 inch flat screen TV. When they show you the LT or RT buttons, they should have just put up LT or RT. Instead, they put up a little picture of the button with LT or RT inside it, and honestly, up until the last hour I played the game I thought they were showing me little cell phones. I couldn’t figure out how a cell phone would get a zombie off of me.

I then figured it out. You have to push LT and then RT to get the zombies off of you. Now I know that the little cell phones are just pictures of the LT and RT. It would have been nice to know that before I was killed three times.

Also, if you’re killed, your screen goes red and looks like it’s covered in blood and some text pops up in the middle of your screen. Time To Recover: and it counts down from 10 seconds. What do I do there? Anything? I’ve smashed every button on my controller during this time and nothing happens. So I’m left to believe that this is just telling you that you will be re-spawned in 10 seconds. It would be nice to know this shit in advance.

All in all, it’s a great game. I’m enjoying it, and I can’t wait to get my own copy. But I will wait. This is absolutely not a $60 game. Almost none are. At best, I could see paying $40 for a brand new copy, but I’m going to wait until I can find me a cheap used copy for around $20. It’s good, but it’s not THAT good.

Game Informer gave this game an 8.5. I’ll give it a 6.5 to a 7. It would be a little higher, but damn. When I’m in a car and driving and I have the ability to go in reverse, it would be nice to SEE where I’m going. There are three rear view mirrors and you can’t use any of them.

Some other positives… killing zombies is fun. Depending on what weapon you use depends on what happens to the zombie. I had a meat cleaver and a zombie was running at me. I swiped with the cleaver just as the zombie got to me and the zombie ran past me. I turned around to see that I had cut its left arm off. The arm was chilling on the ground, while the zombies stump spewed blood. He came at me again, so I swiped again and took his left arm off. He continued to come at me, two bloody stumps pouring blood. Awesome.

There’s a ton of blood used in this game. It’s Evil Dead-esque. More blood than necessary, but it’s awesome. Bash a zombie’s head in and it looks as if you’ve loosened the bolt on a fire hydrant on the street.

Another time I was standing next to a stair case that went down below the ground. I knocked a zombie down and kicked the hell out of him until he slid off of the part we were on and landed at the bottom of the steps on his head. It crushed his head and blood went everywhere, the zombie dead from the fall.

Yet another time when I had the cleaver, I knocked a zombie down and cut his leg off. I got an achievement called “Tis Only A Flesh Wound”. Cool.

Overall, play the game if you love zombie games, open world games, or RPG’s. It’s a beautiful game with some really fun play and nice missions that make the game very interesting. I’d just really like to see those flaws worked on. Hopefully, if there’s a Dead Island 2, they’ll fix all of that stuff and the game itself will be one of the best ever made.

Hydro Thunder Is Back!

Years ago when the original Hydro Thunder came out in arcade land, I was working at a local pizza place delivering pizzas. In the same strip mall the pizza place was in was a Buffalo Wild Wings and inside they had the arcade version of Hydro Thunder. I worked the lunch shift throughout the week and the other driver told me to go play the game.

Often we would find ourselves dead after the lunch rush, so we would both head off to BW’s to play a few rounds. More times than not the bartender, who knew us well, would come over to us and tell us that our manager called and is pissed and we should head back.

Shortly after, I heard it had been released on the Playstation. The day it came out I remember well. I had a hangover but forced myself to drive to Toys R Us to pick it up. I also spent the rest of the money I had on it. Hangover kicking hard, I still played that game all day long and enjoyed the hell out of it. When I got rid of my PS and moved up to a PS2 I still held on to that game and continued to play it. I didn’t keep many of my old PS games, but that one I held onto. I actually just got rid of it because I only have an Xbox 360 now and haven’t been able to play Hydro Thunder in several years. Even still, I miss the game.

Tonight I was playing on the 360 and just before logging off to do something else that wasn’t productive, I noticed I had one friend logged in. I normally don’t check to see what it is they’re doing or even who’s online, especially before I log off, but this time I did, and it was a surprise. A good friend of mine, John, was online and playing HYDRO THUNDER HURRICANE!

Hydro Thunder Hurricane

It’s a sequel to the original (it’s about damn time too) but it’s made by somebody other than Midway, which kind of sucks, but still, it’s about damn time.

I quickly downloaded the trial to see if I would like it and let me tell you, it’s everything that I’ve been wanting and a little more. Since it’s just the trial I can only play so much of it, but this is one trial I’ve downloaded that I will be buying.

Most of the same boats from the original are there, but only one track from the original was brought back and even it has been revamped and looks nothing like the original. This is the track you can play on the trial version, Lake Powell.

If you’re an old fan of the game, check it out. You’ll most definitely love it. It seems to handle like the last one did, but the graphics are amazing and you’ll even recognize the voices in it as well. There is one change that I like and that is jumping your boat. You no longer have to hit your breaks and then your boost to send your boat airborne. Just hit the X button and away you go.

With new game modes and an awesome looking online mode, I absolutely can’t wait to get the full game and continue playing. Unfortunately, it looks like I missed out on the sale they had. Right now it costs 1200 points to download the full version, which is about $30. It was 400 points. Oh well, I’m still going to get it.

I also checked out an article at IGN about it and the review of it was horrible. At first I thought, maybe I shouldn’t buy the game. But then I read the comments of the review and everybody says the guy who reviewed it should be fired. There wasn’t one bad comment about the game from the players.